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Newly discovered I am Autistic

Rich
over 3 years ago

Hey folks,

I'm 39, and recently discovered that I am highly likely to have Autism. A close personal friend of my is a Counselling psychologist, who I discussed this with, and she agreed I show many of the common signs. I am very high functioning, I have led a successful career in the design industry, and am actually currently studying for a Psychology and Counselling undergrad via the Open Uni. I always just thought that was the way I was, but this recent discovery has kind-of made me reflect on much of my life.

I thought I'd list some of the "signs" that might identify me as Autistic, to see if anyone else recognises them in themselves! (some are adapted from lists I found on the NHS website).

  • I find it confusing trying to understand why others are thinking or feeling something, or why they want to do seemingly common activities, such as going on holiday, or for a drive to a random location.
  • I am very anxious about social situations, and tend avoid them if I can.
  • I don’t find it hard to make friends, but I do prefer to be on your own most of the time where I can control my environment, and just look after myself.
  • I often seem blunt, and often inappropriate, causing issues in the workplace.
  • I can say how I feel, but overly worry about how it will be received, and that I will upset someone.
  • I’m very particular about things, placement of objects, alignments, knowing where things are located, the feel of certain fabrics or the fit of clothing, a single out-of-place hair, my spot on the couch.
  • I watch the same TV shows over, and over again, rather than watching something new.
  • I take some things quite literally – I understand sarcasm or phrases like "break a leg”, but need to know an exact time to expect someones arrival, for e.g. “around 3pm” won’t satisfy me, and I’ll become anxious about that.
  • I tend to have same routine every day and get very anxious if it changes, or I have to leave the comfort of my own environment.
  • I understand social "rules", such as not talking over people, but I feel an overwhelming need to interrupt at times, especially if it’s a topic I’m interested in.
  • I don’t avoid eye contact, instead I try hard to make it, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable usually.
  • Physical distance to someone sometimes bothers me, it feels uncomfortable when I’m not seeking it, even with a romantic partner.
  • I notice small details, or patterns in almost everything.
  • I become obsessed with fleeting interests in certain subjects or activities for short and long periods, often being described as “having another fad”.
  • I like to plan, and research things before doing them, and having to deviate from the plan makes me extremely anxious, often times I become too anxious once I become informed, so then avoid the activity.
  • I get extremely annoyed when I tell people I am Autistic and they dispute it, or minimise the fact I told them, and act like it’s just who I am, not necessarily Autistic. (I haven't told many people, but was surprised by how they responded)

Has anyone else had problems with telling people, and feeling like they don't believe you, or similar? I'm also unsure as to whether I should seek a formal diagnosis, as I don't think I'd really get any "benefits" from it, other than being able to produce evidence to non-believers. My 12 year old son is also suspected to have ASD, so I am sort-of exploring things from both of our perspectives.

Sorry for the war and peace intro :)

Rich.

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Rich
    Rich said:
    although it is strange reflecting back on life situations with a feeling of realisation of how things transpired

    It's when you realise how naive you've been and that there was so much more going on than you understood that it really hits home

  • over 3 years ago in reply to Plastic

    Ah the old "Yeah fine, you?" situation. I have difficulties with that;  I'm actually quite good at picking up on when people aren't fine, when they say they are... but then of course, I'm like a dog with a bone, constantly prodding at them to give up the facade and tell me what's going on, and then subsequently I cannot rest until I try to solve their problems for them. It causes me a lot of distress to watch someone be self destructive, when I feel like I can help; but am starting to realise, not everyone wants to be helped, and they just want someone to listen and empathise; so I'm working on that!

  • over 3 years ago

    Thanks for the welcome, and responses folks! Yes, myself and my ex partner have been back i touch with his school recently in order to seek a formal assessment of him, as we're already seeing some of the challenges he faces in this first year if high school; which is exacerbated by the current pandemic restrictions.

    I personally am curious as to how to broach the subject with him, and as much as I would like to; I think maybe I'm not the best person to, as I have my own deficits which are somewhat different to his. We're waiting to see what support the school will offer, and are hopeful that they'll bring in an educational or developmental psychologist into the conversation.

    I think once we've started better dealing with his needs, I'll then focus on my own needs down the line. I've managed 39 years so far, so I'll be okay; although it is strange reflecting back on life situations with a feeling of realisation of how things transpired, haha.

  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Rich

    There's some good reasons for getting diagnosed as an adult - the main one is for future protection.    

    You may not be aware but most of us 'mask' to fit it - a fake persona that gives a user-friendly social interface where we have pre-programmed responses to most situations - you might not even realise you do it until someone asks you honestly "how do you feel?" and you are suddenly stuck - do you give the usual "Fine, you ok?" answer or do you actually know how you feel?

    Unfortunately, this constant performance to fit in is very draining - both physically and mentally - but when you're young, you don't notice.   As life goes on, your life may get too complex for the mask to hide any 'odd' responses or you just might not be able to sustain the energy expenditure so things can get difficult in the work environment -  a diagnosis can help you if that happens.

  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    Good point! I hadn't thought of that Slight smile Highlighting weaknesses is useful for overcoming them and discovering how Slight smile

  • over 3 years ago

    The main benefit is that u know for sure. The report may highlight weaknesses that u can work on and any other issues eg OCD, ADHD, depression, anxiety, dyslexia

    I would have your son investigated first because hes young and facing exams etc 

  • over 3 years ago

    Hi Rich, in my experience, people who don't understand something, will always try to make light of, or fob you off, or argue. The reality is that you seem to have several autistic traits and if you identify with being on the spectrum then does it matter whether others believe you or not? If your son is 12 and possibly ASD then I would get that verified if you can because he will be able to access support more suitable for him in education. But I wouldn't worry about others not believing you, however frustrating Slight smile