Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I'm 40 and I'm really in some trouble. I've always found social interactions difficult, and my personal life certainly doesn't look like most other people's. I don't know if I'm autistic, it's been suggested, but I've had some bad experiences and am a bit wary of the medical profession so I've considerable reluctance to finding out. Trouble is I'm also in some trouble and in my 40 years still haven't worked out how to deal with it. I've done some reading and it seems like maybe people on the autistic spectrum might experience similar things so here I am hoping you might have some ideas.
Work wise I've been quite lucky on the whole, I work in a job I enjoy, but I'm running into the same problems over and over and finding them ridiculously distressing over and over.
It's all about morals and truth. It is my thing. I absolutely cannot stand people lying. Theoretically I realise that people lie, for all sorts of reasons, but I've never managed to integrate the fact of people lying into my expectations, so every time I am shocked and confused. And then angry and upset. There is a pathological liar that I am senior to, and they lie when they've done something wrong, when they haven't done something they should, but also volunteer totally unnecessary lies seemingly to make themselves look more important. I can't cope with this at all. They have become progressively less valuable in my eyes over time and I have retreated to the position that I simply don't play them any attention, deliberately ignore them when they are attention-seeking, and discount everything they say as it seems to me there is no worth to be applied to them. Trouble is people are telling me this is too extreme and I'm getting irrationally upset, and I see they are probably right but I can't seem to temper my reactions. And once I've reacted I'm so damn upset I stay visibly annoyed and upset for hours.
I also am stunned into confusion by hypocrisy, which I clearly have no grounds to get on my high horse about, but it, and inconsistency, just bambozzles me. And then people are messy and inconsiderate and that enrages me.
The upshot being that I'm getting continuously upset by the people I work with. And I'm struggling to understand them, then getting angry with them and it is not a good situation at all. I have no poker face at all so when I'm upset they know about it. And I'm senior to some of them and that doesn't make for a great combination.
These things are quite specific so I haven't been able to find out whether these are things that autistic people also find difficult, but I've had these problems since I first had to interact with people when i was a toddler, so I was hoping someone might recognise my problems and have an idea how I might start to cope with them. If there is some sort of training or a plan or a type of therapy or anything at all that I can do so that I can cope with these people being people.
Thanks so much Mark, Plastic, and Ladybirdfor your replies. It's the first time I've ever heard that anyone else finds these things difficult too, and I'll admit I had a little cry.
I do seem to join you all in also being honest to the point of upsetting people. My principle response to the behaviour I described is just to stop talking entirely. Unfortunately some rather spiteful people have accused me of bullying them, and really it's entirely because a) I've been honest about the quality of their work b) I've been honest about their conduct at work and c) when I can't cope with them anymore I stop talking and looking at them.
The one thing that wasn't really clear to me - and I don't want to be intrusive, but do any of you find yourself consumed by this stuff?
When I am faced with this kind of behaviour I get really really upset, it doesn't just annoy me - although it does that. Also, when I find something that I can't resolve into a 'true' or false category - generally something about the world that isn't clear, if I have conflicting information - especially if that information is from a less than trustworthy source - I am just destroyed by it. I can't stop thinking about it and trying to resolve what the truth of the situation is, it's horrendous. It can go on for days and days with me just consumed by trying to resolve the conflict.
I realise it's a reach but does anyone recognise that too?
Me too! I'm constantly in trouble for calling people out for their lies. or questioning people for their lies. I hate injustice too. I cant figure out why people hurt one another it makes my skin crawl, like i want to scratch at my skin.