Newly Diagnosed as an Adult

No worries! I hope you enjoy the group! Yeah that's exactly it, blaming things they have done wrong on our Aspergers/Autism because it's easier than accepting that they are wrong! So annoying! I think that most people would find it rude if someone was nosing at them opening a private envelope or parcel, it is an invasion of privacy! My eldest daughter (21) is always borrowing my things without asking, I have to hide my hair brush and my footsie socks otherwise they go missing! My husband always tells people all sorts of things about me without my permission, he's like a newspaper! I HATE the insinuation that because I'm Autistic, that I can't have a valid point or opinion, it's so demeaning! You're not ranting at all, these are issues that I have to contend with frequently too! 

It's just so weird after being academically quite gifted - and my unwarranted and somewhat shameful pride in that fact - to come to terms with the fact that I actually have what is essentially to my mind a kind of learning disability. It's strange... but I hope that it will make me a better person really. It has already forced me to challenge some of my negative preconceptions. 

Thank you so much, I will definitely look for and join that group if I can, it sounds great. Yeh my dad is similar in blaming things on my Aspergers that really are not my Aspergers at all. So like the other day he got in a sulk because I didn't want him to watch me opening a letter and parcel of mine because he wanted to see what was in them. When I said I didn't want him to watch me opening them he said "yeh I get it, you're autistic and antisocial". It's like....... not wanting to be watched opening a private letter and parcel is not being antisocial or anything to do with my autism, it's called having a sense of privacy! Which he really doesn't have at all, he will just come into my room without knocking and borrow my things without asking and tell people I don't know all sorts of things about me without my permission. And also the "you're autistic so you're misinterpreting" line whenever we have a disagreement about something. No... actually, I might have a valid point and it might be YOU who's misinterpreting or in the wrong. I hate it, it's so frustrating. Sorry for the rant, I really appreciate you sharing the facebook page.

Have you tried phoning the helpline on this website to ask about support and funding? If you're on Facebook, I'd suggest joining 'British women with Aspergers UK connect group' (I'm assuming that you're female? apologies if I'm wrong!), I belong to it myself and I'm far from being the only person who has formed a local social/support group. There are quite a few 'unofficial' groups popping up in various places and the FB group is a closed group and a good place to either find such a group or to link up with other people in the same area as you. I know what it's like when others blame things that are due to them on your autism. When I get annoyed with my husband about irritating things that he has done, he tries to blame it on my Asperger's. For example, when I got annoyed with him for putting the kids clothes in the tumble drier and shrinking them, his eventual response after a protracted dispute about it was ' oh I can't deal with your Asperger's'. Is this the sort of thing that you get from your dad? People shouldn't expect you to change your way of thinking and they shouldn't use it against you either. Mind you, one thing that surprised me after I was diagnosed and people started actually telling me when they were joking, was how frequently I'd thought people were being serious and got quite offended when it had just been a joke albeit one that I didn't get! 

I think in a way we can be more enlightened, or at least far less influenced by social norms that don't really have any basis in logic or fact. Things people just do because it's the way it's always been done or because it's the way other people do it. I think we're far more likely to question "well, why should we do it that way?" I definitely think that's a strength rather than a weakness, it's just that other people aren't very open to it and don't like being questioned on it much.

Yeh you're definitely right about it being a huge thing to come to terms with and it's even harder when you don't really have anyone to talk to about it either, or people just aren't interested.

I've asked, but apparently there is none and I can't find any either so they must be right. No groups or anything. Only thing I've found is the NAS stuff and that has to be funded and their entire website gives no indication as to who might fund such support or how to get it. So I've given up hope of any post-diagnostic support already. My dad has been quite bad with the news. He most definitely has it too, just won't admit it or get assessed, but now I've got the label he's started blaming all sorts of things on my autism that are actually related to his autistic traits. It's absolutely infuriating. Then I've had friends use it against me in arguments to say that I must be misinterpreting them because I'm autistic and expecting me to be able to just magically be able to change things like the perfectionism and black and white thinking overnight, which I can't. I don't know how. If someone can give me some instruction on how to change those things then I'm quite happy to try, but I currently have no clue how to do that. So yeh, reactions haven't been that great! Has made me not want to tell anyone else about the diagnosis at all.

