Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Sometimes we just have to let go, and surrender to our given faith.

I might give their helpline a go next week though, just to make sure I ain't missing out

I spoke to them, they said they can offer workplace support. That doesn't work for me. In a small shop for a big company with too many people listening. Talking to management about my issues didn't help, HR didn't help, occupational health assessment meant nothing. Basically I was written off applying for this. But if it was available in that case, that would be great

I think your post maybe from before my time, but it is good to see people check back in to say how it is going. I've applied for an "access to work" grant because I need autistic friendly coaching. They said that I'd hear back within... ... wait for it... 26 weeks! And that will just be for some assessment or other! Still, at least the ball is rolling.

I found something with Scope, which might be able to help me find work. But the appointment has been rescheduled, and it was on teams, I deal better face to face.

I attended a men's group on Tuesday with the provider I am on the waiting list with for counselling, and it was good, as many of us had father issues and could relate to each other.

I am also in touch with a wellness space, who might be able to guide me emotionally to a better place, but I have done this type of thing before before and honestly I don't want to waste anyone's time, it's the same with the counselling. As I have to pay I am not sure how effective it will be given my past experience.

I hope some kind of life coaching becomes available which is funded, someone who deals with autistic/possibly ADHD in which I have an assessment next week, (annoying it is at 9 am and I have to travel, so I have to wake up 4am for work on Monday and ill be shattered) but maybe a diagnosis (or not) will help bring some clarity.

Nothing has changed for me. I am just sinking further and further into depression. I am developing bad relationships with things which are not healthy, and even though I know I can stop or cut down, my life is just so open and empty. So much of the last 2 or so years of my life have been filled sitting in a pub garden with a beer, whisky and cigar. It is something I have found enjoyment in. But as I got older my body isn't liking any of this stuff anymore.

The only way I can fill these voids is to find other things to do with my time. Which means I have to put more effort into changing my life, which I just don't have the strength to do anymore.

I wish I had a social worker I could talk to to see if there is anything practically they could help with or even signpost, but its been useless. Every organization I have been signposted to are not able to help, because getting to the point of what I actually need help with is challenging.

Its simple enough for me. I need to get out of my living situation. I work part time, and working more hours here is not an option, for many reasons. I am already struggling part time here having to keep a brave face on for mystery shopper and staff/customers.

I need help to find out what kind of job would be more suitable, maybe figure out a way to try and make something out of my creative stuff (which I did bring up, but for some reason it doesn't seem to have reached anybody'

I am just so tired of talking about it. I recently got signposted to the listening place, which was useless because they don't or can't offer me what I need. They signposted me to a website which was dead.

Over the weekend I went to a party, I only wanted to have a double whisky or 2, but someone decided to fill my glass up. I said to myself well I am not going to drink it all, just drink slowly. I woke up a few hours later on my friends bed. And safe to say I didn't feel to good. I hate feeling I wish I never woke up. But honestly, sometimes I don't care anymore.

I am still on the waiting list for counselling, but again, more talking. And listening. Doesn't go anywhere for me. With the council and GP its always I pour out, and get asked 'so how can we help you' or 'so how do you think we can help you'. Being an adult it almost seems like I am not a priority anymore. SO many services for younger people, if I was diagnosed 18-25 maybe I would have some clue of what I want to do with my life.

I have 19 days holiday left, and no money to do anything. I would love to go back to the states again next year, but yeah, I know my would be better used elsewhere, but where that is. I am not really interested in going anywhere else, especially on my own. Like if somebody asked me to come to Spain with them, yeah why not! But all my friends are married with kids, so its not like I have anyone to go anywhere with.

And today is just miserable outside. At least if it was sunny I would feel a bit more perky. 

Unfortunately you have to be flexible with counselling. I had help filling my PIP forms before and it didn’t help. It’s a waste of time. I’ll never get it. Even the terminally ill get refused, so I have no chance.

its a shame I don’t seem to be eligible for anything. I’ve lived in my borough 40 years and still not a priority in terms of housing, the council keep writing me off any time I reach out to them for help

I'm sorry your unable to get pip so far. Keep trying. Your get there eventually.. my older sister got pip because she's got MS and it took seven times before they eventually allowed her to have it, by which point she was wheelchair bound. I'm not sure if your able to but my mum and dad enlisted a professional who helped her fill out the pip form and then she got it, so if you're able to you might be able to do the same. 

