my 2 yr old son is awaiting diagnosis

I would add that in a recent poll at an autism gathering at which I was present 37 out of the 40 present said they did not like eye contact, experienced anxiety and even physical discomfort and found difficulty in maintaining it. Thus I do not speak only for myself in this regard.The OP's child would seem to be one of those who dislike eye contact and it is the OP I was responding to.

I was not attempting a blanket categorisation of autism which would incorporate all the  findings in the diagnostic report given to RecombinantSocks by the diagnosing psychologist.

clovis said:

You may see eye contact as 'good behaviour', we find it painful and unpleasant.

There is a saying about autism that "when you have met someone with autism you have met one person with autism" Our experience varies, Clovis feels that autism is a matter of good luck, my experience is different. Clovis then goes on to say that "we" find it painful and unpleasant. I for one don't find it painful or unpleasant. I'm not good with eye contact, I am not good at working out what people are thinking or feeling from eye contact, I frequently fail to empathise with people but I don't find it painful. Clovis speaks for herself and I speak for myself, we should be wary of generalising and speaking on behalf of other people with autism. Having autism is a bit like being a member of the Labour party - sometimes there is more schism than unity.

Hello, my name is Ferret, I am autistic. Please bear in mind as autistic I can be blunt and that what follows below is 'open' opinion.

This is a two part problem.

Part 1:

You: you feel unsupported and your instincts as a mother had been dismissed or not acknowledged. you have not received any reassurance. you currently do not have enough information, and are now (assessment) being faced with information that at first appears very daunting, if a little terrifying.

For yourself: approach and speak to your GP in the first instance, not about your son, but for yourself, your own health and wellbeing. explain your stresses and strains, the level of stress you are experiencing in and of yourself. you need someone on your side, as a person, not just a 'mother with an autistic son'.

If you have an unsympathetic GP, or you feel your personal needs are not being acknowledge, get a different GP.

Note: it can be frightening and daunting, particularly if you/what you have said, has been dismissed historically. Ironically, you have experienced what it is like to be undiagnosed autistic, in that often many of us know we are, know that there is something 'not quite right', are even told, and yet we are dismissed, what we say for ourselves is not acknowledged, nor validated, and many people do not see what we are going through, and many of us are constantly made to feel like 'drama queens'.

Part 2

The myths: i think it is necessary to take the anxiety(?) fear(?) out of this for you as much as possible, and to give you an insight into autism from someone who actually has it. Hopefully, this will go some way towards giving you some relief and dispel some fear(?) and from which you can take reassurance(?)

Re: sleep<---recombinantsocks has the word on this. their comment is comprehensive. lack of stimulus is paramount. we need peaceful environments. also routine will help, a putting to bed at the same time every night, even if he does not sleep, routine or 'down time' will assist.

as autistics we become very stimulated by our environment - i call it 'upped'. we can't prevent it from happening, but we can do things to avoid it, or lessen the effects. i never slept as a child. i have had chronic insomnia all of my adult life - much made worse by the fact i went undiagnosed for so long and the strain of 'appearing normal'. i sleep when i need to. your child will sleep when he needs to.

Note: sometimes it might be an instinct in a parent not to neglect a child, but often peace is most important for a child with autism. experiment with different ways of de-stimulating the sleeping environment, and see what works best. there is no rule book. as a child i liked sameness, so same blanket, same teddy-bear, same wallpaper even! or favourite plushie might help. i would talk to myself a lot. i was quite happy to lay there and chat away to my bear.

making the routine positive, with positive reinforcement, and calm, will 'de-stress' you, as well as ensure that 'sleep time' is seen as a good thing, and that him 'not sleeping' is not 'read' by him as a negative thing.  

Re eye contact: for autism it is all about what is known and what is safe and what is sameness. strangers and others will not get the same response. this will improve over time dependent upon where your son is on the spectrum. i do not look at strangers because they have yet to achieve 'safe' status. autistics are often regarded as rude, abrupt, blunt, stand-offish, aloof, ignorant, stupid, 'deaf' etc. etc. we are not, we are busy, too busy processing all the information we are getting from everything around us.

Re: speech: my speech was delayed. as you can see, i am articulate and able to communicate, as you can see. your son may repeat lots of phrases because it's nice. autistics like repetition - see stimming - also when you speak to him, speak to him all the time, a constant dialogue, he will pick it up even if he appears not to.

Note: word games help, simple ones, also singing, nursery rhymes that teach speech 'one, two buckle my shoe, three four, knock at the door' the old ones, there is truth in them. autistics are visual thinkers, so visual reinforcement of language eg. pictures and words in his environment will help.

Re stimming: we also do something called 'stimming' which is stimulation, repeating things, doing the same thing over and over and over, repetitive vocalisation etc - your son jumps? - this is also stimming I suspect. as a baby, i used to jump/bounce in my cot - i even broke it once, by bouncing out the screws that held it together - see no sleeping - i was as happy as a bee doing this. i also enjoyed rocking, tapping, etc. i had a swing too as i got older. perhaps an idea would be, if you are concerned about the furniture, to get him a bouncer or something he can use specifically for bouncing?

