New and just beginning the long journey

Hi everyone! I'm new here. I'm a parent to an amazing 9 year old girl who is just beginning the long journey for an official diagnosis. She got referred to CAMHS (we are in Scotland if that makes any difference) a month a half ago and still haven't heard anything yet. The school and GP have both said she is definitely showing autistic traits. I was just hoping to get some advice on how to help her manage during the wait!

When she has a meltdown she tends to self harm (scratch, punch, bite, pull hair and headbutt things) or be violent towards me...only ever me. She's never been violent towards her dad..is there a reason for that? Or sometimes she just screams and throws herself down on the ground and will not move until its passed. I'm the one who is mainly here (I work part time, dad works full time) I've bought her some sensory things which seems to help a little. Like squashy light up ball things, some fidget toys and a slinky. They do help a fair amount but what I really struggle with is the days where she point blank refuses to go to school. I say I struggle because her dad works in the early hours so it's my job to get her to school in the morning.

She's a big girl and extremely strong and when she throws herself down on the ground, I cannot for the life of me get her back up until she calms down. This morning was one of those days where she didn't want to go and I (embarrassingly) ended up calling in to work (crying) saying I wouldn't be in because she was refusing to go to school (so now obviously worried about my job!) 

Its breaking my heart seeing her like this and sometimes not knowing what to do, I genuinely just feel like an absolute failure as a mum at times if I'm honest. So if anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it! Sorry if this doesn't make sense..I'm just wanting to help her the best I can.

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