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43 and think I'm on the spectrum

aspermum

Hi all. First post here.

I'm 43, single mum, have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder since I was 37. In the past six years I've tried every mood stabiliser under the sun but none of them have worked.

I have arrived here (on this site) following yet another of my explosive rages. I have had these for my entire life. The good thing is, these rages only last for a matter of minutes. The bad thing is that afterwards I feel deep shame and remorse. They leave me feeling wretched. I just lose all control. I googled my symptoms and this led to me reading about autistic meltdowns. It's only now, for the first time in my life, that I've realised what I've been having all my life are meltdowns. 

I followed the links given on another page on this site and did the AQ and EQ tests. I scored 45 in the AQ test and 12 in the EQ test. From what I can gather - and I'm still in the process of sifting through all the information I've found - this could mean I am on the spectrum. Just writing this makes me feel sick. I feel like I'm in shock. I have two kids and find parenting very difficult as it is (though they are both amazing and funny and I love them to bits) - how can I tell them? What if they are on the spectrum too?

Thanks for reading.

Parents

  • Thanks for commenting, Pheon. Neurotribes sounds really interesting (if harrowing).

    I have been on Lithium but it had no effect on my moods. I have also tried other mood stabilisers over the past six years but am currently on none at all because none of them had the desired effect.

    What you say about Prozac making you aggressive is interesting. I have been on Prozac for about seven years now. It's hard to remember what I was like before it, but I'm too afraid to come off it at the moment.

    It seems (from what little research I've done) that a diagnosis of bipolar or other mental health problems such as OCD/depression/anxiety often precede or accompany a diagnosis of autism. I suppose it stands to reason. But it's worrying that really strong medications are being prescribed for something which can't be "fixed" with medication.

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  • Thanks for commenting, Pheon. Neurotribes sounds really interesting (if harrowing).

    I have been on Lithium but it had no effect on my moods. I have also tried other mood stabilisers over the past six years but am currently on none at all because none of them had the desired effect.

    What you say about Prozac making you aggressive is interesting. I have been on Prozac for about seven years now. It's hard to remember what I was like before it, but I'm too afraid to come off it at the moment.

    It seems (from what little research I've done) that a diagnosis of bipolar or other mental health problems such as OCD/depression/anxiety often precede or accompany a diagnosis of autism. I suppose it stands to reason. But it's worrying that really strong medications are being prescribed for something which can't be "fixed" with medication.

Children
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