Concerned about my 4 month old

I hope the HV can reassure you but I would also like offer some thoughts from my own experience as father of a child who was inconsolable and who fed incessantly and did not sleep until his first birthday. I know, first hand, how exhausting and stressful and distressing this is. You are absolutely right to ask for help - do not struggle alone or you might do something awful.

Firstly, children are actually very resilient - if they are crying strongly then they have a good pair of lungs! You should perhaps be more concerned for a child that is listless and drowsy. Ours is now grown up and we are waiting for the arrival of a grandchild - he was seriously inconsolable but we did everything we could think of and that really is all you can do. He has turned out fine and we did our best and that is all you can do.

With the benefit of hindsight I would now try and be more consistent and rational and I would try anything within reason (like the removal of fruit from your diet) because it could just work for you and an inconsolable child is heart-breaking to be with. The other thing to consider is whether you should try to just let the child cry rather than offering more food - if the child is strong and looks well fed and has had a good feed then does it make sense for it to carry on feeding? A dummy was a massive help for our son and I wished that we had tried it sooner. It is hard to listen to a baby crying but sometimes, if you have done everything you can think of, then what more can you do?

The blank face and lack of eye contact does suggest autism as a possibility but this does not mean that they are brain damaged and have a low IQ or anything. I too get told to cheer up on a regular basis but have been to univeristy etc.

I just read your post again and would like to try to reassure you about a few worries you have. 

These are:

"she has a sad/blank little expression a lot of the time and I worry she isn't happy!

I speak to her but then she'll try and bury her face in my *** to get away and sometimes if I continue to look (and smile) she'll actually start to cry..... She feeds very often..I feel like my first DD is missing out on time with me because her sisters feeding is so regular during the day 

I'm driving myself to depression worrying about her even though it doesn't change things I know but I just want to know so I can help her the best I can"

A sad/blank expression is common in people with autism. I've often had people trying to "cheer me up" when I wasn't actually miserable. 

Maybe breastfeeding is her way of "switching off" and feeling like she doesn't have to interact. This may sound a bit odd or irrelevant,  but many Autistic people don't like to be looked at when they're eating! Perhaps you could try giving your attention to her sister while she is feeding - maybe read her sister a story or something and see how that works. 

Worrying is natural, but will make her more unsettled. Many of us are highly sensitive to the moods of those around us. Try to be calm and go with what is most comforting / least stressful for her. Acting confident and keeping to a familiar routine may help. 

I don't think you should worry about her unless she is obviously in distress. She should find ways of coping and adapting as she grows and develops. 

Hope the health visitor can help too - I'd be interested to hear their opinion.

The fruit question is prompted by

a) some people being salicylate intolerant. Salicylates are a chemical that is found in most fruits but not most vegetables. They are also present in soft drinks i.e. anything that contains aspartame as a sweetener. Salicylates protect fruit from insect attack.

b) I mentioned this as a possibility to a friend who had recently had a baby. The baby was inconsolable and would not sleep. The baby's mother liked apples but, in desparation, agreed to lay off to see if it would do any good. The baby settled much better. The mother then started eating apples again and the baby started crying and not sleeping again. The mother gave up the apples and the baby settled again. Each period of laying off was about a week long. The mother was not going to eat apples again until the baby was weaned.

The theory is that the salicylates can be transmitted through *** milk and can upset the baby somehow.

I have discovered, very late in life, that I seem to be intolerant to fruit - certain fruits give me definite reactions. I am also autistic. There are a number of special diets for autism and one of these is based around salycilate intolerance. The solid evidence for autistic people being generally affected by salicylates does not seem to be there but it is certainly possible for people to have multiple issues at the same time.

Thank you for the replies! Am going to get her one of the shallow bath seats today hopefully she'll like it better! Breastfeeding definitely comforts her I think it's more the reason she feeds so often, not always hunger. I do feel she gets quickly over stimulated. She is a thumb suckered but prefers her Mummy dummy hehe! I have tried a few kinds of dummy as well but she won't accept any. Thank you for your advice! :)

And the fruit question..I eat fruit but not to excess. Can I ask why? X

Hi Mummy to 2,

This is going to sound crazy but please bear with for a moment. Do you eat a lot of fruit, for example apples?

I haven't been in your situation but as an Aspie female I'll try to give a few ideas.

It may be that she's just starting to realise she's a separate individual (not sure when this usually happens)  and is starting to get overwhelmed by certain things. 

Some people with autism find being held really difficult and smothering. Does breastfeeding seem to comfort her? If you're not certain, maybe try a bottle? 

Many of us were thumb suckers I believe. See if you can get her to suck her thumb or try a dummy to comfort her if all else fails 

And try bathing her in a shallow baby bath. Less scary perhaps as the water isn't so deep