Not sure where to start?

Hello andyjay

Just wanted to remind everyone that we don't allow users to share personal contact details here. It's a community rule set up to protect everyone, I hope you'll understand.

Sorry for butting in and please do continue chatting here

Sandra - mod

Ta all.

24 hours later and bless him, he tried so hard today to be a good boy and was rewarded with a sticker (big thing in his class) for being good. He even went to beavers tonight for the 1st time and was stressed when they were shouting but enjoyed the rest of it. He had trouble listening and wanted evertone to play the game he invented in his own head rather than the game everyone else was. He then was a saint when he got home. It's days like this that make me cry because he such a gentle soul. 

Sanders, hang in there. :-) 

Andrea, thank you, i'll have a look for the faceache group right now.

Hi Sanders,

Please don't beat yourself up about this. You are not a 'crappy mother' you have done the best to get help for your son and have been failed by what seems to be a really poor system.

You know your son better than anyone and if you think he is on the spectrum then I would say he is.

I spent years blaming myself for my daughters behaviours, other people telling me I needed to be firmer with her, I have an older daughter who had never displayed any unusual behaviour and I constantly questioned myself had I spoilt her?, do I let her get away with too much? etc etc.

The problem was the stricter I got, the worse her behaviour seemed to get, nothing ever worked, no amount of sanctions, reward charts nothing.

I finally sought help last year when she turned 11 and my GP told me she was displaying classic Asperger symptoms, I'd not tried to get help earlier because I thought she'd grow out of some of her behaviours and that maybe it was down to poor parenting!!

I know different now and you really need to not blame yourself. Keep pushing for the help you need.

Take care

Andrea

Hi Tezzah , 

    We as a family have been concerned about the behaviour of our 5 year old son for a few years now ..I had to give up work 2 years ago as he just couldnt cope with his child care and since then things have slowly got worse . This time last year after my son set fire to a rug at the age of 4 I called in the health visitor as I was concerned he seemed to be very highper active climbing all over the place running away and then finally he violently kicked a stranger who got too close to his personal space . The hv came to visit and advised us that she would refer him to the community paed . She came along and was in our house for 4 hours going through his background and behaviours ..at the end she told me that as well as ADHD she felt that he also was ASD .Since then he has been assessed in school by the speach therapist who feels at this time there is not enough evidence but he has problems with expressive communication ..Meanwhile his teacher as he is now in p1 feels that he needs a lot of extra help as he is not learning as he should and is not coping with being in a group environment ????? ( would have thought this would be evidence enough ) ..Any way after another incident at home where he stabbed my other son in the back with a pencil i took him to my local gp who took one look at him and the way he was behaving a nd referred him to CAMHS ...I feel a complete failure and a crappy mum too ..

sorry for writting a full book lol but thought i would let u know that u r not alone and although my son has not been fully diagnosed i am pretty convinced that he is somewhere on the spectrum ..   

Hi Tezzah,

Just want to say hang in there, my daughters behaviour has been shocking at times, she missis lot's of school and can be violent and abusive, but when she's having a good day she's a joy. I know how hard it is, I've been at my wits end on numerous occasions.

I've nagged and nagged and nagged to get an assessment for my daughter, no one was taking any notice and I eventually went to see my MP as I was at the end of my teather and didn't know where else to turn. Within the space of a couple of weeks I had been given appointments for neuro development tests and the child psychologist!!

She's had her first test this morning and her other appointments are next week!! (amazing what can be sorted out when the pressure is on eh?)

I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to scream, shout and stamp your feet to get anywhere with these services, I really hate to say this but it's true.

Please remember, you are not alone, forums like this have kept me sane over the last 12 months and given me some hope for the future. I'm happy to give you my e mail or facebook address if you'd like to chat, there's a great Aspergers forum on facebook also.

Take care and I hope things get moving for you soon.

Andrea

Hi all.

I've not been on for a while as we wanted to see how things are progressing and sadly things are getting worse. He has been seen by his GP and somebody from the mental health team and they agree that he displays traits of ASD. His behavour has really deteriorated though, it's appalling at times and now he is dispruptive in school and having to go to other classes to keep him occupied. He was sobbing in class today because he 'hates' school. He is saying he wants to kill himself (not sure of he actually realises that he would be dead and not just reset a button like a game and start again) and he's only 6. We are at our wits end, the educational Pyschologist is being slow to respond, tomorrow i will make it my mission to track her down. We're really in a bad way and not coping well with this. 

