I need help about my autism and life

sorry for the late reply, haven't logged on in a while. Thanks for the reply, hopefully once I go back to school I'll get the help I need, these aren't bad ideas, It's just getting there which is the problem but they're definitely worth a try, It's good to know that there's good people like you out there who will give me the courage to ask for help.

This sounds like my brother at your age. You need to find someone who can support you. Anyone is worth a shot - try telling your parents, is there another family member you could talk to, go back to your GP and ask for counselling, get an ADHD coach who has experience with autism, join some autism/ADHD groups on Facebook. In my experience, it feels so hard and scary to let people know how things really are for you but they can't help you until they know. It won't be as bad as you think. Help can come from the most unexpected places. And if you tell someone and nothing comes of it, find someone else to tell. The future you will thank you for each time you have the courage to tell someone. These issues are not your fault, not your choice but you do not want to be living with the guilt and consequences of your actions if you lose control (lost jobs, lost relationships, self-criticism, anxiety). I hope you manage to reach out to the people around you and are met with answers. You deserve to be the best you because you are unique and lovely just the way you are meant to be and you deserve to be supported in your journey through the stresses of life as we all do, neurotypical and neurodivergent alike. I truly wish you all the best.

Let us know how you get on.  It'd be good to set yourself a deadline for each step, choosing who you'll talk to, writing stuff out, arranging an appointment, telling us your plan, and then checking in as you complete each step.

a lot of good advice here, afaik..  i hope you're not being punished constantly for your outbursts. i think the ones that concern me are shouting at someone, etc. i *guess* i'd suggest just walking away, no matter how angry you are? and dealing with it later. i think it will be a learning process, handling your anger, which may never go away, but you'll understand it better, how to handle it better, and how to avoid those situations - at least some. anyway, i'm going through similar dark stuff - it's hard. i think most people really don't get asd, and so it's hard on us.

Thanks for the reply, I'm definitely looking into getting support it's just getting the right people which is my only problem or even telling anyone to be honest, I'm glad to know that I can express my feelings well, that is a good sign that I could get help eventually, there is quite a few things I can do when I feel certain emotions like anger or sadness which is good and Ill check out those websites too.

Yeah, nice to have you both here.

you're new as well !

welcome to this forum

i read u're bio and u're quite an asset to have here 

so please feedback all your work and life experiences with a new discussion

I too really want to help autistic people

nice stuff, thanks for the CALM reference I will go investigate them

Hi Cameron.

Can I first of all just say congratulations on how brave you are to talk about your anger and the pain that you are feeling. It takes a lot of emotional and cognitive strength to say what you have said and it really made me think about how lonely and difficult being a teenager is for somebody on the autistic spectrum. Although it's at least 25 years since I was a teenager, the things you said and the feelings that you expressed in your post was very familiar to me and I just wanted to say a few things to you to help if I may.

First of all, it's okay to not feel okay all the time, we all feel bad sometimes and we all feel angry sometimes. That is normal, even for neuro typical people that would be normal. As autistic people we sometimes have difficulty understanding what we feel emotionally: even now aged 40 I struggle to tell the difference between being angry and being sad, my parents and girlfriend (who are all Neurotypical) assure me they feel different however to me I feel very similar in fact I would say the same. What I find incredible about you is that you are aware that you That you struggle with this, and that you are brave enough to be honest about that with people. Seriously Cameron, you are one brave 15-year-old. I will not lie to you and say that everything will be alright forever, happily ever after is very much a fairytale, however good days follow bad and bad days follow good, that appears to be the way of the world. What you can do is learn how to deal with the bad days in a better way that makes you feel better and allows you to deal with the pain and the anger. The way you do this will be different for you to what it will be for me. When I feel upset I like to do something that I enjoy to help me process the upset, so I may cook a meal while listening to music, I might go for a run or go to the gym, I might play with my dogs, whatever it is that I need at that moment to make me feel better.

Secondly, there are a large amount of charities or helplines that offer advice and support for people with or without autism to help them when they're feeling down or thinking about harming themselves or even feel suicidal. Several people have already replied to your post have highlighted things such as student support services and other forms of support, I feel that to help you you may need access to some sort of support. There is a charity called papyrus who specifically work with young people who have suicidal thoughts or are self harming and provide nonjudgemental help to them, I would recommend that you get in touch with them or even just have a look on their website and see if they may help you. There is also the campaign against living miserably (CALM) which has a website and helpline which again provides excellent support in a nonjudgemental way to people experiencing the feelings you are having.

You are being very brave by talking about this, and I wished when I was 15 I had been as aware of what was happening as you are. I survived this, and you can too. Please access some sort of support to help you with what you are feeling as nobody should feel alone and hurt like you are.

I don't often post on here, and quite often and very socially reclusive so I can't guarantee I'll reply often anything on here, but if you want to reply to this and ask me anything I will give you an honest answer.  I will check back on here in a few days just in case you have replied but in the meantime please do not feel that you are going mad or that you're the only person in the world to ever feel this way because you aren't.

I hope that you feel better soon Cameron and that you get the help and support you need and know that you can do anything you want to with your own life as long as you never stop trying and you get up every day, even on the bad ones and go for it.

