Hi, looking for understanding and friends

Hello I'm Sky,

I’ve been weighing up for a long time whether to join an online community or not but I’ve now decided that maybe it might be worth a go. I’m struggling loads with my health, anxiety and depression mostly. Most days are really hard and I haven’t a friend in the world, just me. Every day I feel sick, sometimes I faint and I’m not eating a lot. The last seven years have been horrible. I lost my dad to a heart attack and my sister suffered from cancer before passing away in a car accident. It was all horrible change and I couldn’t process it at the time and now it’s almost unbearable to live with. I still have my mum but we’ve grown distant, or maybe it’s me who’s distant. We don’t talk, we hardly see each other even though we’re living in the same house and it’s causing my anxiety to be so severe. I can hardly breathe at times and I feel awful all the time. I’ve been trying to get into some hobbies but I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I used to enjoy my writing and walking but my legs are really painful now which stops me from doing much walking and I purely don’t enjoy writing now. I enjoyed music to but now it just irritates me, I find I can’t stand any sounds really so I don’t watch tv either. I’ve been feeling really low for a long time and I feel like it’s never going to get any better, I feel like life is just horrible and that there’s nothing worth continuing on for. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. I'm hideous, I'm rubbish at everything and I have nothing good ahead for me. I just want to go to sleep and stay sleeping like sleeping beauty. I hate it that every day I know I'm going to have to go through the trials and horrors again. I'm so tired of it. I did have a job but my health got bad and I stopped that before last Christmas. At work every co-worker hated my guts, I heard them whispering behind my back sneering and laughing at me. I had that at school as well. Everyone hates me, even my mum does. Sorry for moaning, its just I feel totally alone in the world and want to find some people who understand me and want to be my friends.

Sorry for the long introduction. I just felt I wanted to be honest and get that off my chest.