Published on 12, July, 2020
My 4 month old daughter is showing some signs that are very worrying to me. I know at such a young age I'm not going to get any kind of diagnosis but it would be interesting to read if anyone else's little ones were showing any signs at a young age?
I first searched for topics about development delays and autism in babies from even a week or so old. It's relatable to me as my partner (and both daughters father) sister has a son (3yo) who has just been diagnosed as Autistic so maybe that makes me over analyse things more? Anyway..from the start I noticed her eye contact wasn't great..I mean she looks at us but quite often 'past' us..like at lights or anything else in the room. She will look at us while laying on her back but sometimes looks away quickly if she smiles. And is reluctant to look at us when held and i feel like I hold her outwards to avoid making her upset but it breaks my heart as I'd love to interact with her She smiles but even at almost 4 months now they have to be 'earned' she has a sad/blank little expression a lot of the time and I worry she isn't happy! She sometimes looks at me while breastfeeding but not as much as my first daughter and I've noticed sometimes I find her looking at during a feed so I speak to her but then she'll try and bury her face in my *** to get away and sometimes if I continue to look (and smile) she'll actually start to cry? She sucks her fingers constantly or holds her hands together but generally obsessed with having something in her mouth which a lot of the time is me as she's exclusively breastfed. She feeds very often..I feel like my first DD is missing out on time with me because her sisters feeding is so regular during the day (at night she's not too bad, generally goes down when I do about 10:00-10:30 and sleeps until 6am then straight back off til 8am ish) i sometimes feel like she just gets overwhelmed easily and needs the feed to calm down and get to sleep. She doesn't nap for long and generally wakes after a few minutes if I try to put her down. A few times in the last week she's really worried me..once we had been down at the beach and she was in her carrier and we were walking back to the car when she started crying unconsolably I checked her nappy and she'd pooped (she does cry when her nappy is dirty which is something DD1 never did) I changed her and offered her a feed which she refused and just screamed/arched her back for a few minutes before finally taking a feed. This happened again a few days later when we were driving she started screaming..it took a few minutes to find a safe place to stop and again when we did she screamed/arched back for a few minutes before taking a feed and calming down. It really worries me and I'm struggling to just put these feeling aside and enjoying her precious babyhood without analysing things. She hates bath time..she cries and looks scared and I usually have to offer her a feed during a bath to stop her getting too upset (I bath with her). Does this sound normal to you? Am I being paranoid? I'm driving myself to depression worrying about her even though it doesn't change things I know but I just want to know so I can help her the best I can I haven't seen Health Visitor since she was 8 weeks old but I have scheduled a appointment for a week tomorrow to talk about my concerns. I just want some opinions on how she is from an outside prospective.. Am i crazy or right to be worried? I think my worry comes from my eventful pregnancy and the feeling that it's all damaged her in some way..I blame myself I just want her to be happy regardless..it won't change the love I have for my little angel. I'll also add, she hated tummy time from the start but learned to roll herself from her back to her tummy at 3 months but not back again consistently and often gets upset after a minute or two and doesn't lift much from her shoulders she just face plants and her arms go back but she pushes with her legs. She has done a little laugh on few occasions but very rare. Also doesn't make much noise..very very little babble or cooing and no soft baby noises.
I am so worried about her and I really don't know where to turn! Any replies would be greatly appreciated x
I hope the HV can reassure you but I would also like offer some thoughts from my own experience as father of a child who was inconsolable and who fed incessantly and did not sleep until his first birthday. I know, first hand, how exhausting and stressful and distressing this is. You are absolutely right to ask for help - do not struggle alone or you might do something awful.
Firstly, children are actually very resilient - if they are crying strongly then they have a good pair of lungs! You should perhaps be more concerned for a child that is listless and drowsy. Ours is now grown up and we are waiting for the arrival of a grandchild - he was seriously inconsolable but we did everything we could think of and that really is all you can do. He has turned out fine and we did our best and that is all you can do.
With the benefit of hindsight I would now try and be more consistent and rational and I would try anything within reason (like the removal of fruit from your diet) because it could just work for you and an inconsolable child is heart-breaking to be with. The other thing to consider is whether you should try to just let the child cry rather than offering more food - if the child is strong and looks well fed and has had a good feed then does it make sense for it to carry on feeding? A dummy was a massive help for our son and I wished that we had tried it sooner. It is hard to listen to a baby crying but sometimes, if you have done everything you can think of, then what more can you do?
The blank face and lack of eye contact does suggest autism as a possibility but this does not mean that they are brain damaged and have a low IQ or anything. I too get told to cheer up on a regular basis but have been to univeristy etc.