Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello! My names Sarah and I have a question for you all. Could someone be autistic and not recognise it? My son (he's in his late 20's) definitely shows traits. He fixates on things and is meticulous about facts, he will look up words you use and quote you the dictionary definition in the middle of a conversation especially when trying to prove a point. He has a massive capacity for learning and absorbing information, he can quote back to you a conversation word for word. He doesn't recognise social prompts or body language, even when told clearly to go away and stop talking he will ignore it and continue to 'quote' fact at you. I have mentioned to him that I think he needs to go to the GP as I feel he may be on the spectrum, three days later he came back to me with so much information as to why he definitely isn't on the spectrum but has ignored everything I have pointed out about why I feel he is!!
There are problems at work with his work mates who continuously run out of patience with him and make snide comments about him. I don't know how to move forward from here as he is adamant there is nothing wrong! Advise please :) Thank you in advance and sorry for waffling!!
Thank you for this, it is so interesting to hear other peoples stories, I guess it helps to know that one day he may seek answers to why he is as he is. You can lead a horse to water................
I was diagnosed at age 55. Even then it took me a while to accept the diagnosis.
Yes. In my experience most definitely.
I was diagnosed at 38, and didn't have the slightest clue. I kept having bouts of mental illness due to not knowing, having traits, and symptoms, but just plowing on through life.
My GP told me to do the AQ test. I was well in the range for autism, and I went for an assessment. I have a couple of friends who have kids with autism, and had a girlfriend with AS in my 20's. I still didn't know how it all related to me, even though I'd been around it quite a bit. My biggest challenges are in the sensory realm, I do have social problems, but I thought it was something else. Mainly because of my unawareness about sensory problems at the time. I stim quite a lot, always have, but I didn't know about stimming.
I went to the assessment not knowing what to expect, but a few months after the assessment, after gaining some knowledge, I was amazed to find out how much it had affected me. I learned new strategies to cope, and have started living a pretty different life. I feel much better for it.
I recommend you get him to take the AQ test, as Blackbird said.
Here's a link.
https://psychology-tools.com/test/autism-spectrum-quotient
I hope you both get some answers, when I got mine, life started to get a little easier.
I have been fixated on Autistic Spectrum Condition (including Asperger's and other similar mental conditions) since it was identified as my possible condition.
That fixation is an Autistic Trait lol
Get him to do the online test.
I'm not sure, he loves research so it's worth a try, can you recommend anything?
As a parent of a severely autistic son. I feel saddened that you believe that all non autistic persons, or Non Aspie will lie to you and everybody else all the time and that only they can tell when others lie.
Very young children do not lie, most believe in Father Christmas, or families may have other religious beliefs, that order their lives and make them feel secure in this scary world. This has been developed since people of all countries started walking about on the world, and having developed these beliefs and actions as a presumed way to cope with problems. These beliefs can be said to be lies, but they help children and their Parents feel happy, instead of feeling cold and hungry if this is also the case.
As a non autistic person I do not lie, because if you don't lie you cannot be faulted and it you are certain of your ability to do what ever you are saying, you cannot be faulted.when ever you are questioned about the same events, because you will say the same as best as you remember it.. It might not be word for word, but the essence will be the same.
My son is obsessed with time, and Maps of Roads and Railways. and he is always questioning "at" being the time of an event during the day, such as time to leave to go or return from shopping, if he expects you to be home at 12.00 as 12.00 approaches he will become more and more agitated such that if you have have not arrived at 12.00 he will have a sever episode "Meltdown" and become unpredictable. This happened once when I arrived home 3 to 5 miniutes late after a meeting 30 miles away, By this time he had already escaped to danger from the house ran away. this then involved North Wales Police and their helicopter, Possibly Air sea rescue, certainly Life boat, Mountain Rescue, and members of my family scouring every place he had been to all over North wales for the next 12 hours, before he was found by the Police 17 miles away from home. We will have driven past him I do not doubt and never saw him.
To avoid this certainty of action when we are questioned "at". We tell what are referred as "White lies" We do not tell the truth But will now say we will leave or arrive at 12.30 instead of 12.00 "and arrive back early, or he leaves earlier than expected by him",
I don't lie... I can but I'm really, really bad at it - plus doing it just feels so 'wrong'...