Hi, my daughter is 11 and it's taken me until this year to try and get some help with her behaviour. She's always had obsessions with clothing and interests and always had temper meltdowns at home. She's never slept the night through and until recently was acording to her primary school a model pupil.

She's always been highly accademic, a very high achiever which is why I feel that school never recognised any of her odd behaviours. Just like you I felt like a crap parent thinking that her issues with clothing, temper and poor sleep routine were my fault, just bad parenting and I tried every method I could to try and alter these things. Because school always said she was great, it had to be my fault.

She started comprehensive school in September and has deteriorated rapidly, her comp have been brilliant and have recognised her issues straight away. I took her to my GP earlier this year and he told me she was displaying classic Asperger traits, I started to read up about Aspergers and it was like a light coming on for me! I'm not a crap mum at all, I just need to do things a little differently.

You are not a crap dad, just the fact that you describe your sons behaviour as not naughty lets me know that you're a loving parent. It's fantastic that school have recognised these behaviours in your son, so take the support. I've found out since my girl left primary that she did display some different behaviours at school, but these have been ignored due to her accademic ability.

My girl is loving, bright, bubbly and can be an absolute joy. She may have Aspergers (undiagnosed as yet) but she's still an interesting and increadible individual. All a diagnosis would mean for us is that we do things a little differently, it's also helping my daughter to understand herself better as it causes her real frustration not knowing why she can't just put clothes on and leave the house like her sister can.

I really do wish you well and please don't be disheartened because your son may be on the autistic spectrum, it also has it's advantages (my 11 year old helps her 14 year old sister understand and complete her maths homework lol)

Take care

Andrea

Hi all, thanks for the replies. 

We have everything underway, we went to our GP who was fab and we have him booked in for the middle of January so fingers crossed.

His behaviour is odd, for example today, it's the school nativity and generally this feels him with dread, he will not get involved.

He wasn't naughty and is regarded by his school as totally not naughty, in fact they say the opposite, he is caring and helpful and never actually naughty. One of his problems is that (as seen today) he can't or won't sit still during the show, he has to be doing something, even if this is just throwing his hat in the air and catching it) despite the show not being that long (under an hour). When on the stage when it's his classes turn to go on he will just make faces and hop from foot to foot, nothing OTT but enough to stand out.

We also find that sometimes he makes silly noises up when adults are talking, you know the blah blah sort just so there is a niise. Often we have have to tell him that we love him and he is super important to us but we need to talk too, that generally works. 

We have now discovered that he doesn't like certain colours, text or numbers, for example he doesn't like red text, or the numbers 6 or 9 as they look angry. He will just refuse to read and gets stressed if asked to read text of a certain colour so the school have already adapted that for him.

His ready is excellent, he is doing pretty well in school and hitting targets however he is in a world of his own most of the time. My wife is taking this worse than me and now only remembers the few nasty comments she got a day nursery which we pulled our boy from (financial reasons - not related to anything here).

I'm not actually convinced he has ASD, i think he has some behavioural issues (not naughty ones, more concentrating and fitting in with others) however i am happy to be corrected and learn from this.

Hi Tezzah - I have the opposite.  My son behaves mostly normally at school but displays autistic traits at home.  He is 10.  He has been challenging since he was born.  I described his behaviour to the GP this morning and he has been referred for further assessment.  She mentioned autism as a possiblity.  I have spent the last 10 years feeling like a totally crap parent.   

When you say he is not naughty but challenging, what is his challenging behaviour?  My son's relates to food, routine, obsessions, tantrums and sleeping patterns.  People have different ideas of what is "naughty" for example, I might say that my son's refusal to have sauce on his pasta is just being naughty but he would disagree and say that he feels funny if he has to put the sauce in his mouth.

Hello Tezza

The feelings you are having are totally normal and you are certainly not a "crap Dad"! 

Going to see your GP is a great start.  You need to ask for a referral for an assessment.  Unfortunately in some cases this is not quick and you need to be firm and stick at it.  Don't be fobbed off by people and stick you ground.  

I have posted a link below to the NAS section dealing with diagnosis.  Please let us know how you get on

Hi there. Thank you. We will try and get a GP appointment tomorrow for him and see how it goes. Fingers crossed.