New Member

Welcome.

Glad to hear that all those years of fighting have come to fruition at last, and that your son is getting good support at school.

The after-school blow-ups are something very commonly reported here by parents of autistic children, especially once the kids hit their teens. Although I tend to shut-down rather than blow-up when stressed, the release of tension built up at school once I got home was a common experience for me as an autistic teenager (though I wasn't diagnosed until my 40s.) Whatever the school is, the way that social behaviour starts rapidly changing when kids go through puberty can be extremely challenging when you're autistic, and a lot of brain-power and self-control can be needed to try to keep up. The academic demands of school ramp up too, of course.

For me, the answer was simply to lie on my bed from getting in until dinner being ready, to let the tension go. Luckily, my Mum was OK with this (I take after her in many ways), and knew that there was little point talking to me at this time; we'd do that later, after my "being around people battery" had recharged a bit. Your son's behaviour sounds a little more challenging than mine was, but I'd suggest finding something that works for him to let the tension out, and allowing this for an agreed, uninterrupted time. Even the simplest of demands, like answering "how was your day at school?" or "what would you like for dinner?", could be too much for me when I'd been straining against burning-out all day, so try to resist the urge to be to curious about his day until he's ready to talk. The frustration wasn't at being asked, it was frustration at having to force my brain to carry on going just that little bit longer, just as I thought I'd reached my sanctuary. Without the recovery time, I wouldn't emerge from that state, as it would be topped-up continuously by every little thing; so that I stayed that way for much longer. I just had to have some time with those social brain circuits turned off.

Best wishes.

Sorry for the delayed reply.  I have been fighting to get the diagnosis and be recognised as having difficulties.  Its been traumatic and his behaviour is challenging.  Thankfully I have him in a special needs school now who are being fabulous with him he just blows up at home and takes it all out on me so being tested for ADHD now as well.  Are you getting support?

I've just joined too.  I have Asperger's.  When you say you have been fighting it I'm not sure what you mean.  Have you been fighting for the diagnosis or fighting his autism?