Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a 15 year old boy who has been diagnosed with aspergers, adhd and more i cannot remember, Im just here to ask if people are experiencing about what I am about to say and if they can help me out because life is very hard right now, so the main thing I notice is my anger, I can get very angry easily over nothing like someone eating food loud or someone being loud in general or someone who is disturbing me when I am doing something and when I get angry I can't control myself and I either keep it in as much as possible then release it at home or outburst wherever I am, when I get angry the first thing I want to do is to shout at someone, call them names, or hurt myself, I either punch something alot of times or more recently bite myself on the arm multiple times which leaves several bruises, the pain doesn't bother me its just where harming myself can lead like doing alot worse which i have almost done on multiple occasions, I also have alot of suicidal thoughts, one time I got a long rope like thing and wrapped it around my neck and pulled as hard as i could just to feel something but it done nothing as usual. The reason I am telling everyone who reads this here is because I am too scared to tell anyone in real life like my parents or anyone else, I just badly need help and i am clueless on how to get it so if anyone could help me who has experienced the same as me I would be very grateful.
Hi Cameron.
Can I first of all just say congratulations on how brave you are to talk about your anger and the pain that you are feeling. It takes a lot of emotional and cognitive strength to say what you have said and it really made me think about how lonely and difficult being a teenager is for somebody on the autistic spectrum. Although it's at least 25 years since I was a teenager, the things you said and the feelings that you expressed in your post was very familiar to me and I just wanted to say a few things to you to help if I may.
First of all, it's okay to not feel okay all the time, we all feel bad sometimes and we all feel angry sometimes. That is normal, even for neuro typical people that would be normal. As autistic people we sometimes have difficulty understanding what we feel emotionally: even now aged 40 I struggle to tell the difference between being angry and being sad, my parents and girlfriend (who are all Neurotypical) assure me they feel different however to me I feel very similar in fact I would say the same. What I find incredible about you is that you are aware that you That you struggle with this, and that you are brave enough to be honest about that with people. Seriously Cameron, you are one brave 15-year-old. I will not lie to you and say that everything will be alright forever, happily ever after is very much a fairytale, however good days follow bad and bad days follow good, that appears to be the way of the world. What you can do is learn how to deal with the bad days in a better way that makes you feel better and allows you to deal with the pain and the anger. The way you do this will be different for you to what it will be for me. When I feel upset I like to do something that I enjoy to help me process the upset, so I may cook a meal while listening to music, I might go for a run or go to the gym, I might play with my dogs, whatever it is that I need at that moment to make me feel better.
Secondly, there are a large amount of charities or helplines that offer advice and support for people with or without autism to help them when they're feeling down or thinking about harming themselves or even feel suicidal. Several people have already replied to your post have highlighted things such as student support services and other forms of support, I feel that to help you you may need access to some sort of support. There is a charity called papyrus who specifically work with young people who have suicidal thoughts or are self harming and provide nonjudgemental help to them, I would recommend that you get in touch with them or even just have a look on their website and see if they may help you. There is also the campaign against living miserably (CALM) which has a website and helpline which again provides excellent support in a nonjudgemental way to people experiencing the feelings you are having.
You are being very brave by talking about this, and I wished when I was 15 I had been as aware of what was happening as you are. I survived this, and you can too. Please access some sort of support to help you with what you are feeling as nobody should feel alone and hurt like you are.
I don't often post on here, and quite often and very socially reclusive so I can't guarantee I'll reply often anything on here, but if you want to reply to this and ask me anything I will give you an honest answer. I will check back on here in a few days just in case you have replied but in the meantime please do not feel that you are going mad or that you're the only person in the world to ever feel this way because you aren't.
I hope that you feel better soon Cameron and that you get the help and support you need and know that you can do anything you want to with your own life as long as you never stop trying and you get up every day, even on the bad ones and go for it.
Yeah, nice to have you both here.