I'm a 22 year old waiting for her assessment, and I'm guessing most of you know how hard the wait is, though, I'm fighting back after my supreme meltdown in December to get in work. Trying not to put my life on hold beyond avoiding returning to study until I get a diagnosis.
I was assessed when I was a young child at the local neurodisability centre for children. So, ah, I'm guessing these will be on my medical records?
- They believed I had learning difficulties (that was proven otherwise)
- I was discovered to have poor coordination and fine motor skills (I fall standing up)
- Repeatedly saw audiologist (not deaf, probably just shy)
- Speech and Language Therapist (they concluded it was muscle slackness behind my speech difficulties)
- Educational Psychologist
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This was in the late 1990s and early 2000. My GP has since referred me for an Adult assessment when I confided in her that part of why I was depressed came down to me feeling alien no matter what. The wait is difficult and I'm wondering if these prior records will be useful or negative in how they influence the opinion of my assessor/s.
I can't help but to overthink this, even though deep down, I know I have an AS disorder. There's always been an oddness to me, and there are too many traits of (ASD) with comorbid conditions, for me to feel as if I'm trying to label myself falsely ( which I thought for some years).
Now, I can't help but worry that they'll think I'm attention seeking? Or think I know better than professionals. I feel that I began to mask too soon (I had older sisters to copy), and my tomboyish was because (my first few pre-school friends were boys). I'm frustrated. But I know that most girls with Autism tended to present with learning difficulties (as far as most were concerned). So, certainly, I'm rather frustrated that I believe I was 'missed', even though, naturally, I do understand the factors that would have contributed to it.
I'm a researcher by study, started out in Psychology, so I like to think I can be objective in my own 'self-diagnosis'. I'm just so scared of exposing how vulnerable I really am by being completely honest. I feel a bit like a helpless child again, or maybe I never properly grew out of that immature part of myself? I've always felt this odd mix of 'old soul/naive child'.
Has anyone had a similiar experience, or have any guesses on how this could work out?
-Irka