Well with time I am sure that they will become more normal about it. I've had more social struggles since my diagnosis than in several years as I have been so upset about the diagnosis and I have driven my friends half crazy. It has been a really difficult time and it is a HUGE thing to come to terms with. 

Hi Floss. I relate so strongly to everything you have said on here. Well apart from the horses, I think they're kinda scary (in a pretty way) but I also enjoy history and languages and excelled at school and was bullied for it. I had kind of forgotten about that. The ADOS assessor asked why I was bullied and I drew a slight blank but that was actually a major factor. Also my upfront refusal to follow certain social rules (particularly gender based ones, or like the expectation to be patriotic) and my vocal opposition to them. It's really funny to think that's autism related, I just thought it was that I was more enlightened than everyone else! Sometimes it is hard to understand why autism is seen as a disorder. 

I'm going with Floss on here. :) I've had some therapy in the past, but the autism diagnosis is brand new for me so I haven't had any therapy that's taken that into account yet (which might be why the therapy I have had hasn't worked very well). Have you had any? I really like medieval history and I can speak/read Spanish, French, Catalan, Portuguese, and a bit of Latin. 

I really relate to this a lot. With so many things, I've just never even realised that other people don't experience them the way I do and knowing that they don't is almost making it harder to deal with in a way. So for example I discovered the other day that other people don't actually experience "pain" when they drink a fizzy drink or when they're cold and their hair stands on end. But for me both those experiences are genuinely painful and I never even knew that wasn't normal. Loud noises also feel painful, like I'm physically being bashed over the head, and make me feel sick if they don't stop too. Now I know that other people don't have these issues, I'm finding myself asking "Why me?" quite a lot. I guess it has its advantages too, but the sensory side is particularly hard I think and others aren't always very understanding of it and just think you're making a fuss.

Hi Floss, I’m getting this too. Despite waiting 19 months to get diagnosed and really hoping for a positive diagnosis because it explains so much, I’m now finding that I’m more different than I thought I was. The way I process sound is captured really well in many sensory sensitivity videos that you can find on YouTube, and I’m becoming more aware of my rigid thinking though I can’t quite see this objectively because it’s just me (there are no videos for this that help provide that outside perspective). Also I’m coming to start to see that I fail to imagine other ways of thinking that others might have.

i have a strong drive to understand everything that I need to balance with just getting on and enjoying life I guess.

floss, since you told me you loves hisotry and language, what language can you speak? And for history, what kind of history do you like and how would you entertaint yourself with history?

Have you asked your local autism services about post diagnostic support? Failing that your GP might be able to signpost you to something? I started my own local social group for Autistic women after my diagnosis last December, helpful for me and for others! I have 20 members and still growing! It can be a mixture of emotions following diagnosis, I’m still adjusting but over all I’m quite positive about it, I understand myself a lot better now than I used to! I’m sorry to hear that other people’s reactions haven’t been what you’d hoped for. Who has reacted negatively and what did they say/do? 

Thank you, that's really kind. You're right that I haven't changed, but I do feel that the very few people I've told are treating me as though I have changed, which makes it hard. I already feel like I don't want to tell anyone about it because I don't want them treating me differently or using it against me like that. But it does definitely explain a hell of a lot and makes sense of so many things that previously didn't make much sense to me.

And actually do you attend any therapy? if yes what kind of therapy do you attend?

Hello, welcome Floss!

I was diagnosed a few months ago (age 31) and know the absolute rollercoaster of emotions it can bring! Keep talking and keep processing, YOU haven’t changed but hopefully you’ve got a bit more of an explanation for why things are the way they are x

and tell me what's your name? don't have to tell me your full name just your first name.

so did you grew up with him?

Thank you. Yeh I'm really feeling that.... Have no idea what to do with myself now. Can't find any local support groups or anything. Been having really mixed feelings about the diagnosis I think. First it was a relief to finally understand and it made so much sense of everything in my life up till now. Then I went through a kind of denial phase of thinking I'd somehow tricked the assessor into making the diagnosis wrongly. And now I've kind of hit a hopeless stage where I feel like I don't know how to change anything or how to cope with it on my own. Other people's reactions also haven't been what I'd hoped so that's been hard... How did you find it when you got diagnosed? (assuming you are of course, you may not be!)