It’s taken me a long time to realise!

hello! I am very grateful to have found this site. My daughter has just been diagnosed with autism and we are in the early stages of seeing if our local school can accommodate her needs. However, along the journey of appointments with carers, the psychologist and questionaires, I had a kind of “lightning moment” of realisation. Call me slow ( I have been married 17 years), but I am fairly convinced that my husband has autism. It would answer the times when instead of getting emotional support, he became very distant: after our first child was born (emergency c section), I was only told a year later by him, that she had come out grey and floppy, his first visit to see me in the hospital he said hello and then took out a paper and read it by the bedside, his reluctance to get help when I had a urinary infection after our 2nd child, falling off a ladder and fracturing 2 ribs and suffering concussion (told to get up and take a paracetamol), when my mum died, being reluctant to go to the funeral and remaining distant, the list goes on. At these times I remember feeling alarmed at his indifference, and incredibly lonely. A couple of years ago I woke up in the early hours with  a pain like being hit in the stomach, I was doubled over and unable to move. The pain (gall stone blocking bile duct), came in waves and increasing intensity but my husband continued to lie in bed and refused to call for an ambulance. Luckily our eldest daughter came into our room and I begged to use her phone.The irony I suppose, is that my husband is a “double” doctor, ie, he is a registered GP, and has a PhD in neurology.

All these years I have struggled to find companionship. I had self esteem issues before I met my husband so when we met and he was attracted to me it felt wonderful. I sensed some kind of connection, my struggles with depression (exacerbated by sexual abuse by a catholic nun) and what appeared to be his social handicaps. I thought we would help each other...

sorry to ramble on, but just get this down has helped me, even if it doesn’t sound reasonable or fair. I love my partner, and am continuing to try to support him in his very stressful work, but I feel lonely as there is little or no companionship. I am trying to find out as much as I can to help my daughter and my husband and elder daughter (She was assessed at primary school for autism and was just borderline).

  • Your husbands qualifications would indicate he probably has made a diagnosis relating to your childrens condition.

    My now adult son was diagnosed over 30 years ago by a Pediatrric neurologist, and a specialist  team that dealt with child autism at the Wirral childrens hospital, He had been referred by the local hospital Pediatrician. at the age of 3.5yrs, because of his bizzare behaviour becoming obvious. following a referral by our GP  My son too when born suffered a lack of oxygen episode. He too was grey, I dont know about floppy because I never held him just the Nurse as she rushed him to a resucitation unit somewhere else, although I was sitting next to one. He came back a little later bright red, because they must have pumped him full of oxygen. My wife medical records indicate There was menconium in the Birth Fluids, I He S... himself as he was being born in distress.

    as one of the reasons for being austic is heredity and the only Reference I found, was the result of  Chromosone fault called 'Fragile X' syndrome Both Myself and my son had a blood test for this and it was negative for both of us.

    1, it would seem obvious that your  families GP will not be, or should not be your husband, perhaps this is the patient GP situation he fears breaching, by not being wanted to tread on somebody's toes by insisting on a certain course of action. especially they are in the same Practice. It might be different on an Island with only him or another.on an agreed basis.

    2, See your GP (Not Your Husband) discus your problem, and get him/her to get any blood tests for your self and your children tat may indicate, if your children only are positive then your husband aught to do the same.  as you have only female interests, perhaps a female GP may be preferrable.

    3, That said Medicall school is extremely stressful for students to pass, or get nothing. This can affect them. I know this from personal. family experience..

    4, You say your children were assessed at Primary school, Was a neurologist or a specialist Pediactric doctor part of the team neaded, in respect of speech, understanding, comprehension, Interaction with other children, and any bizzarre behavoirs

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