Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I’m new and just wanted to introduce myself. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in March after a very long journey. A 49 year one actually so it came as a relief to finally make sense of a life of confusion or I could say always being confused about life.
As a female I have discovered through the diagnosis process that I had become an expert at masking and camouflage to the point which I came to in 2012 of complete nervous breakdown and not even knowing who I was. I went through many tests at hospitals as I was so unwell and eventually diagnosed with M.E or chronic fatigue in 2017.
Being so fatigued all the time I didn’t have the energy to mask anymore. I became seriously depressed and was referred to a clinical psychologist and it was during the sessions that she spoke to me about Aspergers and referred me for assessment. I was on a waiting list for 3 years but got there in the end.
Even though the last few years have been stressful and I have felt very lost at times. I do feel now that I understand myself better and why my life has been one of living in a state of high anxiety lost most of the time. Why I found running my own business easier than working for someone as I could control it, and why I usually feel like an atmospheric sponge after spending time with others and have to then recover for days or end up with a migraine. Why I am pedantic about everything and I mean everything and why I am absolutely always right Why relationships have always been full of misunderstanding and intensity. However on a positive note I got married when I was 42 to someone who accepts my quirky ways.
Anyway that’s probably enough for now. It’s great to meet you all and I am happy to share my experiences leading to diagnoses if it can help anyone else.
Hi Amanda im new too your story is very inspiring, and so full of hope and positivity.
Its hard to read what you have been through to get where you are, but im so glad you found love and i hope this community is helpful for us both.
Sooz
Hello Sooz,
Seems like quite a few of us have joined here in the last week or so. Hopefully we can all help each other out in some way. Plus it’s good just to have a chat to others about things. Welcome to the group
Hi Free to be me, TelNorfolk, Sooz and Plectrum. I'm so glad I joined here last night! I hope it is helpful to you too Sooz.
Free to be me, it's good to hear you found the diagnosis process a positive experience. Can I ask what support you now receive?
The lockdown definitely is a unique opportunity to take time out from the noise and pressures of the world and have a break from the need to mask. And focus on our strengths and gifts instead of worrying about what we find difficult.
TelNorfolk, thank you so much for sharing your story too. It's great to hear you found a job that suits you. In the past, I have felt like no one else is having the same struggles as me but I now realise there are many other people out there finding a way to earn a living that works for them.
Hope you all have a good day.
Amanda
Hello Amanda,
Yes definitely, I think it does come with age, it’s so easy to try and fit in with people because you don’t want to feel different or left out. But it’s also very draining putting on a front and trying to be someone you’re not. Example would be, there’s some people I know that always seem to be happy and joking about, and I feel uncomfortable around those sort of people. Because I feel like I’ve got to put on a stupidly happy face, and feel like I’ve got to laugh just because they’re all joking around. I don’t like that feeling, because I prefer to just be me. I’m not saying I can’t have a little joke, but I’m certainly not a comedian like a lot of people seem to think they are. So I decided to just be me. Trouble is, when you suddenly do that, people think you’re being funny or you’ve got the hump. But after a while I’ve found people just accept that’s how you are. And it’s much less draining Sorry for the rant I’ve got to admit though, I still put on a front when I meet strangers, but if I’m around them for a while, I tend to be myself.
I looked into the self referral thing in my area, and it says a possible 3 year waiting list. But maybe your area may be different Amanda.
Thank you Free to be me, it's really helpful to hear your experience. It sounds like you have been through a really tough time and must have been really strong to come through it. Hope you can find a path that works for you now. I think I would like to try and get a diagnosis too. Think I would have to ask for a referral from a gp in my area though. Let me know how you get on TelNorfolk. Like you, I have reached the point where I no longer want to put on any sort of act. It must come with getting older! You just want to be yourself and stop trying to please other people. I don't have the energy anymore!
Thanks very much Free to be me. That’s really helpful, I will look them up. Because I have mentioned it to my GP before, but he kind of brushed it off. So if I can just contact the clinic, it might be better. I also overthink things far too much I’ve always done that. Thanks again
Hi TelNorfolk as I mentioned for me having an assessment and diagnosis has been a positive experience. I was referred by a clinical psychologist but you can self refer if you don’t want to go to the GP. The clinic in Norfolk is Autism Services Norfolk. I was on a waiting list for 3 yrs but that was when they were in a process of reviewing the service and changing it. When I had my assessment they told me that they have now employed more people and that the waiting list is not so long now. You can find there contact details online. I often find taking action is helpful to my mind even if it’s something small, as I overthink everything to an inch of its life
Hello again Free to be me,
I’ve been reading about diagnosis, is it needed or not. Personally I think I’d rather get a diagnosis like you have. Because it would make me feel a bit better in myself. I would be able to say to myself, and others, that’s the reason why I’ve always been the way I have. Because I’ve gone through periods in the past where I thought I was odd, and felt a little bit of pressure from others, to be or act a certain way. I don’t do that anymore though. I’ve realised I am who I am, and I don’t want to put on an act for others anymore. But I know by listening to people on here, that it certainly won’t be a quick process getting a diagnosis, but I’d like to get the ball rolling.
Have a good day