Apparently I am not eligible for a social worker. I had someone before but it wasn't the same, and she was useless because the council wouldn't do anything to help me. Other than offer me a needs assessment, And the point of that would be? I can walk, I can talk, I can wipe, I can dress, I can cook, so of course, I am not eligible. Not even for PIP. Because I have applied and been denied that 3 times. I have problems with my spine and still, 0 points on everything. Every time.

Counselling would depend on work shifts. I don't really have the strength to have another conversation with my manager regarding time, He follows the company. As far as I am concerned, I am dispensable. But I am the yes man, and not even a occupational health assessment was enough to establish my need in that situation.

None of my friends understand. After 20 years feeling like this (never as bad as now) yeah I am ready for brighter days. If the government are willing to get their finger out and do more to help neurodivergents/mental health patients

Hey GD hope you're feeling better today! 

It always seems to be the customers fault 

There is nothing like buying a nice pair of sunglasses at one point I had an addiction and spent a lot of money. Now I am happy to have one nice pair, it’s just not the same having something cheaper. I always try to buy discontinued or outlet/discount

It’s not fun at all. And it comes in peaks and troughs. These feelings can and often do pass at least until the next time.

for me I’ve never felt this bad about myself and everything, honestly I don’t feel like there is anything I can do right now to change how I feel.

And nobody is around, even if someone was they don’t truly understand the nature of neurodivergence and depression, let alone how I am feeling right now.

Reaching out to Samaritans, it’s not really worth my time. Because I’m not likely to do anything stupid, and they cut me off after a while as I seem to just be silently awkward a lot of the time, like what is the point.

I’m sorry. It’s so hard to maintain a ‘face’ of normality on the outside when things are so difficult on the inside. Sometimes it’s hard to see a way out of all the problems, and to maintain any hope. When I feel like this I try to think of anything I might get  just a LITTLE enjoyment from (in my case it’s usually going for a walk in nature) and try to do that just to get a little glimmer of something positive and enjoyable back into my mind. And I just hope that things will ease soon, and try to remember that I’ve felt like this before and things have eventually improved a little. The problem with depression is that it can feel so overwhelming and it’s hard to find ways to give you that belief that your sense of happiness and joy can ever return. In my experience these things never last forever - even though feel like they will at the time. 
im sorry - I’m not being much use probably because I’m feeling very depressed myself at the moment! It’s not any fun is it? I hope things improve for you soon.

Its like no matter what I do I can't seem to do anything right. I had a regular customer the other day at work come up to me and say I look tired. He came up to me a few weeks earlier and said something didn't look right with me. I feel like going up to him the next time I see him and telling him I have mental health issues, and my mum isn't well either. Dealing with my Dad, at home, shouting, at work, shouting. Having to put on a happy face for the mystery shopper, no support from anyone. I feel so hopeless

Fortunately they were found. Unfortunately the bar has made it clear they don't want me to go back there again, based on the email I sent them. I had issues with some of their staff before, which they had also referred to. Apparently I was rude, which wasn't intentional, I felt that about how they was to me, at least one of their staff. Apparently I was drinking and should have been more careful. If that was the purpose of going out what business would it be of his anyway Honestly I find myself just wanting to get hit by a car or something. They said I could go back to collect them but how could I demoralize myself by doing that. Feels like a walk of shame

Hi GD, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I know what you mean. I’m struggling at the moment too - I feel so tired and hopeless at the moment. You’re right though - it could be a lot worse certainly, and it can help to focus on the positives as much as you possibly can. I’m sorry you lost your Raybans - how annoying! They are not cheap after all. Having said that some much cheaper sunglasses can look really cool too - you might find something good to replace them maybe? It can be nice to throw yourself into researching a good alternative. 
The NHS are not great when it comes to mental health - you’re quite right about that. I did once have a good therapist through the NHS though - so it can be good sometimes! So don’t lose hope of that because it can happen. She really helped me and was so nice. 
In terms of how you feel now - as George Harrison sang: “All things must pass” - and hopefully things will improve for you soon. I’m hoping for that too - I’m having a really low at the moment. I’ve got no energy or motivation and I feel so useless. Struggling to muster up any optimism for the future, and feeling such dreadful fear and anxiety. But the nature of life is impermanence - and none of these things can last forever. Good luck.

Sad reality, for most of us.

I just want to focus on myself.

hmm. what exactly happened?

I did and for some reason it wasn't appoved