Do prior records help or inhibit diagnosis?

Hi Robert,

Welcome to the forum. The mental health system is variable to say the least! I have had a good experience - my local MH/autism specialist people have been very supportive. Many people have been less fortunate and I can only wish you well in your current foray into this diagnosis.

They do like to have something to describe your early life but they should look at all available evidence, including your own recollections, before making a diagnosis. I was diagnosed at 56 and there are plenty of other people getting diagnosed at this age so you are absolutely not alone. Mental health diagnosis is not an exact science though and there are lots of people on the forum who have had other mistaken diagnoses before getting to something useful.

Do prior records help or inhibit diagnosis?

That depends on how accurate those records are!

I am also waiting for a diagnosis.  This year i have seen two psychiatrists and am due to be seen by a multidisciplinary team in mid may.

I am not sure how far into the past they want to look or what records still exist.  

I am over 50 and have suffered mental health problems since infancy, and the help and diagnosis have been a complete mess.  I have often avoided seeking help, fearing i would make a bad situation worse.  That is until my three suicide attempts last year.

I still unsure what's in my medical records, although i went through two special schools when i was 8 and 10 years old.  I've managed to dig out some of my very old school reports.  These are not much help.  Mostly they make generalised comments on academic progress.  And the few comments on the social side of my situation are complete rubbish.  

To quote " He has settled into the form very well, and his wry sense of humour and placid fatalism are perhaps the qualities which have secured him firm friendships within the class" 

My memories of that time are of no friends, loneliness, constant bullying, missing school for weeks at a time and considering suicide almost daily.

Dear IrkaBlue,

It is very clear from your posts that you care deeply about things and that you are fundamentally a good person. Never forget this, this is more important than anything else. Your parents know this and it sounds as though they will stick with you through thick and thin.

Employers are always looking for people who care. You will find a position where you can put this care to good use.

Trying to find a position whilst, at the same time, going through diagnosis and discovering more about yourself, and also trying to untangle your anxieties and issues, might not be the best use of your energies at the moment. You have to be kind to yourself and give yourself some time to come to terms with, and learn how to deal with, a diagnosis.

I was diagnosed 3 years ago and had to change jobs and to begin with I found a job that was worse than the one that triggered my breakdown and diagnosis. In the end I walked away because the situation was just too stressful to bear. Now that I have found yet another job and had time to work out what the diagnosis means, I am much less stressed, have much rarer anxiety attacks and am in a very different mental place to where I was 3 years ago.

It took well over a hundred job applications, and a dozen or so interviews before I found my new job but eventually I have found a position where I fit in well and my skills are valued. If you got Longman's post then you should look at a wide variety of jobs and look for the opportunity in each rather than being prejudiced by the images that you might have picked up over the years.

Do not despair, give yourself some time and try to be less critical of yourself. People with Aspergers are often critical and it can be put to good use sometimes but it can be destructive when you turn the criticism on yourself.

I can be really forgetful, so I do apologise for not responding sooner. I did finally get acknowledgement of my referral and confirmation that I am on the waiting list. There is only one Adult Autism team in my area and referral numbers have increased. I'm glad more people are hopefully getting the answers they need. I just hate waiting because I always come up with the most ridiculous of scenarios of what will happen. I guess even though I have no doubts, and in all clinical tests used, I score significantly above the minimum threshold... I still feel as if maybe I'm a hypochondriac? 

I doubt. I've always doubted.  Maybe not as much externally, because people would just tell me not to, and it'd be awkward for me. I know continiously rejecting their opinion would make it appear as if I was just attention seeking. The truth is, I have no strengths as a person.  I'm not particularly super nice, mean or intelligent. I read exceptionally fast, but I write and can only speak in a very awkward fashion. No matter how hard I try, I can't drill in the basic grammatical skills of the English language into my head. The kicker? I truly love writing and always have. I've loved escaping into a fictional world through reading and writing.  I just feel like a dead weight in the lives of my family.

I'm 22 and I've never managed to gain paid employment. I've been applying since I was sixteen years old, and have had a grand total of 2 interviews. One, was basically coldcalling (everyone got an interview). I have trouble hearing through background noise etc.  They were gracious when they offered extra help in training, but it was obvious I was useless and even if they framed it as 'being too nice a person' to handle it...

The second, was an interview for a Dominos. I obviously didn't get an offer of employment and I could tell even after the interview. He was nice, but even I could tell he thought I was odd. The irony is that I'd have worked all the shifts and hours given to me without complaint. I'd have worked harder than anyone else because I was so damn grateful to actually be given an interview. I was 21 years old at the time and just managed to land MY FIRST interview. 

Since we've spoken I've applied for about 30 positions. I have received exactly 0 responses. My CV (albeit lacking in paid employment experience) is as good as it can be without lying. The trouble is that I'm a 22 year old with no relevant experience they want. And they'd have to pay me 6.70 when they could hire an 18 year old (with experience) for less.

My savings are just about out and I'm going to need to apply for job seekers. I'm going to need to have weekly meetings. Demeaning. And I don't think I can mentally cope with it? My family members don't think I can either. I have my parents telling me not to worry and not to apply.

Now that I came clean about my troubles, I've been so well supported, but I am 22 years old and not currently in study... I can't let my parents support me any longer. I'm not lazy or unwilling to work at all. I want to work even if it means I'll spend an hour sobbing after a shift to decompress. 

