It’s taken me a long time to realise!

hello! I am very grateful to have found this site. My daughter has just been diagnosed with autism and we are in the early stages of seeing if our local school can accommodate her needs. However, along the journey of appointments with carers, the psychologist and questionaires, I had a kind of “lightning moment” of realisation. Call me slow ( I have been married 17 years), but I am fairly convinced that my husband has autism. It would answer the times when instead of getting emotional support, he became very distant: after our first child was born (emergency c section), I was only told a year later by him, that she had come out grey and floppy, his first visit to see me in the hospital he said hello and then took out a paper and read it by the bedside, his reluctance to get help when I had a urinary infection after our 2nd child, falling off a ladder and fracturing 2 ribs and suffering concussion (told to get up and take a paracetamol), when my mum died, being reluctant to go to the funeral and remaining distant, the list goes on. At these times I remember feeling alarmed at his indifference, and incredibly lonely. A couple of years ago I woke up in the early hours with  a pain like being hit in the stomach, I was doubled over and unable to move. The pain (gall stone blocking bile duct), came in waves and increasing intensity but my husband continued to lie in bed and refused to call for an ambulance. Luckily our eldest daughter came into our room and I begged to use her phone.The irony I suppose, is that my husband is a “double” doctor, ie, he is a registered GP, and has a PhD in neurology.

All these years I have struggled to find companionship. I had self esteem issues before I met my husband so when we met and he was attracted to me it felt wonderful. I sensed some kind of connection, my struggles with depression (exacerbated by sexual abuse by a catholic nun) and what appeared to be his social handicaps. I thought we would help each other...

sorry to ramble on, but just get this down has helped me, even if it doesn’t sound reasonable or fair. I love my partner, and am continuing to try to support him in his very stressful work, but I feel lonely as there is little or no companionship. I am trying to find out as much as I can to help my daughter and my husband and elder daughter (She was assessed at primary school for autism and was just borderline).

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