Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a woman in her 40’s and I suspect my 10 year old son may have autism. I would have said Aspergers but realise that is no longer a diagnosis. I have been researching autism trying to decide if there would be any advantage in a having him diagnosed. I wonder if it would help him understand himself and who he is in the world more or if it would just be a label people misread. During my research it struck me quite unexpectedly that I am Autistic. Well I believe I am and wonder if a diagnosis would help me also. I have always wondered what the hell was going on with me in the world and realising I may be Autistic gave me a great feeling of relief and also a bit of grief for all the time wasted wondering what the hell was going on. Looking back it seems obvious now. I didn’t talk until I was 3 and then spoke in sentences. I’ve always been socially awkward and one of my worst fears in life is small talk. Anyway, I guess that’s it, I don’t want my son to wonder what’s “wrong” with him if a diagnosis could tell him what is different about him instead. Is a diagnosis helpful?
It is a personal decision.. My diagnosis was only a relief because I was having tests of Mt brain function to check whether I had Alzheimers or not. Yes I would rather be autistic than have alzheimers. No,, as a high functioning adult with many successes I did not need to know. Yes I have sensory overload but I have lived my life creating my own strategies to deal with that. I wear noise cancelling earphones when I feel exhausted because that is the trigger for my noise overload to take over. I knew my children were high functioning autistics from birth and put things in place for them to help them succeed. IAlthoigh I did not seek a diagnosis when they realised that I was autistic with two sons they said that the level of my ASD meant that there was a high likelihood that my two boys would also be autistic and to ask them to look at being diagnosed. My youngest son, now 21 is definitely autistic but said that he managed life, did not need help and would seek a diag osis later in life if he ever came to need one. My eldest son has struggled for many years with health, OCD, ADHD and with work. He went for diagnosis. They told him he had the cooccurring conditions and they could see his autistic behaviour. However they said his mum-me--was sooo autistic that they could not decide whether he was autistic or had been brought up by an autistic mum whose behaviours would be mirrored by the child. Hence they used the term autistic traits. Sorry for the long post but the moral of my personal tale is to choose carefully, and for what reason, to aim for diag osis. If I had a choice I would have reached out for diagnosis for my children first. The only difference my diagnosis has made is that I am spared the medical route that would have flowed a diag osis of alzheimers. I have achieved so much in my own life that I have found telling people I know brings either understanding for them of my behaviours or belittling attitudes born of ableism. I wish you well in your choice. Only you can decide whether there is benefit to you or your son. Just be prepared for the double edged sword that diagnosis can bring.
I appreciate you sharing this with me, thankyou