Grandson

Good afternoon Andrew

What an inspiration you are, and good on you for accepting yourself as you are. There is no perfect person and I think all we can do is try be a good person. There is a lot more information and knowledge today and we need to be grateful for that.

My lovely grandson will be allowed to be who he wants to be and do what he wants to do, he has a lovely mum and dad who will make sure of that. Already there are situations you can tell he feels uncomfortable, when this happens we just leave or do whatever is appropriate. He is a huge fan of the outdoors, we walk a lot, his dad has a rucksack to carry him when his legs tire.

Thank you so much for your reply, hope to hear from you soon. Have a lovely weekend in the sunshine.

Grandmas x

Good for you for seeking advice. I am 46 and was only diagnosed last year. When I was evaluated for autism, one thing the therapist said to me was that I had been relatively lucky that my parents had 'just' accepted me for who I was when I was growing up. For example, they didn't make me do sport (which I hated) or socialise all the time (which I also couldn't bear). 

There are of course huge variations in how autism affects a person - no two individuals are likely to be the same. In my experience, some of the problems I have faced are more to do with not fitting into the typical mould of what a person is expected to be. In other words, once I accepted myself I felt better - as I realised that I am a bit different but that is okay. I spend time with people who accept me as I am rather than trying to fit into all sorts of groups that I would hate.

Your grandson is very lucky to have such a caring grandma and as others have said the best thing you can do is to love him as he is. Maybe some of his behaviour will be eccentric but rather than suppress it perhaps you can encourage him to be himself. Good luck! 

Hi, 

My daughter is still awaiting diagnosis but as a young child she really hated eye contact unless she initiated it in which case her stare was actually very unsettling! We didn't try and force her to look at us but did ask her to look our direction not to make eye contact if she didnt want to but just to show we had her attention, she is very good at looking at your nose, chin or ear! This for us seemed a happy middle ground and now she is 8 she does things on her terms as we always told her if it makes her feel uncomfortable don't do it. 

As another user has pointed out it can be extremely exhausting and distressing to some people so do be careful of that x

I'm done with Christmas Cards

Many thanks for your message. I appreciate and will take this on board. x

I don't know about helping him learn to talk, but I want to offer as gently as I can some thoughts about getting him to make eye contact.

My experience, as an adult who remained undiagnosed until the age of 51 (and even now I'm waiting for formal evaluation) is that eye contact is one of many things that I find exhausting, fatiguing, though apparently "typical" people enjoy it to some extent. Because I was undiagnosed, I've spent decades "trying" and being exhausted by it, contributing (not the sole cause) to several bouts of severe depression. 

Would my experience have been easier if I had been "trained" or "coached" into eye contact as a child? Maybe, maybe not. I suspect that the training experience would have been traumatic and would have maybe embedded the injunction to "try" even more, resulting in more fatigue as an adult rather than less.

Anyway, I don't know for sure, but I just want to suggest caution before you try to "correct" any of your beloved grandson's behaviours. You wouldn't invest time in coaching someone born with no legs learning to run :-).

Hope that makes sense and comes across as intended, not a criticism but just offering some thoughts x

Good morning everyone

You all sound very inspirational. It's so good to talk and I am glad I joined this forum.

His mummy, daddy and myself are obtaining as much information as possible, but till the diagnosis comes we can only go by what we read.

Does anyone have any good tips on how to assist with learning to talk, getting him to make eye contact?

Any words of advice will be much appreciated.

Many thanks to all who have replied to me, it really does mean a lot.

Have a lovely day and a very happy Friday.

Grandma x

Good morning everyone

You all sound very inspirational. It's so good to talk and I am glad I joined this forum.

His mummy, daddy and myself are obtaining as much information as possible, but till the diagnosis comes we can only go by what we read.

Does anyone have any good tips on how to assist with learning to talk, getting him to make eye contact?

Any words of advice will be much appreciated.

Many thanks to all who have replied to me, it really does mean a lot.

Have a lovely day and a very happy Friday.

Grandma x

How beautiful that you are there for him. Please do not be sad. Celebrate what he can do and be glad that when you know the areas he has difficulties there are plenty of people here who can support you. I have high functioning Asd and co-morbid conditions so I have been able to find ways for my boys to deal with their autism at a young age. Please always feel free to ask if you need to. There are many parents and grandparents who can share the beauty of autism with you, and the moments when we all struggle. We are all different. Despite my difficulties I have taught for over 35 years and worked as Assistant Principal in an Academy. My advice would be to listen to the difficulties so you understand where he will need help, but really hear his strengths. His strengths are there to help him in the moments he needs but he cannot do this without the loving, guiding hands of his family. Bless you for being one of these strengths for him. 

Hi everyone, thank you so much for the replies it really means a lot. 

I was feeling alone in a way, I am there for my daughter, her husband and of course my gorgeous grandson, who I call my 'Barry White' as he is my first, my last, my everything.

I joined the forum for guidance and to talk to people who have similar things going on.

My little man has speech delay, is not sociable with strangers but it very sociable with those close to him.

I work full time over 4 days so that I can spend the other day with my little fella. We go to different places, we have done all sorts including a trip to Jersey just the 2 of us. I have some very precious memories already and can't wait for every occasion to see him. 

At last I feel there is someone out there. Many thanks Grandma

Hi NAS51281, the meaning of autism can vary so much, so go by what you see and as others have said be there for your daughter and beware of woowoo claims on the internet. Autism often comes with challenges, but many people with autism achieve great things by anyone's standards (just one example from many; some say that Einstein is believed to have been autistic). Two positive things are 1) it's been picked up early and 2) the world is becoming a better place for people with autism as awareness and understanding increases.

Hi,

Welcome to the forum, the best thing you can do for your grandson and daughter is unconditional love. 

Reading and understanding the differences and effects autism has on different people is a good place to start, think about the things that led to his assessment does he have sensory issues and delayed speech if so read up about ways to help him. Don't be sad

This site is full of great advice and practical ways to support him 

Good luck 

Hi, I was diagnosed a year ago. At the time, the best thing to do for me was just to be there. He's only little, so he proably won't know much about it but just support your daughter. You are a member of the family too, so your feelings and concerns are valid. It might be helpful to talk to your daughter about how you're feeling, she might be able to help or aliviate some of your concerns. 

Good luck, and I hop that my small peice of advice might be able to help you. It get's better.