Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a 15 year old boy who has been diagnosed with aspergers, adhd and more i cannot remember, Im just here to ask if people are experiencing about what I am about to say and if they can help me out because life is very hard right now, so the main thing I notice is my anger, I can get very angry easily over nothing like someone eating food loud or someone being loud in general or someone who is disturbing me when I am doing something and when I get angry I can't control myself and I either keep it in as much as possible then release it at home or outburst wherever I am, when I get angry the first thing I want to do is to shout at someone, call them names, or hurt myself, I either punch something alot of times or more recently bite myself on the arm multiple times which leaves several bruises, the pain doesn't bother me its just where harming myself can lead like doing alot worse which i have almost done on multiple occasions, I also have alot of suicidal thoughts, one time I got a long rope like thing and wrapped it around my neck and pulled as hard as i could just to feel something but it done nothing as usual. The reason I am telling everyone who reads this here is because I am too scared to tell anyone in real life like my parents or anyone else, I just badly need help and i am clueless on how to get it so if anyone could help me who has experienced the same as me I would be very grateful.
It sounds like a big problem and difficult to solve but in fact, you're just suffering from over-stimulation. I'd experiment with earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and maybe glasses with different tints to quieten your world down.
Your reaction is totally normal - fight or flight - and adrenalin *feels* really good so it becomes a go-to response. I'd suggest exercise for that - either getting up early to do some running or getting a heavy punchbag to burn off the aggression - something you can really lay into and almost injure yourself while you hurt it.
Next is the psychological - educate yourself about NTs - they are floppy, limited people who couldn't organise a drinking party in a brewery - their entire life is social, fake, superficial and based on lies & lying. Find niche interests like car repair or motor racing or modelling or engineering where you'll meet a high proportion of undiagnosed aspies/auties and you'll fit in and find it soooooo much less stress. It's where everyone is interested in learning new skills and learning about things and helping each other with projects.
Doing all this will give you the capacity to indulge the odd NT social scene without burning yourself out.
In the past I have tried earplugs, noise cancelling headphones and they didn't really work out, the only real thing I can do in a situation is get earphones and blast music which I cant usually do in most situations and with the tinted glasses that would be a struggle because I already wear normal glasses so I would have to get prescription ones, with the exercise I really want to do it but I can never bring myself to doing it, I've never been the most athletic guy but I just never have any motivation to do anything, I can barely get out of bed in the morning which is a pain, I already have some interests but they are quite random, I really like anime which is a recent thing introduced by my friends but they think I'm overdoing it by watching a lot of it but that's just my way to stay happy which people don't get, I've also never been the best social person, I've never been able to keep friends or fit in but that's mostly because they didn't have anything wrong with them and weren't going through anything I was but I did meet one person similar to me in mental health ways which was good but there wasn't much other similarities other than mental health which wasn't the best but I guess I just need to keep on looking for more people, thanks for the reply, It's good finding out ways to cope with certain things even if they aren't for me.