I can take it, if it means I'm not a dead weight. Sorry for unloading this all here, but I'd been stupidly optimistic that I'd get an interview or two. I apply for anything that I can conceivably travel to and from. I've even applied to stuff where I'd need to hang about for hours before/after in order to use public transport. The trouble is that there are some jobs like waitressing that I physically can't do? I lose balance just standing upright... I speak too fast/struggle with some pronunciations ... Taking in verbal instructions? Hahahaha...I struggle.

I feel broken. I know that doesn't apply for everyone, but for me, I just feel defective. I just want to stop being anxious, awkward and fit in.

I want to be able to cope with loud music in bars and wear tight/attractive clothes. I don't want to pull away from any chance of a relationship with someone I could be really happy with. I want to not have to plan any journeys to a T. Triple or quadruple checking everything. Panic mid-journey in case I messed up and...  Honestly, I just want to hide away in a dark room and let the world go on around me.

 Simultaneously, I want to be able enjoy going out for meals or a drink with friends who deserve better than me! I want to stop being terrified of the world around me. I'm trying to be patient and calm, when really I want to rake my nails down my arms, or rock backwards and forwards... Stamp my feet or punch walls. I want to scream. I want to break something. I want to hurt on the outside as much as I hurt inside.  But I don't because that isn't 'normal'.  Every harsh word or criticism destroys me inside, not because I disagree, but because most of the time I know they are being kind. 

To stop them worrying, I make out I'm doing much better.  That I'm confident a diagnosis will allow me to get into a 'normal' life. In reality, I know it isn't going to fix a thing. I'm on the wrong frequency and I after so many years of trying I don't think I'm going to ever find the right one. I can't help but to think EVEN with a diagnosis: what kind of future can I make for myself? All I do is disappoint.

The anxiety and depression is, in my mind at least, not part of autism, it is a response to clattering about in a world that you don't really understand and fit in with. As you learn how other people are different then you should be able to work out how to handle them and yourself better. Anxiety and depression can then subside and you can become more comfortable with who you are.

There is an obsessive streak in all autistic people. If you can turn that to good use by studying the differences and similarities between autistic people and other people then it can be a good thing. Think of it as diligence rather than obsession.

You are what you are, it is a difference but I don't think it makes us broken but equally I don't think of it as a magic power!

Deepthought:

My mother will be accompanying me when I have my assessment. If she is unable to, then I have two older sisters who would be able stand in.  I have been referred and the average waiting time is 26-30 weeks according to a Freedom of Information request answer for my NHS board area.  Nearly double the official waiting time. This was based mostly on 2015 figures as the 2016 figures were not yet all available at the time the request was answered. My GP was under the impression I should be getting one fairly soon, though, as there has been an investment in my area in recent years. I'm not so confident after my research.   

Recombinantsocks:

It actually does. I don't normally feel reassured when people try and talk me out of my nonstop worrying. It usually only makes me worse off. That said, since being on antidepressants, I've found that my mind isn't as frantic. I'm not hitting my usual level of anxiety over every basic thing. I don't know if that comes from admitting I wasn't coping, and receiving support I never expected (a lot of misunderstandings with family are now understood).

I always felt like I was so alone and that nobody would understand. That they wouldn't care or believe. I was wrong and with my honesty, they have been nothing but supportive.  I just felt like I was the problem and my inability to adapt properly and 'grow out' of my problems was on me. Even though, for years I've always known that how I think, perceive and process things isn't 'normal'. It just became more apparent in my mid-teens (to me) that it wasn't shyness or just lack of confidence...it wasn't something I could replace with learning.  

Thank you, both of you, for taking the time to respond.

I've gone quite obsessive lately, whereas before I was resistant to even reading the 'Autism' word. I avoided people talking about it. Television shows. Books. Awareness Campaigns. Only to have an hour where all I could do was research it. To understand! Because I didn't want to acknowledge that I might not be able to 'fix' what I perceive as glaring flaws in me. I guess I should add that I know I'm extremely self critical. 

IrkaBlue said:

I'm a researcher by study, started out in Psychology, so I like to think I can be objective in my own 'self-diagnosis'. I'm just so scared of exposing how vulnerable I really am by being completely honest.

You would like to think that you are being objective but you will also know that that objectivity has very real limits!

People who trust other people with their fears or secrets are rewarded because these revelations impress people. People generally dislike other people who are too secretive.

It is entirely normal for someone with autism to be anxious about the whole process. Can you take any comfort from the fact that your thoughts and behaviour, as revealed in your post, are very typical of someone with autism?

All data from childhood will be of great value for the diagnostic process. If you can go to the assesment with a family member who has known you since day dot, that makes the psychologists job all the easier to rule out personal bias, confabulation and all that.

When I went to my assesment, my mother came with me - and I took along a folder of my NHS assesments regarding my difficulties, which helped also in that some of the referral paperwork had been lost in transit. I had to take the psychologist through the details of the paperwork, but having studied psychology since 1991 it did not take long to go through it - and joy of joys the psychologist knew how to speak in concrete terms and sentences, and when abstractions were required (for my mothers sake) he introduced them as such.

It was the first time I had ever had an entirely positive interaction with an NHS psychologist, and I felt understood and was in no way cut off or sidelined in regard to anything I said. It was a fantastic experience, and this was added to in that the psychologhist and I had a bit of a techinical chat about deph psychology and psychoanalysis - which most people know little or next to nothing about, so that was really very refreshing indeed. 

Do you know yet when your assesment is, and have you made any plans about going with a family member?