43 and think I'm on the spectrum

Thanks for commenting, Pheon. Neurotribes sounds really interesting (if harrowing).

I have been on Lithium but it had no effect on my moods. I have also tried other mood stabilisers over the past six years but am currently on none at all because none of them had the desired effect.

What you say about Prozac making you aggressive is interesting. I have been on Prozac for about seven years now. It's hard to remember what I was like before it, but I'm too afraid to come off it at the moment.

It seems (from what little research I've done) that a diagnosis of bipolar or other mental health problems such as OCD/depression/anxiety often precede or accompany a diagnosis of autism. I suppose it stands to reason. But it's worrying that really strong medications are being prescribed for something which can't be "fixed" with medication.

I am 56 and was recently diagnosed, with both Asperger syndrome and bipolar disorder, after I lost my job.  The second psychiatrist I consulted - an expert in Autism Sprectrum Disorder in adults - said that my bipolar disorder, which has for large periods of my life been in remission, amplified the effect of my Asperger's.

In spite of losing my Employment Tribunal case I am positive about my future.  Now that I understand better who I am and what makes me tick I feel better able to express myself, appreciate who I really am and look to ways I can contribute and find fulfillment.  I have remained married for 23 years (it's not been easy for her, but my wife has stuck with me) and I have two sons, 20 and 15, both of whom I have now been able to talk to about my condition.

You mention drugs not working.  I was originally diagnosed with Depression, ASD and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and put on Prozac.  I don't think the Prozac did anything positive for me - in fact it may have made me uncharacteristically agressive.  I gave it up against my shrink's advice after six months.   Apart from sleeping pills, the only other drug I have taken is Lorazepam - an anti-anxiety pill.  It certainly reduced my anxiety but it also made me very drowsy.  I have been advised against Lithium becasue my bipolar is not so severe (I once had a landlady who had much worse bipolar and she became incoherent when on a high, which has never happened to me).

As for books, I am currently nearly half way through reading "Neurotribes; the legacy of autism and how to think smarter about people who think differently" by Steve Silberman.  This is an accessible account of the history of autism.  It is heartbreaking to learn what happed to  autistic children in the past, especially in Nazi Germany and the US (and no doubt the UK too) in the 1950s and 1960s but I would recommend it based on what I have read so far.

londonlibrarian, thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it. Nice to know I'm not alone!

You make some very good points. I don't have to tell people, you're right. Besides, I need to get my own head around it first! And, yes, I'm still the same person. I'm just going to have to get used to the fact that I'm the 'strange' one, and not other people, as I've thought for all these years....!

Interesting to hear that you weren't diagnosed until your 30s. There seems to be very little information available to adults who are diagnosed in adulthood. Can you recommend any reading/books?

Thanks again for responding.

Hi sorry to 'hijack' your thread, I was just reading your comment London Librarian and I am going to start a new thread inspired by your comment re. coping strategies.  This will be in the Living on the Spectrum section of the discussion forum, if you would like to contribute.

Hi there aspermum.  I'm a newcomer to the forum too.  Your story has similarities to mine so I hope I can contribute something of use here.

I was diagnosed a few years ago when I was aged 33.  Like you I had always felt "different" since early childhood.  I did well in school but I now know that I ticked all the boxes for characteristics of autism.  After suffering severe depression as a teenager I was a serial underachiever and went to various types of therapists over the years.  In the end it was a clinical psychologist who recognised that I was possibly autistic and in that way I came to be diagnosed.

You say that you wonder how you got to be 43 and not diagnosed.  Actually this is not an unusual thing - there are many people who find out in their 30s 40s or beyond that they are autistic. I guess this is just due to lack of awareness at the time when we were kids and sadly today many professionals still don't know enough about autism either.

Re. your concerns about what people would think, if you were to be diagnosed.  I also had these fears myself - I thought suddenly I would be obliged to disclose my autism to everyone and that people would think badly of me.  It may help to remember the following:

1 - you don't have to go down the route of formal diagnosis if you don't want to.  There are many people who choose to self-identify as autistic and find this just as helpful as a formal diagnosis.

2 - if you are autistic, you have always been autistic i.e. you are the same person you have always been with the same problems and the same gifts (being autistic is by no means all negative!).  Being diagnosed or self-identifying as autistic just gives you a new way of understanding yourself and your life experiences.

3 - you are under no obligation to tell anyone.  You don't even have to tell your kids if you don't want to (although I doubt they would reject you or love you any less because of it)- you don't mention their ages but if they are quite small now you might choose to wait until they are of an age where you feel they would understand.  You say you've had some problems with jobs - autism is classed as a disability and if diagnosed you could disclose this to employers to get extra support - again, this doesn't meant that all your colleagues would have to know, it could be kept between you and those who need to know such as your line manager.  I have chosen to tell only people I know well and trust and this has worked well for me.   The only negative response I had was from my dad who found it difficult to accept - this didn't spoil our relationship though, it was just something we had a few rows over.  It took a while but he has recently found out more about autism and he told me a few months ago that he fully accepts my diagnosis.

Of course not everyone finds being diagnosed a positive thing but in my case knowing that I am autistic has improved my life a great deal - so many of the difficulties I have and negative things that happened in the past now make sense and I am much more confident.  I have also been able to learn techniques and coping strategies to overcome some of the impairments I have.  

I hope that his helps you aspermum and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.