Hi, looking for understanding and friends

Hello I'm Sky,
I’ve been weighing up for a long time whether to join an online community or not but I’ve now decided that maybe it might be worth a go. I’m struggling loads with my health, anxiety and depression mostly. Most days are really hard and I haven’t a friend in the world, just me. Every day I feel sick, sometimes I faint and I’m not eating a lot. The last seven years have been horrible. I lost my dad to a heart attack and my sister suffered from cancer before passing away in a car accident. It was all horrible change and I couldn’t process it at the time and now it’s almost unbearable to live with. I still have my mum but we’ve grown distant, or maybe it’s me who’s distant. We don’t talk, we hardly see each other even though we’re living in the same house and it’s causing my anxiety to be so severe. I can hardly breathe at times and I feel awful all the time. I’ve been trying to get into some hobbies but I don’t enjoy anything anymore. I used to enjoy my writing and walking but my legs are really painful now which stops me from doing much walking and I purely don’t enjoy writing now. I enjoyed music to but now it just irritates me, I find I can’t stand any sounds really so I don’t watch tv either. I’ve been feeling really low for a long time and I feel like it’s never going to get any better, I feel like life is just horrible and that there’s nothing worth continuing on for. I hate my life. I hate everything about it. I'm hideous, I'm rubbish at everything and I have nothing good ahead for me. I just want to go to sleep and stay sleeping like sleeping beauty. I hate it that every day I know I'm going to have to go through the trials and horrors again. I'm so tired of it. I did have a job but my health got bad and I stopped that before last Christmas. At work every co-worker hated my guts, I heard them whispering behind my back sneering and laughing at me. I had that at school as well. Everyone hates me, even my mum does. Sorry for moaning, its just I feel totally alone in the world and want to find some people who understand me and want to be my friends.
Sorry for the long introduction. I just felt I wanted to be honest and get that off my chest.
Parents
  • Whisky, sorry you feel this way? Is it worth going to your GP and asking for some support? I recently went back on anti anxiety meds and feel soooooo much better! I also understand about feeling like people are laughing behind your back but I'm sure it's a lie.

    Big higs xx

  • Hi pennie-jane. Before the restrictions came in I saw my gp and explained all tthis in tears and the last thing he said to me was comee back when you have a real medical problem. I had my therapy sessionn person but in the end i couldnt afford to get there anymore. She diid say she would come to me but i dont want to put her to trouble not even sure if she d come now. It's like a constant nightmare all the time!

    Big hugs to xx

Reply
  • Hi pennie-jane. Before the restrictions came in I saw my gp and explained all tthis in tears and the last thing he said to me was comee back when you have a real medical problem. I had my therapy sessionn person but in the end i couldnt afford to get there anymore. She diid say she would come to me but i dont want to put her to trouble not even sure if she d come now. It's like a constant nightmare all the time!

    Big hugs to xx

Children
  • hi sky

    is there another GP thats familair to you that you could go see ,as the dr telling you to come back when you have a real medical probelm is not how a professional should be speaking to you at all .The GP obviously has no insight into autism and the severe anxiety and how it can impact on your mental health.

    Is there a naitional autistic society in your area you could ring for advise as they may no of a service in your area where theres advocates for adults with autism/ severe anxiety/feeling very depressed so an advocate or some one trained in autism who could go to the DRS with you .As its really hard to explain communicate reg autism and its impact ,and the advocate could ensure that your autism severe anxiety and mental health difficulties get adquently addressed and supported with maybe medication and through  services like healthy minds etc.

    im sorry you have been through such a lot of very traumatic ordeals

      traumatic ordeals like loved ones being very ill and dying can impact on us severely i became very depressed and had severe anxiety after my dad died.My dr was very understanding and listened to what i told him about how i felt as i was having severe anxiety panic attacks all the time and i was barely eating and barely sleeping.And i was having so many negative thoughts they overwhelmed me and i felt traumatised all the time and i was struggling to cope daily,even trying to go out caused me severe anxiety and panic and traumatised me.My dr listened to me and said i have depression and severe anxiety and put me on antidepressents,which evetually helped me feel lots better.

    losing loved ones and loved ones being very ill is big traumas for us and there is a councelling services respect for all for people with autism  my family has used them in the past they was very lovely to my son who has autism and helped him feel much better.

    They let you chat about what you want or feel the need to chat about i dont know if this services operates in your area if not .The national autistic society would know of other services that would be able to support you .

    autism is hard and can be a struggle every day to cope with daily things and losing a loved one is one of the most traumatic things we can go through no wonder you feeling like you are .Its important you get the right support,and the right help from services that are trained in autism.

    Keep putting messages on here too as theres lots of lovely people on here who will want to offer you advise support as its full of nice friendly folk on here .