Hello ,
Today I am really struggling. I know we are this has been a long year for us all (things were not easy before loickdown in this house)
My mind is racing and rambling, but thats what lead me here.
So ill do my best to put it into words in some kind of order but i am really not sure I can so if you are still reading Thank you, with every part of my being.
Right now the world is a very overwhelming and i have so many questions but something inside is telling me this may be the place to start finding the answers.
Ok so I 47 year old women, Mum to two wonderful children whom i adore but its been a very rocky road, My son is 15 and is currently waiting for a ASD assessment he was refered for this way back in July 2019 (After alot of pushing by myself and conversations over the years as i watched him struggling, after AUTISTIC was offered as a word by the school i went away and tried to make some kind of sense of it for my son and have done a lot of reading in the past couple of years. Im still not sure and still very confused. yet so much make sense ......
One thing has stood out for me the more and more i read and feel is that I am not so sure his the only one this may affect,
I have also nodded along to so many of the things ive read. is this all my fault?
As a child or adult have never "fitted in" was diagnosed as a teen with adhd and as a adult with a borderline personality disorder, anxiety, social anxiety, ocd to name but a few,
Lockdown has been hard for us all, given way to much time for thinking, my mind is so scrambled its hit a meltdown like i have never exp. before normally after a few days of being evil and locking myself away i can pull on the mask and function to a acceptable level for the rest of the world and my husband to accept me.
but Ive lost all faith in myself and running on empty in a way i just can find anything in the box, ive searched and search and i really don't know what to do .....
if you still reading this WOW ,,,,, does it make sense ? am i in the right place? I need some hope... i am alone all the time right now alone with this chaos in my head i'm failing my children i feel burnout my emotions are just to much to bear and i see no end
arhhh why is life so confusing....
THANK YOU FOR letting me rant