New here, Hi for help

Get it?
Nice to meet you. I've had my diagnosis since fourth grade of Asperger's.
I'm current and plan to be up-to-date in discussions. What I'm wondering these days is: what does it really mean to have autism?
The lackluster definitions and explanations of the disorder have pursued me and these days nip at my heels constantly. They never bothered when I didn't need the answers.
I'm here to ask you all the experience you have, with autism...and perhaps insights you have gained on the Neurotypical. I find them to be mysterious, generally twisted beings with a lower moral compass and intelligence than autistic people. They are not passionate, for example, when it comes to concern for the general wellbeing of others. Perhaps they appear to be in public, but never reconcile their appearance with their internal reality of selfishness. So that in private, they are still just as lazy at caring.
I think of the NT social environment is one based on frauds and social inflammation of character to be "recognized" or "accepted" into some niche or group. That it focuses on nociceptive abilities rather than genuine virtue.

Personally I'm interested in this topic as a science, to groom your comments a bit, y'all.
What's the deal? What is it like for you? I made the mistake to believe my whole life others were just like me...though emotionally I felt estranged, odd, different. Of course I trusted and believed in my peers before anything, (I'm obviously the one feeling something wrong- no, /you/ are not the problem.) when they weren't really searching for answers for me as my gullible self believed they put thoughtful time into...(in a general sense).

I describe my experience as if I am a dog given the mind of a human, and then forced to conform under huge stressors of childhood illness and emotional neglect to mimic the absurd human "language" in an attempt to have my emotional and physical needs filled. I'm essentially mute, I believe. As I believe most (biologically) "conforming" ASD people are, and that we generally just mimic the human language (speaking on a much more pure high level) and due to our high intelligence and superior moral complexity and compass simply cannot imagine or devolve our comprehension to the mindless, Sleeping mindset of the NT population.

They make no sense for a reason, |are we right?|