Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone!
My name is Graham and i was recently diagnosed with ADHD.
I avoided going onto places like this, as i thought i could manage myself...
I was wrong.
Can i ask if anyone has any useful tips on how to manage the chaos that i leave in my wake?
To give some context, my wife was diagnosed with ASD 2 years ago.
My eldest son was diagnosed ASD not long after that.
My middle child is in the process of being diagnosed.
And my youngest is under observation.
My inability to cope with stressful situations, inability to organise my self or the things around me, my battle with mental health (and the impact that has on my ability to function) and my anger/frustration at the world have always been a point of contention in my relationships.
Lately things have become much worse.
Although i try to integrate into the systems my wife has established for her and the kids, i only end up causing more harm than good.
Me and the wife are fighting a lot...
She feels that i do not take into consideration anyone other than myself.
I admit that i am unmanaged.
I do not know how to manage my traits or what i need to do in order to bring some order to the chaos i leave behind.
Thank you for reading this far
Welcome to the forum, Graham.
I'm not a family man myself, so my ability to advise is rather limited; however, like many autistic people, I'm certainly familiar with the chaos that attentional deficits can cause, and the perception from other people that I'm too aloof or inconsiderate. In fact, it's quite likely that many of us here have unidentified ADHD, as for a long time, any attentional deficits were taken to be included in the autism diagnosis and you couldn't be diagnosed with both.
Firstly, I'd suggest tackling any mental health problems, preferably though counselling, though considering medication if necessary. Mental illness tends to exaggerate any attentional problems for most of us, especially rumination about past upsets or what we consider to be personality flaws but are, in fact, just consequences of our condition.
More practically, there a few of things which I find help (though, of course, your milage may vary)...
Best wishes to you and your family.
Hi Graham,
We have some resources here on the NAS site that may be of some help to you. You can view our page on ADHD here - https://www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/related-conditions/adhd.aspx - and at the bottom your can find links to ADHD-specific organisations that NAS recommends, like AADD-UK - https://aadduk.org/, the ADHD Foundation - https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/ and ADDISS - http://www.addiss.co.uk/. Our mental health page - https://www.autism.org.uk/about/health/mental-health.aspx - has some advice and treatment suggestions for treating various mental health problems, including depression, and again has links at the bottom of the page to other organisations specifically targeting mental health issues. NAS also has an autism helpline, which you can contact by phone or email, if you would like to speak to someone directly, and you can find the details for that here: https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/contact.aspx Hope this is of some help,Ross - mod