Autistic?

Hi,

And apologies in advance for the long post.

A bit of background, I am 36 and have always been a little quirky. I have also suffered a lot with various mental health problems and breakdowns since I was a kid and have a long list of diagnosis.

A year ago I started working for an Autistic charity and although it had been suggested I could be autistic when I was hospitalised once I had never given it much thought.
When doing our training I realised I had so many traits. I have to eat the same food everyday for breakfast otherwise I stress all day. I can't just like something, I get obsessed, I am very hypersensitive to cold, either cold food such as ice or cold weather. As a kid I was a bit of a musical prodigy til I had my first breakdown at 16. Which is when my first diagnosis of bipolar came. Looking back I think what actually happened is I kind of had this realisation that I was extremely different to most people and I didn't know how to just fit in. I was bullied a lot in school. I had no idea about fitting in or why people cared and after my breakdown and dropping out of college, I started paying attention to what people seemed to like in others and copying. I think this is called masking. 

I even went so far as covering myself in tattoos to try seem cool but actually it was mostly about covering up self harm scars. I started self harming when i was 10 because the world just really stressed me out. 

Anyway, I have an anxiety therapist at the moment and she suggested we do a test together and we did and the results were quite high, and in her words, much higher than she expected.
Then she asked me what I want to do with this and I don't actually know?

I am really paranoid about going to my GP and seeking a diagnosis because I'm always paranoid they think im attention seeking so I just don't go unless I really have to. I have some physical stuff, Im in the process of being tested for epilepsy and I have a lot of gut problems. But on the other hand I am really worried that the benefits I have been receiving for the past 10 years will end soon and I think it's much easier to get social care support with an autism diagnosis than simply a mental health diagnosis. And I would love to work more if I could, but I currently work 2 days a week and any more than that and I know i just couldn't cope. When im tired I just end up not being able to tolerate anything and I usually end up in another meltdown and getting hospitalised. 

Anyway, not sure what i'm looking for...any advice or something?

TIA

Parents
  • I can't offer advice but I can say that 'I get you' 

    I'm going for diagnosis at 43 after realising my cyclical breakdowns come from my masking failing and becoming overwhelmed with anxiety as a result.  Also getting to the hormonal stage of life where dancing to the tune of the modern world is more than I can be bothered with. Time to find out who I really am!

    I think the hive mind that exists on here could be very helpful for finding your feet - with, or without, formal diagnosis.  I'm certainly finding that it feels like a safe space to be.

    Take Care of yourself Slight smile

Reply
  • I can't offer advice but I can say that 'I get you' 

    I'm going for diagnosis at 43 after realising my cyclical breakdowns come from my masking failing and becoming overwhelmed with anxiety as a result.  Also getting to the hormonal stage of life where dancing to the tune of the modern world is more than I can be bothered with. Time to find out who I really am!

    I think the hive mind that exists on here could be very helpful for finding your feet - with, or without, formal diagnosis.  I'm certainly finding that it feels like a safe space to be.

    Take Care of yourself Slight smile

Children
No Data