43 and think I'm on the spectrum

Hi there aspermum.  I'm a newcomer to the forum too.  Your story has similarities to mine so I hope I can contribute something of use here.

I was diagnosed a few years ago when I was aged 33.  Like you I had always felt "different" since early childhood.  I did well in school but I now know that I ticked all the boxes for characteristics of autism.  After suffering severe depression as a teenager I was a serial underachiever and went to various types of therapists over the years.  In the end it was a clinical psychologist who recognised that I was possibly autistic and in that way I came to be diagnosed.

You say that you wonder how you got to be 43 and not diagnosed.  Actually this is not an unusual thing - there are many people who find out in their 30s 40s or beyond that they are autistic. I guess this is just due to lack of awareness at the time when we were kids and sadly today many professionals still don't know enough about autism either.

Re. your concerns about what people would think, if you were to be diagnosed.  I also had these fears myself - I thought suddenly I would be obliged to disclose my autism to everyone and that people would think badly of me.  It may help to remember the following:

1 - you don't have to go down the route of formal diagnosis if you don't want to.  There are many people who choose to self-identify as autistic and find this just as helpful as a formal diagnosis.

2 - if you are autistic, you have always been autistic i.e. you are the same person you have always been with the same problems and the same gifts (being autistic is by no means all negative!).  Being diagnosed or self-identifying as autistic just gives you a new way of understanding yourself and your life experiences.

3 - you are under no obligation to tell anyone.  You don't even have to tell your kids if you don't want to (although I doubt they would reject you or love you any less because of it)- you don't mention their ages but if they are quite small now you might choose to wait until they are of an age where you feel they would understand.  You say you've had some problems with jobs - autism is classed as a disability and if diagnosed you could disclose this to employers to get extra support - again, this doesn't meant that all your colleagues would have to know, it could be kept between you and those who need to know such as your line manager.  I have chosen to tell only people I know well and trust and this has worked well for me.   The only negative response I had was from my dad who found it difficult to accept - this didn't spoil our relationship though, it was just something we had a few rows over.  It took a while but he has recently found out more about autism and he told me a few months ago that he fully accepts my diagnosis.

Of course not everyone finds being diagnosed a positive thing but in my case knowing that I am autistic has improved my life a great deal - so many of the difficulties I have and negative things that happened in the past now make sense and I am much more confident.  I have also been able to learn techniques and coping strategies to overcome some of the impairments I have.  

I hope that his helps you aspermum and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Hi there aspermum.  I'm a newcomer to the forum too.  Your story has similarities to mine so I hope I can contribute something of use here.

I was diagnosed a few years ago when I was aged 33.  Like you I had always felt "different" since early childhood.  I did well in school but I now know that I ticked all the boxes for characteristics of autism.  After suffering severe depression as a teenager I was a serial underachiever and went to various types of therapists over the years.  In the end it was a clinical psychologist who recognised that I was possibly autistic and in that way I came to be diagnosed.

You say that you wonder how you got to be 43 and not diagnosed.  Actually this is not an unusual thing - there are many people who find out in their 30s 40s or beyond that they are autistic. I guess this is just due to lack of awareness at the time when we were kids and sadly today many professionals still don't know enough about autism either.

Re. your concerns about what people would think, if you were to be diagnosed.  I also had these fears myself - I thought suddenly I would be obliged to disclose my autism to everyone and that people would think badly of me.  It may help to remember the following:

1 - you don't have to go down the route of formal diagnosis if you don't want to.  There are many people who choose to self-identify as autistic and find this just as helpful as a formal diagnosis.

2 - if you are autistic, you have always been autistic i.e. you are the same person you have always been with the same problems and the same gifts (being autistic is by no means all negative!).  Being diagnosed or self-identifying as autistic just gives you a new way of understanding yourself and your life experiences.

3 - you are under no obligation to tell anyone.  You don't even have to tell your kids if you don't want to (although I doubt they would reject you or love you any less because of it)- you don't mention their ages but if they are quite small now you might choose to wait until they are of an age where you feel they would understand.  You say you've had some problems with jobs - autism is classed as a disability and if diagnosed you could disclose this to employers to get extra support - again, this doesn't meant that all your colleagues would have to know, it could be kept between you and those who need to know such as your line manager.  I have chosen to tell only people I know well and trust and this has worked well for me.   The only negative response I had was from my dad who found it difficult to accept - this didn't spoil our relationship though, it was just something we had a few rows over.  It took a while but he has recently found out more about autism and he told me a few months ago that he fully accepts my diagnosis.

Of course not everyone finds being diagnosed a positive thing but in my case knowing that I am autistic has improved my life a great deal - so many of the difficulties I have and negative things that happened in the past now make sense and I am much more confident.  I have also been able to learn techniques and coping strategies to overcome some of the impairments I have.  

I hope that his helps you aspermum and I wish you the best of luck with whatever you decide to do.