Yea I'm new here

Certain teachers in my school are very good to talk to which is good, It's just getting there which is the problem but reading the replies here have definitely given me many more ways to express my situation to others. I haven't read that but it definitely sounds like a good book that would be worth my time to read, there are two teachers that come to mind that I can talk to, one of them is a teacher who helps people with autism or other mental health problem and I have spoken to him before just not in a while and the other is a teacher who the whole year can speak to and I also have spoken to her before.

Thank you so much for the help and I am glad this post has helped you on understanding your children better, writing my feelings down is a very good idea and I will definitely start using that strategy, It's also good knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing this and knowing that there is help for me is really good, It's just going for the help which is the problem but writing my feelings down is a very good idea because it will make me less anxious.

thanks for the help, Ill definitely start writing things down about how I feel and hopefully I will be able to show somebody at some point.

you are new, right ?

welcome to this forumn

I understand. My daughter, who has Aspergers, and son who has autism, find it difficult to tell someone or speak up because of their anxiety. You write very well, so why don't you consider putting it in writing to a relevant member of staff at your school. Start with your tutor and explain that you need to let them know how you are feeling and that you need some help and ask who you can write to in the SEND team or student support services to tell them about you. . Just explain that talking about it increases your levels of anxiety and that you would prefer to write it all down. It also gives you a chance to say what you want to because if you have to speak to someone you might forget something. The school will then have the full picture and should know what to do next. I can't see that this would be a problem for them and it would mean that you don't have to worry about having to find someone to speak to. When they receive your written request for help, then the right person will contact you. Do you think that this way could help? 

You have received some great advice from those who have posted and you have replied brilliantly. You clearly understand yourself and you recognise what you find challenging. Anime is great and it is something my daughter is now into and as a result she has made some like minded friends through her interest in Anime and it has really helped with her anxiety. Having an interest/hobby as suggested by one of the posts is really important as it will give you a focus, particularly when you feel that things are a bit tough. I know you said that you weren't a great fan of exercise but it is really beneficial for your mental health. You could always start at home by following an exercise programme on line.

I have only just joined the forum, but I have learnt a lot from you as some of your own circumstances mirror the challenges my children face. The replies you have received are proving useful to me aswell so whilst you are struggling at the moment, your own experiences and others are helping me to understand my children better. Well done for taking such a bold step to post  and I hope that you have the courage to take that first step with the school and get the help you need.

Maybe it feels weird to ask for help at school if you don't go much but they're paid to help you as much as anyone. When I taught I always found it more gratifying when the difficult, loner, non attender, student came to talk to me. Many teachers want to pisitively impact young people's lives, so you'll be giving them the chance to feel good.

You're very articulate about your situation and feelings, so that's a great indicator you'll work through this. Have you read Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome?

So which person at school would you choose to talk to? Or which adult?

Many young people hide stuff, or everything, so adults are used to that. Many adults and teachers ate still hiding stuff and can't open up, nor can they listen when someone else opens up. But other adults have been through a lot, seen and heard a lot, and can be surprisingly supportive when soneone opens up and not surprised.

I used to teach and would have a good 5-10 young people open up about pretty awful things each year, and lots more talk about anxiety, etc that they'd never told anyone. So good you feel there's someone you can talk to.

Write it down as practice. The key is getting the first 2-3 sentences out, then they'll start facilitating you talk more hipefully. And write it down as a back up. I did therpy for years but couldn't communicate to my therapist how i actually felt inside, so i wrotet down and then she got it.

I'm glad you can think of someone to talk to.

In the past I have tried earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and they didn't really work out, the only real thing I can do in a situation is get earphones and blast music which I cant usually do in most situations and with the tinted glasses that would be a struggle because I already wear normal glasses so I would have to get prescription ones, with the exercise I really want to do it but I can never bring myself to doing it, I've never been the most athletic guy but I just never have any motivation to do anything, I can barely get out of bed in the morning which is a pain, I already have some interests but they are quite random, I really like anime which is a recent thing introduced by my friends but they think I'm overdoing it by watching a lot of it but that's just my way to stay happy which people don't get, I've also never been the best social person, I've never been able to keep friends or fit in but that's mostly because they didn't have anything wrong with them and weren't going through anything I was but I did meet one person similar to me in mental health ways which was good but there wasn't much other similarities other than mental health which wasn't the best but I guess I just need to keep on looking for more people, thanks for the reply, It's good finding out ways to cope with certain things even if they aren't for me.

It sounds like a big problem and difficult to solve but in fact, you're just suffering from over-stimulation.      I'd experiment with earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and maybe glasses with different tints to quieten your world down.      

Your reaction is totally normal - fight or flight - and adrenalin *feels* really good so it becomes a go-to response.      I'd suggest exercise for that - either getting up early to do some running or getting a heavy punchbag to burn off the aggression - something you can really lay into and almost injure yourself while you hurt it.    

Next is the psychological - educate yourself about NTs - they are floppy, limited people who couldn't organise a drinking party in a brewery - their entire life is social, fake, superficial and based on lies & lying.     Find niche interests like car repair or motor racing or modelling or engineering where you'll meet a high proportion of undiagnosed aspies/auties and you'll fit in and find it soooooo much less stress.   It's where everyone is interested in learning new skills and learning about things and helping each other with projects.

Doing all this will give you the capacity to indulge the odd NT social scene without burning yourself out.