Published on 12, July, 2020
My (recently ex) boyfriend and i met when we were 16 and had dated up until the COVID-19 lockdown. We had previously had a brief breakup back in January due to him needing space after an incident with his mother. He gave me very little reason for this sudden breakup other than "I can't do a relationship right now" after being very happily together before this all happened. I can't help but feel he only pushes me away when his life becomes difficult as a result of external factors and was wondering if anyone else had experienced something similar with a partner on the spectrum?
I love him very much and had been with him for almost a year and a half so i am just trying to understand if (though he may not want to admit it) he pushed me away simply because everything going on at the moment had just become too much to deal with on top of a relationship.
I have given him space now to focus on getting through lockdown but in the case that we do get back together how might i help when these situations arise.
Again i am very new to all this so i am sorry if i have caused any offence.
Denise
Hi. Speaking as someone who has a hell of a lot to deal with and awaiting a formal diagnosis and is struggling to deal with everyday life at this moment in time I can see both sides. my wife has been very poorly to point we nearly lost her and now is struggling with mobility issues and disability as well as having a kid and being a key worker sometimes I involuntary shut down and don’t seem to care. It couldn’t be more further from the truth but I can only take so much in and my head pretty much blows and a meltdown ensues. This covid 19 has cut off my only couple escapes I had and feel so shut off from my normality I am quite down tbh. Just saying it from my point of view. deep down I know I upset a lot of people when I’m like this but at the time it doesn’t matter and I retreat into my bubble. But it can be seemingly very difficult for someone to understand why.
Tried to reply but internet cut out so not sure if it posted (typical)
First of all i am so sorry you have to deal with all those things i cant imagine how overwhelming it must all be.
During our breakup he seemed to show very little care to how upset i was and said 'it just hasn't hit me yet' as his reasoning. When we had previously broken up we got back together once things had calmed down. Essentially i am trying to understand how to help him see he doesn't need to push me away when difficult situations such as this occur and that i am happy to give him some space, so any suggestions would be great.
He also has ADHD so not being able to get out has made the whole situation much harder as well as school suddenly ending and exams being cancelled so i cant imagine what he's going through as i myself am even struggling with it all.
Overwhelming doesn’t cover it. If I am being honest there are odd days I get annoyed at waking up as have to try to muck through another day. When I am in a rational state ( as much as I ever can be!) I can see someone, like yourselves, point of view, but when I am low I struggle big time to understand what’s happening to me let alone anyone else and it’s so overwhelming it’s difficult to explain unless you have been there. Sometimes I don’t remember being so dry and sarcastic but wear my emotions on my sleeve and can’t hide my moods. I would also add that when I’m having a bad episode if someone keeps asking if I’m ok just stokes the mood and athough best intentions are meant I just can’t see it and snap.
Ok most of the time she has learnt not to push me when I’m in that zone but sometimes she aggravates my mood as she pushes her point across even though she knows I won’t take it in. I
How do you find maintaining the relationship with your wife when you get into this mindset? Does she push to try and help or just leave you be until it passes?