Diagnosed over a year ago

Well all I can say is try to be yourself. These are professionals and they know what to look for. Go into as much detail as possible even if it means going over allocated time. I’m sure you will be fine. I read over a year ago men in their 60’s wondering why they have been like this all their life’s, going to get assessed and being told they have this condition ( I don’t think it is a condition. More of a gift that ordinary people do not seem to understand) good luck anyways I hope everything works out for you x 

I understand how you feel - but when the help was offered it must have been hard to see what difference it would make. Sometimes support is of more benefit when you've started to come to terms with things, like now. Plus you haven't been doing nothing, you've been addressing other stuff. 

Having much more to tell the person assessing you is exactly how I feel. I gave the psychologist 18 pages of memories from 2-26 years but I'm 58 now so there's lots I didn't say. 

The questions they asked (which were rather strange sometimes) must have been designed to get the information they need. On Friday I'm going to take questions for different scenarios in casemy mind goes blank:

• Austistm diagnosis 
• Autistic traits exist but don't meet DSM-5 criteria
• Different diagnosis to autism 
• Go away and stop bothering us (this one's a joke!) 

I'm going to try and take some notes too, so I don't have to torture my brain afterwards trying to remember what was said. Not sure whether it's a good idea for my husband to come in with me. It might be...

Well good luck on Friday. When I went for my assessment over a year ago I thought I screwed it up and they wouldn’t believe me as I always seem to put on an act in front of other people due to disliking myself throughout my life. I had so much more to tell the person I spoke to about my life but I only answered questions they put to me and I guess my mind went blank when she asked me if I wanted to add anything. It all worked out in the end for me but to make sure they wanted to do another assessment (only to be double sure)  That assessment would not include me but an hour or 2 hour conversation with my parents. Can’t remember the name of the second assessment but it never materialised I guess due to the cost. I was quoted about £800. Obviously I wouldn’t pay it so left it to my doctor to pursue the funding. It never happened so I changed doctors. Tried to pursue it with them and once again never happened. Turns out in the end they were content with my overall diagnosis to confirm I had Aspergers.

i contacted the centre not long after I had finished my interview before all this and spoke to somebody regarding my case and they pretty much confirmed it over the phone with me anyways and told me not to worry. 

my only regret was not seeking help for this diagnosis at the time when I was offered it as I put it to them “Well I’m 34 now” (last year) “ what can I do about it” which brings me to here now 

Brilliant, thanks! I'm going to design one and wear it with pride if I get my diagnosis on Friday. 

You should do. I have never heard of Aspies For Freedom just had to google it. Saw this too https://www.thebadgecentre.co.uk/25mm-promo-badges/?sku=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAw5_fBRCSARIsAGodhk_lMYHgSAm_3Mz77H2_iwOnXqd9KEIZNaoJyQ2MFa98bbpYn72BdKQaAigmEALw_wcB

looks pretty reasonable for prices 

I was really surprised that a film with characters made out of plasticine could create such a strong connections with the characters. The humour is great too... and I keep meaning to make myself an 'Aspies For Freedom' badge! 

That’s amazing I honestly thought it was a computerised animation of some sort. Usually after I watch a movie I like I always look into the background and study it in more depth but out and about at the moment (again). Will do later. 

I sent a link to my parents for them to watch tonight and they said they would

Glad you enjoyed Mary and Max and that it helped to put things into perspective. It was incredible that it was made purely with ClayMation (no special effects).

Some of these 'production facts' are quite interesting and amusing: 

