Hello

Hi,

Just to say Welcome to this forum and to make you aware that ....

You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice.

https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/help-and-support/helpline

You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (Monday to Friday 10am to 3pm.Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an adviser.

All the best,

NAS72167 said:

The only reason I might pursue one would be that it might be helpful for my son; he might feel less isolated when he learns about his diagnosis if his father can say "Yeah, me too..." and he might benefit from hearing about the strategies I have developed over the last 35 years to deal with the world.

When my adult child said they had realised in talking to internet friends that they were most likely autistic, I was a little sceptical.  After all we are all different, and I am an engineer so being poor at social interactions, having certain preferences about precision and so on are norms for my group of people.  Yes I hate parties, yes I have trouble recognising faces, yes I am too direct with saying things to people and cant stand small talk.  I always thought they would grow through it as I did and find a niche in life.  So they challenged me to do the autism diagnostic questionaire with them.  They scored 90% and I scored 15%.  From that moment on I realised that while I have a few autistic traits, they are not even in the same league as theirs.  And while they had worked very hard to fit in as a child and young adult, it was an exhausting / depressing /anxious effort, and only worked if they controlled the situation very carefully so they could cope.  

My point is this.  Diagnosis for your son is helpful.  In retrospect perhaps I should have been more open about considering an autism diagnosis, but as you say in the 90's it wasnt such an obvious option.  But perhaps its also helpful to consider that your sons diagnosis and your situation may not be the same thing.  With my child they are now on good terms with me as someone who married a wife with a lot of autistic traits, and who myself have some autistic traits, but who is fortunate to be able to emulate social interaction without too much strain.  The fact that I make the effort to try to understand where they are at and accept that they are different, and remain supportive, is far more important!   

Thanks for your reply! I'm definitely in the "different isn't bad" camp (kinda had to be to survive, growing up), and it has been really encouraging to realize also that "different isn't alone." I always had the sense that I was the only one who thought and experienced the world the way I do, so I hope to be able to spare him that.

Thanks for your reply! I honestly don't think in terms of making him better (now that I understand a little bit about autism). Many of the traits that are being grouped into autism are things that we have always been proud of, in fact; he sat down with a 60 piece puzzle and worked at it until he finished it unaided at 3 years old, he knows the names of over 100 dinosaurs, etc. Most of the rest, like his need for "big squeezes" or his running and twirling, aren't good or bad, but they make him... him. Even the "down sides" like having difficulty switching tasks or hearing directions when he is doing something he loves seem to me to be part and parcel of the good bits; you can't have hyper focus without tuning out everything else for a while.  If you took away everything that makes him autistic, he wouldn't be nearly as interesting or fun, but more importantly, he wouldn't be himself any more.

Thanks for your reply! We are doing well with the new stage (though reacting differently). I have been taking the diagnosis as a 100% positive; it gives us tools we didn't have before, but otherwise doesn't change anything. My wife has been... emotional; she doesn't view our son any differently, but has been grieving the fact that he is going to have to navigate a world that isn't designed for him. The grandparents have mostly been surprised/confused, but have been supportive.

Hi Chris,

I am seeking a formal diagnosis, simply because the way I am has difficulties with maybe, I need a yes or no. I resonated a lot with what you said about yourself. I work with children aged 2-4 who have ASD, all I can offer you is to encourage your son to be proud of his differences, as with any person, they are what makes us unique. Be there for him as he navigates the world, and as every parent does, let him know he is loved, accepted and supported. No life journey is easy, but it does make it a little easier when you know you don't travel alone.

Sorry if I sound a bit odd, I'm in a weird place within myself right now.

Hi , I.m self diagnosed, can't see the point in diagnoses for me at the moment. Have 3 kids with asd  there is so much i could advice but everyone is so different ,The one thing i would say is you can't make them better ,it is who they are ,just help them learn to cope better ,like you have .and  embrace asd  gives a good positive spin on asd.

Hi Chris, Welcome to the forum. I think that the DSM5 is very prescriptive, so I would go with your gut feeling. Whether you follow the formal diagnosis pathway, that's always a complicated choice. I hope that you, your son and family are all doing okay with this new stage of your lives.