Re food: we are very specific about our food - we like sameness - and also we may have issues of over sensitivity moreso to tastes too in the mix here. i personally liked all food, but this was the result of positive reinforcement from one particular family member whom i trusted implicitly and who made it a sharing and positive experience, plus, we would eat 'on-the-hoof' so to speak, a small plate, a small amount, shared together. i am inquisitive about food even today, but as routine if i get overload, i stick to a very rigid diet of food because 'i don't need to think about it'.

ultimately, i would suggest that as all autistics are different - think of cats with different colours and stripes etc, but we are all cats - it all depends on the positive reinforcement at point of food. again positive reinforcement will help food, specifically sharing, as we learn by copying - repetition. mealtimes could  be improved by making it a shared experience. if he refuses food, don't worry too much. as long as he is getting his nutrition in fluid form, this will be okay. - re crisps, he's seen you eat them. try and remember how you introduced him to crisps, how it was done, there will be a clue there. could it be purely that he likes crunchy food, not mushy food - i personally could not put a piece of mushy food in my mouth for love nor money, it's the texture, it's just a no, no, no, no.

Note: when you get your confirmed diagnosis, if you are concerned about his nutrition intake, ask to speak to a nutritionist specializing in autism if you have concerns/to make sure you have that base covered. if it transpires he does not have autism, ask to speak to a nutitionist anyway if food problems persist

.Re: change/moving - if this has occurred since he was born, he reads this as normal, he knows the routine. i moved very often as a child. as long as the sameness was around me, ie, things i recognised in my personal environment, it wouldn't have mattered if i had moved to the moon and back. sameness is important, we cling to it for foundation.

Re mess - mess is lovely. mess is input. mess is fun. mess is information. mess is stimulus. i used to make an awful mess. drag everything out of the cupboards, rattle everything around on the floor, pots, pans, cooking utensils. i still live in a mess, but i know exactly where everything is, like a game of cards 'Pairs'? i can remember. i can see it in my head, like a picture, every single detail. autistics like patterns and details. like a jigsaw.

in fact, conversely, the restriction of having to sit at a table and eat formally is hell for me... too much focus and energy required.. order is not natural, but order in chaos is.

Re: running etc - we need to move, we need to burn off our excess mental energy. your son is doing what is perfectly natural. let him run.

you could have a potential Olympic sprinter on your hands....

A note on autism in general: Clovis has the word on this - many autistics do not feel they 'suffer' the 'condition'. I do however, accept that there is much suffering experienced by parents of children, particularly if their child (suffers) is further along the spectrum and more 'locked in'.

There are many myths about autism. There are also many fears. Don't be afraid of autism, nor of the daunting list of attributes. Get any information from the horse's mouth.

The autistic spectrum is wide, there are many colours. It is not a disorder, and no longer classed as such. Society's attitudes are changing, and there is a lot of support available out there to help you.

 Your son is being completely normal for him.

nic12court, please be aware that not all autistic people identify as 'sufferers'. Many of us are proud to be autistic and wouldn't be otherwise if given the choice. I feel lucky to be born autistic.

I would also say that the eye contact thing is something that really bothers neurotypical people and they focus on getting us to do it. We can't really see why. Its unpleasant for many of us, even painful. If your son would rather not do it then please let him find his own comfort level with it. You may see eye contact as 'good behaviour', we find it painful and unpleasant.

I hope your son grows up a happy and fulfilled autistic man and thats a worthwhile goal to aim for. He won't be neurotypical though, ever, just as a kitten will never grow up to be a dog.

Firstly, welcome to the forum. There is a wide variety of people on the forum. Some more affected than others, some are parents but many, like me, have been diagnosed later in life after significant difficulties with social life that can only be explained with a diagnosis of autism.

As a sufferer, I have read a lot about it and also suffer from some of the issues (e.g. sleep, eye contact) that your son has.

The first piece of advice is to find about about positive reinforcement. People with autism often react badly to anything that appears to be arbitrary and unjustified. Try and encourage good behaviour but above all try to be consistent so that he has the best chance of working out what the rules of life are. Try not to change your mind and give in if you have said no - it is better to delay a decision and get it right than make a snap decision that you then overturn.

Sleep patterns in a child with autism are often an issue. There are good practices for sleep hygiene that apply particularly to asomeone with autism. I use blackout curtains sometimes and this can help me get through what would otherwise be a sleepless night. Try and reinforce the natural daily cycle - days should be bright but nights should be dark (perhaps darker than you might think necessary. There is also a current trend to try and avoid exposure to blue light in the evenings - turn off the tv and ipad and phione - blue light looks like daylight and it can fool the brain into thinking that it is still daytime. There was a BBC programme about this last week (it was about kids generally but it also applies to kids with autism) that you should watch if you haven't already seen it.

In addition to my post just now, I would like to add that he also loves to run alot! whether it be in our long frontroom or the park or just generally out walking. He also licks  alot of things,including walls & floors!