Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am with an aspergers guy and have been for seven years, we are going through a very difficult time due to it. I am stuck at home all day on my own - we have no friends or family in the area, so I never see other people or speak to them. I work online on my computer, but I CANNOT do much because I am physically disabled.
My guy is at work all day and then comes in and does not talk much, when he is at work he is surrounded by loads of people and gets lots of emails texts and phone calls from customers and other workers, when he does talk it ls about the weather, what is on television and all that stuff.
He never ever wants to talk about anything that matters / us.
I told him that I have been getting so bored and lonely that I started to chat on some forums and rang an anxiety helpline.
He has no idea of how bored and lonely I am.
He will not listen about it, he just does not get it. So he finds fault with it saying he cannot understand what the point is to going in the forums or chatting in a chat room.
I am here for maybe eight hours a day bored to tears. That is what the point is. It is better than being more lonely and bored.
I tell hm and he still cannot se it and finds fault.
I am sick of being bored and lonely and sick of him finding fault with me doing what I can about it.
I would take a guess as follows
he is coming home very tired and is not capable of much when he gets home. You are getting cabin fever and more and more upset.
OK
reply to me - with a list of things you want him to do to fix you. No more than 10 please. no more than one sentence per item.
Hi Aidie, thanks for your reply. No he is not tired when he gets in, he is bright and breezy and eager to chat away to whoever, often making phone calls all evening to family and stuff. He thrives on it. Its why he does the job he does and runs a club. We go out sometimes. I am physically disabled, hence stuck at home a lot on my own and not able to do much physically. I used to own my own business with a lot of staff and chatting to clients all day. I like chatting. I like interacting with peole. I miss it.
So because I was alone and bored all day I started tol post on forums, chat in chat rooms, just to pass the time and interact with people. It made the day go a bit quicker and meant I wasnt relying on him for all of my interaction and company.
But when I told him he got very judgmental and cold about it. Going on about how it was a waste of time and pointless.
This is quite ridiculous as he spends a lot more time than me on just chatting to people - and he is much busier than me. I need to chatter during that eight hours to get some sort of interaction and fill the time. He already has lots of things to keep him busy, phone calls and meets etc which I dont have.
He is so dismissive about it, you would think I have started to take drugs or break the law, it is just a way to make that eight hours pass better and he will not accept it. He is being a hypocrite. He spends more time chatting about nothing in a day than I do in a week.
allow people to message u from here
i have experienced a girl who could type faster than i could read in IM, a japaneese lady, so it was her second language ! she was a truely awesome person to have talked to ( by IM ) ( when i worked for 7cups.com )
Clip-clop.
good. because i found your post ridiculous with all this lets chat in private stuff and being too friendly. dont forget to sayh that you send me a friend request and i said no. thats not abuse thats good judgment.
you need to grow up. Just because I come here and introduce myself does not mean I have to chat to you for the rest of the day. I never asked fdor advie and didn t need it. The so called advice you gave me was ridicujlous and did not even understand waht I had told you.
I'm surprised at the effort of all the typing.
i have already reported as abusive
Is this how you react on all the forums you spend your days on? Ask for help and then dump on everyone to wind them up?
Have we been enough fun for you now?
And he claims you're wasting your time......Hmmmmm.
Wrong. I did not marry him. I allowed him to moved in with me. Partly because I am physically disabled and he helps me a lot. Everyone has faults. Yours is that you think you know everything and the other person knows nothing. That is not logical. I havebeen with this guy seven years but you know him beter than me? come on now. I am a member of mensa and very b right, i dont need everyone to work out tiny details for me .
wiserlady said:thi sis one of the problems with people with aspergers.
But you married/partnered to one.....
thi sis one of the problems with people with aspergers. you get it into your head that the other person is wrong and you know better. my guy does this a lot. i am used to it but its very boring and wearing and arrogant. if someone says this is it then ac\cept it. and stop thnking you know better than them. its talking to people as if they are stupid. thats why people who do that dont have many friends who are normal. normal people dont like people talking to them as if they are dumb.
wiserlady said:i said what the problem was, thats what it is
ok
no hes not like that. if he thought i should worry about business he would say so. and there is no need to worry about business it is doing very well.
i said what the problem was, thats what it is
It may be his least-argumentative way of saying he's worried about your business and thinks you should be doing better. The logic is that chatting in on-line forums is detracting from your self-proclaimed 'success'.
okdk
because i wanted to
why did u delete the text about u and ur partner being divas ?
I understand that but that wsnt the point.
This not about him not opening up.
It is about him moaning and groaning about him not approving of me being online while he is out, because he says it is a waste of time.
And you dont know him at all. If he did not want to be busy or chatting to people he would make sure his life was different.
This may be a bit too blunt - I apologise - but you don't seem to understand what aidie is saying. We mask like crazy and it's REALLY difficult to get to the 'real' us. His 'home' persona may be having difficulties opening up to you fully so he's unable to say what he really means - there's a period of time between friend, girlfriend and partner so we have to adapt the mask to include you and to fully open up. The mask gets us get through the social day and it gets more rigid with age - and at 65, he'll be very difficult to get beyond him presenting what he thinks you want to see and who he really is. The more you demonstrate displeasure with him, the less he will open up.
We are not fighting and if he was sick of me he would have left and moved out. so that makes no sense at all. If he was sick of me he would not be going on about how much he loves nand must be with me. and sending me flowers. You keep ignoring what I tell you and making it up.
i cant really say what i want here this is public. thats why i need u to allow me to PM you ------ he may have several personas ----- "Mr Club" and "At home". "Mr Club" has loads of energy,,,,, but with you hes not switched on at all
you are both fighting - maybe sick of each other --- maybe there could be more --- maybe you are a real diva
wiserlady (interesting nick), don't take this the wrong way but if you think you know all the answers why come on here for advice? Maybe there is something of value in what some of the other members have said to you. You do seem to see things in black and white (which is part of the condition, of course) so perhaps a more openminded approach might be helpful to you. Just saying...
so because you think and type slowly I do?
I type fast, I have written probably 50 emails to clients today, 5 to staff, and 7 articles for magazines, we are not all like you.
and no i wont be wasting time here , life is too short
i tol;d uyou my partner spends hours and hohurs chatting all day, even though he has a busy businsess to run. yet you stupidly compare that to a person having a quick chat now and then when they work less hours. you cant get more stupid than you.
So clearly an expert in all things Aspergers......
Try again.
its clear there is a lot more wrong with you than aspergers, you have a serious mental health condition. if you had got to know me a bit better before talking down to me you would have found out I am a psychiatrist. take care.
Bye.