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Romantic Realationships With A Partner On The Spectrum

denisemartin16
over 4 years ago

My (recently ex) boyfriend and i met when we were 16 and had dated up until the COVID-19 lockdown. We had previously had a brief breakup back in January due to him needing space after an incident with his mother. He gave me very little reason for this sudden breakup other than "I can't do a relationship right now" after being very happily together before this all happened. I can't help but feel he only pushes me away when his life becomes difficult as a result of external factors and was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar with a partner on the spectrum?

I love him very much and had been with him for almost a year and a half so i am just trying to understand if (though he may not want to admit it) he pushed me away simply because everything going on at the moment had just become too much to deal with on top of a relationship. 

I have given him space now to focus on getting through lockdown but in the case that we do get back together how might i help when these situations arise.

Again i am very new to all this so i am sorry if i have caused any offence.

Denise

Parents
  • over 4 years ago

    Hi Denise, It is very late so cannot be long as so tired but I came on here and registered because I was feeling very desperate for some clarity and understanding. Hearing what you said sounds familiar as my wife is newly diagnosed though we are both much older than you. I feel for you as it is so hard with this Covid crisis. We don;t live together as our flats are too small for our three children so we are completely away from each other - so hard. But my wife does seem to pull away as JD mentioned below - like she goes into a bubble and then it seems the harder I try to enter, help, penetrate that bubble wall it seems to be invalidating and make everything worse. Anyway I suppose all i can say is that time can help if you can sit with the feelings for the time being. In my experience also when my wife is overwhelmed it feels like everything is wrong, our relationship isn't working so perhaps give your boyfriend time he needs.

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  • over 4 years ago

    Hi Denise, It is very late so cannot be long as so tired but I came on here and registered because I was feeling very desperate for some clarity and understanding. Hearing what you said sounds familiar as my wife is newly diagnosed though we are both much older than you. I feel for you as it is so hard with this Covid crisis. We don;t live together as our flats are too small for our three children so we are completely away from each other - so hard. But my wife does seem to pull away as JD mentioned below - like she goes into a bubble and then it seems the harder I try to enter, help, penetrate that bubble wall it seems to be invalidating and make everything worse. Anyway I suppose all i can say is that time can help if you can sit with the feelings for the time being. In my experience also when my wife is overwhelmed it feels like everything is wrong, our relationship isn't working so perhaps give your boyfriend time he needs.

Children
  • over 4 years ago in reply to Callie

    Hi, 

    I hope everything with your wife isn't too stressful as i can understand how hard it must be not being able to see her now. My situation is that he just seems to think it is better for us if we just break up when he gets like this, even though i am willing to give him space. However, as before i have a feeling when the current situation passes he will try and get back together as we have before. How do you think i should go about making him understand he doesn't have to end things when he goes into his 'bubble' so to speak.

    Denise