Published on 12, July, 2020
40, diagnosed at 37, dead end job, verbally abusive living situation, no help from the NHS and the government in terms of therapy for my diagnosis. No help from the council in terms of housing, the only thing keeping me going is my faith, For all intensive purposes I gave up on life 20 years ago. And yeah I have had some amazing experiences like travelling to America by myself, my weekly karaoke sessions, which have often been me on my own, and I get sick of going out on my own.
I had my ray ban sunglasses stolen on Thursday, its not about the sunglasses. I am careless, but it knocks you big time. And I was already feeling depressed as hell. I know I am not alone but I feel like I am the only person experiencing this.
People have said lets meet for a drink or message me or whatever, but they havn't the first idea about autism and neurodivergences, let alone mental health. I can't keep doing this. When will it end.
I am on the waiting list for counselling again, but its not targeted. The NHS only offer meds, to numb you so you don't become a problem to them anymore. I only work part time and would love to go on holiday again, for longer, but yeah, 2 days in Bournemouth is probably the most I will have this year. I don't really earn enough to save. Thankfully I don't have to pay rent, I countribute to household expenses when I can.
I don't even find pleasure in the things I enjoyed anymore, rarely. Honestly, so tired. Yet so thankful. I know things could be a lot worse but I don't feel too guilty for feeling like this
Unfortunately I can't do much about my living situation or my job atm. Everything I have done is just leading to further burnout. These are areas I need support in. Unfortunately being in work I am not eligible for support from anyone to help me find another job (or even try to figure things out) My living situation, well the council don't see me a priority for housing, and I don't want to end up in a hostel or living with other people.
can you share some of your work in the creative space thread. I would love to see. I understand how ..pedestrian my own efforts feel to me but other find extra ordinary. Do you play drums on your own to records, or internet music, with other people? I like to do that with pots and pans and wooden spoons.
School was bad for me as well. They put me in the group that had slow students, and the new foreign students that came from other countries. I wasn't diagnosed with anything either. And my brother was the school bully, so school and home were both a miserable existence.
But the things I didn't learn in school, plus the things I didn't learn from home, I learn now as an adult. There's many resources online about many subjects and topics, like try to find OERs (Online Educational Resources), videos, tutorials, and apps. Don't get so discouraged about not learning everything from school. I've always tried to find learning materials on my own wherever I can, and teaching myself things. That's basically all I do on my spare time, just learning random things I'm interested in. I've even got certified for one of the subjects I was self-studying. I had to get at least 90% on the final exam in order to get certified, and I did.
My table is notoriously messy and filled with learning materials, notebooks, markers. Right now, there's like different types of rubiks cubes and other puzzles, sewing needles and thread, prime number charts, music theory notes, books, jars of raw honey (because I was looking at the hexogonal shapes of bee hives). I have an electric guitar sitting on the couch that I've been practicing. And there's a lot more things I have that I had to put away because they don't all fit on my table!
Your environment and the people around you are important to your overall mental health and well-being. I mean, even having one person yelling and screaming at you will ruin your mood, and potentially soil the rest of the day for you. So be careful about who you choose to be around. Since you are a musician, you need people who "resonate" and "harmonize" with you, not people who cause "dissonance" with you. Who wants to listen to dissonant sounds all day? It'll drive anyone crazy. So I hope you build your life in a way that works well for you.
I work in hospitality as well and it’s horrible for me sometimes. Especially at weekends they cut our staff we get some of the rudest customers come in. How I ever wanted to get back into retail I don’t know. I’m be been applying for supermarket jobs the last 2 years have had 2 interviews for supermarket jobs with no success. I feel stacking shelves, I would have more space, rather than being cramped into a small area
Just finding support to move me forward is a challenge. I can’t help but think if I discovered some of these things at school I might have had a focus. School was horrible. And just lumping me in the special needs section with no formal diagnosis of anything, didn’t help either
I am glad that your faith keeps you going. Yes, it's terrible to be in a situation where you feel stuck in life, that you hear verbal abuse at home, that mental health professionals are more willing to give you drugs, than to give you some much needed therapy.
I think that you not only need a creative passion, but for that creative passion to be recognized and appreciated by those around you. You do karaoke, you play drums, and you do photography, and that's all amazing stuff. Some people would love to play the drums, and you are living their dreams in a way by being able to play it, even though it might not seem like you are. You can also sing and do photography, which is something that not everyone can do either, and it's wonderful stuff.
I really think that the verbal abuse from home is not helpful at all, especially not on your mental health. I've experienced a lot of physical and verbal abuse growing up, and it's not until I left that situation of people who kept berating and devaluing me, is when I stopped feeling depressed and stuck with no hope for the future, to actually improving my mental health, and living life the best way I can manage. I really hope your life starts moving forward as well.
I like wrestling, (watching) I love to do karaoke. I play drums but its never really gone anywhere, I supposedly have a gift as a photographer
Please share some of those with us, then?
Not so much. I have interests but not special interests
You are here in a safe place to share. Have you got a special interest you can share with us? This floats my boat(s).