Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello , Today I am really struggling. I know we are this has been a long year for us all (things were not easy before loickdown in this house) My mind is racing and rambling, but thats what lead me here. So ill do my best to put it into words in some kind of order but i am really not sure I can so if you are still reading Thank you, with every part of my being. Right now the world is a very overwhelming and i have so many questions but something inside is telling me this may be the place to start finding the answers. Ok so I 47 year old women, Mum to two wonderful children whom i adore but its been a very rocky road, My son is 15 and is currently waiting for a ASD assessment he was refered for this way back in July 2019 (After alot of pushing by myself and conversations over the years as i watched him struggling, after AUTISTIC was offered as a word by the school i went away and tried to make some kind of sense of it for my son and have done a lot of reading in the past couple of years. Im still not sure and still very confused. yet so much make sense ...... One thing has stood out for me the more and more i read and feel is that I am not so sure his the only one this may affect, I have also nodded along to so many of the things ive read. is this all my fault?As a child or adult have never "fitted in" was diagnosed as a teen with adhd and as a adult with a borderline personality disorder, anxiety, social anxiety, ocd to name but a few, Lockdown has been hard for us all, given way to much time for thinking, my mind is so scrambled its hit a meltdown like i have never exp. before normally after a few days of being evil and locking myself away i can pull on the mask and function to a acceptable level for the rest of the world and my husband to accept me. but Ive lost all faith in myself and running on empty in a way i just can find anything in the box, ive searched and search and i really don't know what to do ..... if you still reading this WOW ,,,,, does it make sense ? am i in the right place? I need some hope... i am alone all the time right now alone with this chaos in my head i'm failing my children i feel burnout my emotions are just to much to bear and i see no end
arhhh why is life so confusing....THANK YOU FOR letting me rant
Pre scientific assumptions of the nature of autism blamed the outcome of affected children on the parents. Now this is known to be something akin to blaming a person for witchcraft. Stop blaming yourself, eventually a person will be who they are regardless of others.
Reading is useful but the individual cannot be extrapolated from all the text in the world.
You don't have to be the worlds super-person but all who live have to accept their own lives or live a dissatisfied one.
Roll with it and enjoy the rollercoaster. You might have an overload of information and I can guarantee not all of it is relevant but all of it is useful to 'bear in mind'.
Go easy on yourself, enjoy the flow.
Plinky thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and read, your reply means so very much to a broken heart right now I am trying to learn to make sense of this overwhelming sense of useless i think i am about to lose everything i adore so its been kind of hard to just Roll with it and enjoy the ride. I just feel like i am never going to be enough even when I do try so it all feel kind of hopeless and I dont even know where to begin. as i am running on empty
I don't mean to diminish your feelings with my comments, it is hard to see the positive from the mire. Trudge through it far enough and you will be on firm ground again. I tend to hide away in low times and it works for me because I know however long it takes there will be a change of fortune.
All easy for me to say while I am not currently in your position though I am on the other side of something recently similar.
It can feel like I am looking at a Pollock and all I see everywhere I look is a Pollock when I know that behind it is a Constable.
Yes the Menopause is another of those random threads in the ball of madness that proclaims to be my mind
there as so many i really dont know which to unpick 1st - or if at this late stage in life there is much point the knots are tied so tight.ive tired so many times to ask drs for help, i dont know maybe m not making myself clear to them, i dont even know what to say anymore.but i do really want to thank you for taking the time, this first conversation ive had to focus on in a week and its really just helped my sense of calm x
Ah yes, I didn't count for the menopausal changes women go through. I couldn't know how going through this life change along with the uncertainty you are feeling over other issues could intensify your emotions.
Personally I would seek medical advices, doctors, specialists etc. Although I have looked into the female menopause from a scientifically biological phase I could not begin to understand what it feels like.
For what it's worth; I enjoy time away from others where I can be myself, up or down. But again, it is easy for me because I don't live with anyone. Where I used to isolate in my room, I now have a whole home to be on my own.
sorry if it can across that way, im just very sad lonely and confused right now, Ive been in a blackout for a couple of weeks now alone in my room trying to get all this to make sense i very worried as normally a day or two down time and i can put my big girl pants back on and present myself as a functioning human being, but its just not happing this time
I really dont even know if i am in the right place tbh or if has my husband says im just making excuses to myself for my totally unreasonable emotions