Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! My names Sarah and I have a question for you all. Could someone be autistic and not recognise it? My son (he's in his late 20's) definitely shows traits. He fixates on things and is meticulous about facts, he will look up words you use and quote you the dictionary definition in the middle of a conversation especially when trying to prove a point. He has a massive capacity for learning and absorbing information, he can quote back to you a conversation word for word. He doesn't recognise social prompts or body language, even when told clearly to go away and stop talking he will ignore it and continue to 'quote' fact at you. I have mentioned to him that I think he needs to go to the GP as I feel he may be on the spectrum, three days later he came back to me with so much information as to why he definitely isn't on the spectrum but has ignored everything I have pointed out about why I feel he is!!
There are problems at work with his work mates who continuously run out of patience with him and make snide comments about him. I don't know how to move forward from here as he is adamant there is nothing wrong! Advise please :) Thank you in advance and sorry for waffling!!
Great advice, thank you. I will follow that up. Reading your answer made me think that he may see it in a certain way, my best friends 11 yr old son has autism but his is extreme with tourettes and massive social anxiety so maybe he is using him as a gauge.
Thank you, that makes some sense, my son knows he has a very high intelligence level and he even calls himself a geek so I thought trying to get him to see there is an issue there would be easy!
Yes absolutely. Lots of people on this forum have written that they didn't realise till someone pointed it out and then got diagnosed.
If a person hasn't spent lots of time round an autistic person or their traits perhaps aren't as obvious as the "classic" traits then they may not recognise them as autistic traits.
There is also the self doubt. I did recognise myself as autistic but very regularly thought no that can't be me. I can do this so I can't be autistic.
It is a big thing to realise you are autistic and can take a lot to process. It can be especially difficult if the persons perception of autism is one certain way.
If he likes to prove points. Could you get him to humour you by taking the aq test online. This can be a good indicator as to whether you should pursue a diagnosis or not. If he scores highly it may help him realise that perhaps he could be. The other thing that could be useful is to write down his traits in the 4 categories - communication, social, rigidity of thought and sensory. It was the moment I did this when I realised it must be autism.
Be patient and gentle with him. It's very difficult to realise that there is something neurologically different about you. You have given him the thought now, although he doesn't want to know about it at the moment, that thought may grow and he may start to realise.
Good luck to you both
Hi Sarah
Yes - it's entirely possible - I made it to 42 before the penny dropped. I'm a Chartered Engineer, I've been a rocket scientist and nuclear physicist - a geek of the highest order - a Mr Spock with a photographic memory just like your son.
What brought it to my attention was my daughter growing up - I just couldn't adapt my programming fast enough to keep up with her and also a teacher-friend mentioned that I showed a lot of the traits - so I was assessed and diagnosed as Asperger's.
There's a chance that he might have the opinion of autism/Aspergers as a massive disability and the images of autistic people rocking and flapping may be clouding his ability to think clearly and logically about himself.