Mary and Max (2009) Behind the Scenes

It took them almost five years from script to screen to make.
There are approximately 132,480 individual frames in the film, which was shot on six high-resolution Canon digital stills cameras.
133 separate sets were constructed for the film. The film is set in the suburbs of Australia and the metropolis of New York, with two very different colour palettes, (brown for Australia, grey for America).
The diversity and complexity of the sets was extreme; everything from a desert island to a chocolate heaven needed to be made.
The New York skyline set was the biggest and most time consuming and took the entire art department crew of twenty people, two months to complete.
475 miniature props were made, everything from a miniature hand blown wine glass to a fully functioning Underwood typewriter which took one of their prop makers 9 weeks to design and build.
147 tailor made costumes were designed and created by their two costume designers.
Mary's wedding dress was based on Lady Diana's, and Ivy's jumpsuit was modelled on the photographer Annie Liebowitz's mother's jumpsuit.
808 miniature Earl Grey tea bag boxes were hand cut, folded, glued, wrapped and airbrushed. At one point all staff helped create these tea bag boxes, with everyone from the producer, to the runner having a hand in these.
120 Noblets were made and their creators were given a great deal of freedom with their designs, some of which are quite risqué! (sexually suggestive)
73 kiloes of plasticine were used to make the mouths, hands and original sculpts of the puppets. Each batch of plasticine had to be perfectly colour matched and mixed for exact texture, consistency and melting point.
12 litres of water based sex lube (or 2,400 teaspoons) were needed to create everything from a tear to a surging jungle river. Their runner was always reluctant whenever he had to go to the chemist for another dozen tubes.
To feed their crew, their chef used over 260 kilos of tomatoes, 280 kilos of coffee beans, and 2600 litres of milk. Over 7800 muffins were consumed, 5236 by the director.

Just finished watching the movie. I enjoyed it and it explaines a lot about myself that I already know but put things into perspective. Thank you 

Mary & Max has a dark side, but ultimately it is an affirming and uplifting film () = aspie hug! 

Thanks for the recommendation. I like Philip Seymour movies will give it a watch when I wake up x 

When you recognise a pattern (which we as autistic people are good at!) then you can work on changing it. I had to make a conscious effort to allow myself to be treated well in a relationship. It felt odd after all the dysfunctional ones.

'Love Yourself First' features in the brilliant ClayMation film about autism, friendship and love: 'Mary and Max' 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=COmnNEr0JA8

Absolutely, that’s been my life story for so many years. It’s like that harder I try to please the more it backfires then the blame always falls on me. Haven’t been able to ever hold down a proper relationship ever

Although it's a cliche I think it's important to try and 'love yourself first'. That way you are less likely to settle for someone who treats you badly.

Autistic people sometimes get into abusive relationships, only realising later that they were being mistreated.

When I was younger I was so grateful to anyone who wanted to be with me that I accepted unkindness. I got much wiser about that as I got older! 

Thank you that makes so much sense. I just hope I meet somebody who understands or either way just accepts me for the person I am. It can be hard out there. I might have to join a support group at some point to meet like-minded people like myself in person. I guess it is just getting the confidence to do this someday. Thanks x 

I met my now husband online through a soulmates site. First we messaged and emailed each other. Then we moved onto phone calls and eventually arranged to meet up.

By the time we met I felt like I already knew him. When I get stuck talking to my husband now I think we should go back to texts and emails. It is much easier than trying to voice things.

Don't forget, our quirky personalities, nervousness and inappropriate comments can actually be a big part of what makes the right person fall in love with us! 

Thank you sunflower, the cringe has seized at the moment. Most likely due to a few drinks pre boxing event. 

It feels as though I can say the right things at times drunk  or sober in person. My only problem is starting the conversation. Once I get going if I can concentrate on not saying anything inappropriate then usually it can end alright. My main problem is starting the conversation. Whether it be me or the other person the nerves just take over and it’s so visible if not verbally then physically. After I get to know them it’s fine but as they always say, first impressions...

Be yourself and stay hopeful - when you meet the right person the relationship thing will work out OK. At 35 you've got lots of years ahead of you to enjoy.

Looking back on my life I can see how relationships might have been different had I understood myself better, but by sheer luck I have ended up married for the second time and OK!

I've put a Tom Waits record on the Virtual Jukebox thread. This reminds me of the anguish of having feelings for someone and trying to get close to them without messing it up!  

Hey everyone thank you for the reply’s. it couldn’t of came at a better time. With my orange juice and lemonade I had been working on this girl who works in this bar about half a mile from where I am now in another bar.

I had not drank for 7 weeks. I drank in this one bar and made a point of not going to the bar where this girl works tonight but I guess karma or whatever took over. 

Walking to where I am now for the first time I saw her out on the street (she was walking to work) she smiled at me (our conversation had been minimum all this time) so I approached her.. the B****t just flowed out my mouth... worlds biggest cringe. Ended in “ I will see you later “ that was about an hour ago and still can’t get over it. I think I better stay on the dl for a while. 

Nice to meet you all and taxi for me I guess lol

Hi Ash! I got my first kiss when I was 19. Exactly. Now I know why. I have consumed weed for a long time, always before social events. Now I'm just taking it easy and trying to understand all the process. They gave me some medicines as well, which has helped a lot.