Published on 12, July, 2020
My (recently ex) boyfriend and i met when we were 16 and had dated up until the COVID-19 lockdown. We had previously had a brief breakup back in January due to him needing space after an incident with his mother. He gave me very little reason for this sudden breakup other than "I can't do a relationship right now" after being very happily together before this all happened. I can't help but feel he only pushes me away when his life becomes difficult as a result of external factors and was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar with a partner on the spectrum?
I love him very much and had been with him for almost a year and a half so i am just trying to understand if (though he may not want to admit it) he pushed me away simply because everything going on at the moment had just become too much to deal with on top of a relationship.
I have given him space now to focus on getting through lockdown but in the case that we do get back together how might i help when these situations arise.
Again i am very new to all this so i am sorry if i have caused any offence.
Denise
I do push people away a lot and work I’ve done with an autism specialist recently suggested that avoidant behaviours were common for people on the spectrum - so his response does make sense to me in some ways though from first hand experience I know that pushing people away isn’t helpful in the long term. All I can recommend is patience and understanding as if he is anything like me the only way I function when I’m struggling is to have space and work through issues in my own way. I’d suggest if he is open to it that you try to discuss avoidance - but it really depends on whether he wants to, because it’s not helpful to force the issue.
I know this isn’t the most helpful reply but I hope it offers a bit of insight. If I can be of any more help then let me know.