I need help about my autism and life

Let us know how you get on.  It'd be good to set yourself a deadline for each step, choosing who you'll talk to, writing stuff out, arranging an appointment, telling us your plan, and then checking in as you complete each step.

a lot of good advice here, afaik..  i hope you're not being punished constantly for your outbursts. i think the ones that concern me are shouting at someone, etc. i *guess* i'd suggest just walking away, no matter how angry you are? and dealing with it later. i think it will be a learning process, handling your anger, which may never go away, but you'll understand it better, how to handle it better, and how to avoid those situations - at least some. anyway, i'm going through similar dark stuff - it's hard. i think most people really don't get asd, and so it's hard on us.

Thanks for the reply, I'm definitely looking into getting support it's just getting the right people which is my only problem or even telling anyone to be honest, I'm glad to know that I can express my feelings well, that is a good sign that I could get help eventually, there is quite a few things I can do when I feel certain emotions like anger or sadness which is good and Ill check out those websites too.

Yeah, nice to have you both here.

you're new as well !

welcome to this forum

i read u're bio and u're quite an asset to have here 

so please feedback all your work and life experiences with a new discussion

I too really want to help autistic people

nice stuff, thanks for the CALM reference I will go investigate them

Hi Cameron.

Can I first of all just say congratulations on how brave you are to talk about your anger and the pain that you are feeling. It takes a lot of emotional and cognitive strength to say what you have said and it really made me think about how lonely and difficult being a teenager is for somebody on the autistic spectrum. Although it's at least 25 years since I was a teenager, the things you said and the feelings that you expressed in your post was very familiar to me and I just wanted to say a few things to you to help if I may.

First of all, it's okay to not feel okay all the time, we all feel bad sometimes and we all feel angry sometimes. That is normal, even for neuro typical people that would be normal. As autistic people we sometimes have difficulty understanding what we feel emotionally: even now aged 40 I struggle to tell the difference between being angry and being sad, my parents and girlfriend (who are all Neurotypical) assure me they feel different however to me I feel very similar in fact I would say the same. What I find incredible about you is that you are aware that you That you struggle with this, and that you are brave enough to be honest about that with people. Seriously Cameron, you are one brave 15-year-old. I will not lie to you and say that everything will be alright forever, happily ever after is very much a fairytale, however good days follow bad and bad days follow good, that appears to be the way of the world. What you can do is learn how to deal with the bad days in a better way that makes you feel better and allows you to deal with the pain and the anger. The way you do this will be different for you to what it will be for me. When I feel upset I like to do something that I enjoy to help me process the upset, so I may cook a meal while listening to music, I might go for a run or go to the gym, I might play with my dogs, whatever it is that I need at that moment to make me feel better.

Secondly, there are a large amount of charities or helplines that offer advice and support for people with or without autism to help them when they're feeling down or thinking about harming themselves or even feel suicidal. Several people have already replied to your post have highlighted things such as student support services and other forms of support, I feel that to help you you may need access to some sort of support. There is a charity called papyrus who specifically work with young people who have suicidal thoughts or are self harming and provide nonjudgemental help to them, I would recommend that you get in touch with them or even just have a look on their website and see if they may help you. There is also the campaign against living miserably (CALM) which has a website and helpline which again provides excellent support in a nonjudgemental way to people experiencing the feelings you are having.

You are being very brave by talking about this, and I wished when I was 15 I had been as aware of what was happening as you are. I survived this, and you can too. Please access some sort of support to help you with what you are feeling as nobody should feel alone and hurt like you are.

I don't often post on here, and quite often and very socially reclusive so I can't guarantee I'll reply often anything on here, but if you want to reply to this and ask me anything I will give you an honest answer.  I will check back on here in a few days just in case you have replied but in the meantime please do not feel that you are going mad or that you're the only person in the world to ever feel this way because you aren't.

I hope that you feel better soon Cameron and that you get the help and support you need and know that you can do anything you want to with your own life as long as you never stop trying and you get up every day, even on the bad ones and go for it.

Yea I'm new here

Certain teachers in my school are very good to talk to which is good, It's just getting there which is the problem but reading the replies here have definitely given me many more ways to express my situation to others. I haven't read that but it definitely sounds like a good book that would be worth my time to read, there are two teachers that come to mind that I can talk to, one of them is a teacher who helps people with autism or other mental health problem and I have spoken to him before just not in a while and the other is a teacher who the whole year can speak to and I also have spoken to her before.

you are new, right ?

welcome to this forumn

Maybe it feels weird to ask for help at school if you don't go much but they're paid to help you as much as anyone. When I taught I always found it more gratifying when the difficult, loner, non attender, student came to talk to me. Many teachers want to pisitively impact young people's lives, so you'll be giving them the chance to feel good.