When I read this on The Hidden Aspie website, I was like... oh, that's SO me...!
I haven't had a formal diagnosis, I don't feel like I need validation from a doctor. I've never had good experiences with the medical profession. I think it would be traumatic to go through an assessment but then I avoid doctors at all costs. I'm content with knowing I'm autistic based on my own research.
I have heard that some people do prefer not to get a diagnosis, but they may still find understanding autism to be useful. There are some books that compares autistic and neurotypical thinking, do you think he would be willing to read these books?
I guess that's the biggest problem, so many different traits. My son doesn't have any friends because of how he is again I find this heart breaking.
Just got diagnosed at 31. Only really thought seriously about it for about the past year and a bit, before that only really vaguely on and off because the images I had in my head of someone autistic didn't seem to fit me at all (and most of it was probably wrong anyway). It's also very difficult to be self aware of a lot of the traits when that's just how you are, and to associate the things that have become just 'things I do' with the criteria for autism, and it isn't always easy to pinpoint why you might have problems in a particular area-to pinpoint that it's because you're not picking up on social cues, or not understanding what someone is saying well, etc. I'm still finding things I didn't realise I did, or had trouble with, and having 'lightbulb moments' where it suddenly occurs why I have trouble with a particular situation.
It's also a common misconception for people to assume you have to have all the criteria, and therefore to think not having trouble with certain individual things means they can't possibly be autistic (e.g. 'I can't be autistic because I don't have problems with sarcasm'), and that's not the case. Everyone experiences it slightly differently-that's why it's a spectrum.
Maintenance said:he doesn't seem to be able to lie, not even for diplomacy sake!!
That's typical AS - I can't lie either.
The AQ test isn't an exact science. Just because it comes up with a high or low score doesn't mean it's completely accurate. But it can give an indication and for a lot of people it does seem to give an accurate indication.
Hi thanks for the advice. My friend has identified traits in my son and pretty much every one who knows him says he definitely has something it is only him who can't see it. He's also either telling everyone how he's right and he knows more and he's intelligent - or that he's useless and not good enough for anyone! But you are right mainly people just call him argumentative or awkward. I will look at the work thing it's just a tad complicated. I just wish I could do something. I have learnt that he needs detail to be able to carry out a regular task and reminding to repeat something over and over to form a habit. The other weird thing is he doesn't seem to be able to lie, not even for diplomacy sake!!
Ask your friend to observe some things at home to better understand what is common between her son and yours. Also what your friend identifies as a possible autistic/aspergers trait.
Actually, the AQ test identifies me as not Autistic but the current initial diagnosis (Psychologist and three school teachers) is of course I am. In background reading I can identify the traits in my e.g. taking things literally but not to the extreme as say Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.
Take for example someone says "pull your finger out" I do nothing but someone says you are normal/autistic then OK I am. What then happens is that one says I am normal and another says I am autistic - CONFUSION as I cannot be both!!!
Hi Sarah
until about 1999 is was not necessarily recognised/diagnosed in education (date is irrelevant to me).
Anyway, many adults born before that would have hidden traits/characteristics of Aspoerger's/Autism/etc to varying degrees/levels with females able to hide it more than males.
Anyway everyone experienced in Autism/Aspergers recognised traits in me at 42 but it has only become on my radar at 51 and I am still awaiting a diagnosis. I have a friend, the same age, going through it now and even I never realised the traits.
The problems are that not only do people not know how to introduce their perceptions that someone has these traits, however major/minor but some just do not see it - Oh (s)he is grumpy/awkward/eccentric.
Read the thread here on employer invalidating diagnosis - Equality Act 2010 states you do not need a diagnosis or disclosed to the company. Your son shows some traits that are higher than mine and is experiencing, IMHO, the same as many of us Neuro Diverse people from the Neuro Typicals (quote Normal) people which could constitute bullying/harassment (a legal person could confirm that).
Ha ha ha that made me laugh!! I sometimes think like that and then I think of my son and think Jeez I know I'm pretty intelligent but he blows me out of the water!
Yes - I did not even consider it for over 40 years. I did wonder how everyone (nt) could be so thick though - lol, since I was a boy I’ve felt as if I was the only person with a brain that works :)