Newly Diagnosed

Welcome to the forum, Graham.

I'm not a family man myself, so my ability to advise is rather limited; however, like many autistic people, I'm certainly familiar with the chaos that attentional deficits can cause, and the perception from other people that I'm too aloof or inconsiderate. In fact, it's quite likely that many of us here have unidentified ADHD, as for a long time, any attentional deficits were taken to be included in the autism diagnosis and you couldn't be diagnosed with both.

Firstly, I'd suggest tackling any mental health problems, preferably though counselling, though considering medication if necessary. Mental illness tends to exaggerate any attentional problems for most of us, especially rumination about past upsets or what we consider to be personality flaws but are, in fact, just consequences of our condition.

More practically, there a few of things which I find help (though, of course, your milage may vary)...

• One thing at a time! Lists, charts, and schedules rarely work well for people attentional deficits, it seems. The list just becomes a focus for rumination and anxiety ("OMG, look how many things are still left!"). So I use notifications from my computer's calendar etc. to feed me tasks strictly one item at a time so that I don't become overwhelmed.
• Doing anything is better than doing nothing. I very easily get trapped in rumination about what I should do, when or how I should do it, etc. Planning, planning, planning, and not enough doing. So I take the decision out of my hands by choosing a task at random or asking someone else to choose for me. Once I've got started, my anxiety often abates, and I might suprise myself at how much I get done once I've built up a bit of momentum.
• Visual cues. I find lists and written notes slip my mind really easily - words, whether written or spoken, tend to elude me, sometimes within seconds of seeing/hearing them. So I use visual aids such as photos as reminders rather than words - for example, I might make my PC's desktop image a photo of that pile of washing up that I need to do. This also allows me to make easy before/after comparisons, which makes the impact of any tasks that I've done seem much more "real" somehow.

Best wishes to you and your family.

Welcome to the forum, Graham.

I'm not a family man myself, so my ability to advise is rather limited; however, like many autistic people, I'm certainly familiar with the chaos that attentional deficits can cause, and the perception from other people that I'm too aloof or inconsiderate. In fact, it's quite likely that many of us here have unidentified ADHD, as for a long time, any attentional deficits were taken to be included in the autism diagnosis and you couldn't be diagnosed with both.

Firstly, I'd suggest tackling any mental health problems, preferably though counselling, though considering medication if necessary. Mental illness tends to exaggerate any attentional problems for most of us, especially rumination about past upsets or what we consider to be personality flaws but are, in fact, just consequences of our condition.

More practically, there a few of things which I find help (though, of course, your milage may vary)...

• One thing at a time! Lists, charts, and schedules rarely work well for people attentional deficits, it seems. The list just becomes a focus for rumination and anxiety ("OMG, look how many things are still left!"). So I use notifications from my computer's calendar etc. to feed me tasks strictly one item at a time so that I don't become overwhelmed.
• Doing anything is better than doing nothing. I very easily get trapped in rumination about what I should do, when or how I should do it, etc. Planning, planning, planning, and not enough doing. So I take the decision out of my hands by choosing a task at random or asking someone else to choose for me. Once I've got started, my anxiety often abates, and I might suprise myself at how much I get done once I've built up a bit of momentum.
• Visual cues. I find lists and written notes slip my mind really easily - words, whether written or spoken, tend to elude me, sometimes within seconds of seeing/hearing them. So I use visual aids such as photos as reminders rather than words - for example, I might make my PC's desktop image a photo of that pile of washing up that I need to do. This also allows me to make easy before/after comparisons, which makes the impact of any tasks that I've done seem much more "real" somehow.

Best wishes to you and your family.