You're very articulate about your situation and feelings, so that's a great indicator you'll work through this. Have you read Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome?

So which person at school would you choose to talk to? Or which adult?

In the past I have tried earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and they didn't really work out, the only real thing I can do in a situation is get earphones and blast music which I cant usually do in most situations and with the tinted glasses that would be a struggle because I already wear normal glasses so I would have to get prescription ones, with the exercise I really want to do it but I can never bring myself to doing it, I've never been the most athletic guy but I just never have any motivation to do anything, I can barely get out of bed in the morning which is a pain, I already have some interests but they are quite random, I really like anime which is a recent thing introduced by my friends but they think I'm overdoing it by watching a lot of it but that's just my way to stay happy which people don't get, I've also never been the best social person, I've never been able to keep friends or fit in but that's mostly because they didn't have anything wrong with them and weren't going through anything I was but I did meet one person similar to me in mental health ways which was good but there wasn't much other similarities other than mental health which wasn't the best but I guess I just need to keep on looking for more people, thanks for the reply, It's good finding out ways to cope with certain things even if they aren't for me.

It sounds like a big problem and difficult to solve but in fact, you're just suffering from over-stimulation.      I'd experiment with earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and maybe glasses with different tints to quieten your world down.      

Your reaction is totally normal - fight or flight - and adrenalin *feels* really good so it becomes a go-to response.      I'd suggest exercise for that - either getting up early to do some running or getting a heavy punchbag to burn off the aggression - something you can really lay into and almost injure yourself while you hurt it.    

Next is the psychological - educate yourself about NTs - they are floppy, limited people who couldn't organise a drinking party in a brewery - their entire life is social, fake, superficial and based on lies & lying.     Find niche interests like car repair or motor racing or modelling or engineering where you'll meet a high proportion of undiagnosed aspies/auties and you'll fit in and find it soooooo much less stress.   It's where everyone is interested in learning new skills and learning about things and helping each other with projects.

Doing all this will give you the capacity to indulge the odd NT social scene without burning yourself out.

than you for sharing your experiences with me, hearing what others have gone or going through helps a lot and the person I would speak to is my friend but sadly he is only an internet friend but he shares similarities with me but obviously that wouldn't do much as he is just a friend online but in school I'm not too close to the teachers who deal with this stuff as I never went because I couldn't build up the confidence to go so they must think everything is going well with me but it isn't, I'm the type of person to tell someone I'm alright even if I'm not which doesn't help the situation, also yes there is quite a few people I could speak to but because I don't go there much It would be weird if I told them all of this but there is definitely people that I can speak to which is helpful I just need to figure out what to say and when to say it, Its definitely hard right now because of the whole covid 19 situation because usually I could just walk up and see if they're there but now I need to book an appointment with them which makes It harder for me to do it, also I've never told my parents this but the tablets I have stop impulsive behaviour so instead I keep it inside which is alot worse for my mental health but I cant just stop them so I'm not in the best situation right now but thank you so much for replying to my post, I will definitely try harder to tell someone that could help me.

I'm 50 now, but I remember that overwhelm in my teens of people being too loud. I couldn't cope with people eating loud, breathing loud, noise, light, anythingthing i couldn't control. I had a migraine and eye problems from 15 to 18 that was constant and never went away. Things instantaneously got better the day i left home to work away, the migraine went, and my tensions went because i could mostly control things. I learnt how to avoid what i couldn't cope with and got better at politely asking people to do things different. 13-18 seem to be the worst years for many with autism/asperger, i've seen it with some friends' kids, and my best friend says the same about his life. I'm saying this to give you hope that things do get better.

I was lucky, I didn't suffer the anger, I kept it all boiling inside. I do feel for you, you're clearly trying hard and doing well at not taking it out on others.

Keep chatting here and reading other people's posts, it helps so much. But you do also need concrete help at school. Is there one teacher, or member of pastoral care, that you can talk to? I couldn't talk or express at all how it felt inside or what was going on for me, I'm only learning now. You've done a good job above of expressing yoyrself. Maybe you could write someone a short letter about what happens, how you feel, what challenges you face and what help you need. No one could not be impacted by what you've written above.

If you had to choose one person to talk to, ir write to, who would that person be?