Do I get a choice?

Hi cat, my daughter 8 is autistic and has been diagnosed for 2 years , her school fought us because we wanted to get her diagnosed! Anyway we went through all the observation and meetings any finally she was diagnosed It was hard so I can understand you being apprehensive .

if you don't feel he has ASD I would go to your doctor and explain the problem and they might be able to get you advice from a professional that's out with the school, I did this with my daughter and it really helped as sometimes you can feel railroaded by schools, I say question everything -I did! They don't always know what's right . Hope this helps:)

Cat, 

Form what you say about your son, he is not sounding like it is obvious that he has ASD, although as he is only 6 things could change over time.

It is probably worth going ahead with assessment, if only to stop school keep suggesting ASD, but also because it will hopefully clear up whether he has ADHD. I should think that if a paediatrician/clinical psychologist/speech and language therapist with experience with ASD saw him they would quickly be able to say if it does not look like ASD. 

It does seem odd that school are pushing for this. Really, they shouldn't need a diagnosis and should be able to assess his needs and provide appropriate support without a diagnosis. If it is ASD then a diagnosis would help them get support from people with expertise in autism, but if it's not ASD then that wouldn't be relevant anyway!

I will look at your points one by one:

''He does do pretend play...''. It is possible to have Aspergers and to engage in pretend play, but the quality of the play can be different to that of neurotypical children, and this can be very subtle. I have Aspergers, and certainly engaged in pretend play as a young child - I was actually quite imaginative and inventive. I had a collection of dolls and stuffed toys, and I would make them talk and move them across the floor, etc; I played 'teddy bear tea-party' with my younger brother; shopping, with a toy basket and toy food, and there are many more examples. However, I usually played on my own or with my younger brother, although I also sometimes played with some younger children, and a girl in my class who I was periodically friends with; but I found it very difficult to play well with groups of children. So don't rule out AS just because he appears imaginative.

You mention empathy: it is a myth that empathy is always completely lacking in AS. I strugged with empathy as a child (I still do), but I was very caring and protective towards my brother when I was very young.

Sleeping: Sleep problems are common in both AS and ADHD, but are not required for a diagnosis. I slept pretty well when I was a child, and it was only later that I started to struggle with sleep.

Sensory sensitivities are not essential for diagnosis, although most people with AS will experience them at some point; they can also be very subtle. I had no problems with food or textures as a child, but have always had periodic issues with noise. My noise sensitivities have in fact got worse with time, and they are worse when I am stressed.

Not all people with AS are disturbed by routine changes, but this is very common. I have always struggled to some extent with this.  Another manifestation of so called rigid behaviour is inflexible and narrow obsessions/interests, but obsessions are not always obvious at 6 years old.

Therefore, he may have AS, but from what you write, it sounds more like ADHD. He may even be diagnosed with ADHD plus autistic traits. The autistic traits, however, might become more noticeable when he matures.

It is wise to get him assessed, in my opinion.

I can not move him as the schools situation in my city is horrid and to get into the school he is in we had to wait for the whole of reception year to get a place as I refused to send him to the school we were given so I home schooled him through out reception.

As I said above, you are in control.  Don't agree to anything you feel is inappropriate.  I agree with you he doesn't sound very ASC.  ADHD or ADD is genetically related to ASC and there might be slight overlap of some traits and they are deliberately focusing on where he does have traits and ignoring where he doesn't for their own agenda.  If the school isn't right for him, you could consider moving him.

Hiya,

Yeah he does do pretend play and at home when he plays on his own he plays with great imagination. His friends are quite similar to him in that they like doctor who, avangers and all those sort of things so that is the sort of thing they play but in the school playground before school he plays with 2 girls and they all have input into what they are playing not just him directing the play.

He does his best to help one of his friends who really struggles with reading, helping him to sound out the words and doesn't get cross with him if he gets it wrong. When we walk to school there is an old guy we see most morings and after the first few weeks he asked me if he could make the man happy by saying good morning to him. So both these show he does think about and understand how others are feeling.

His sleep is a weird one, sometimes he will go to sleep straight away sometimes he wont, if he doesn't go to sleep straight away he will stay up and read and it can take me a good 2 or 3hrs to get him to stop and go to sleep! Once asleep he will stay asleep but does tend to get up around 6am no matter what time he goes to sleep.

He doesn't get homework but if he doesn't do is work in class it sometimes gets sent home and at home he will sit and do his work in just 10-15mins. He is not at all fussy with food or textures or clothes or have any sensitivities. He has no issues with home routine being changed in any way even if it is last min changes that he has no control over do not bother him in the slightest. He will talk to new people that come into the house, yes he gets on with adults better than he does children but until he started school I knew almost no-one with children so he has a lot more interaction with adults over the first 5yrs of his life.

As far as I can tell the school only seem to think that it is ASD rather than ADHD because they will get more funding if it is ASD. They say he doesn't have the ticks that are usually seen in ADHD yet he fiddles constantly and can not sit on the floor and he can't sit still like the other kids.

I am just all rather confused about it all and what to do.

Thanks

Your school cannot force you to get your son assessed against your will.  You have legal responsibility for all decisions concerning him (including where he is educated).  Don't agree to anything you are unhappy with - the school are thinking of themselves because he is disrupting lessons.

ADHD is often co-morbid with ASC so he could have both, ASC does not mean a child will not enjoy hugs (that's a myth).  Hyperlexia (reading before the usual age) is not uncommon in ASC.

Think of it like this, what is best for your son.  The right diagnosis will give him the right supports and access to the right environment.  Later in life it's up to him who he reveals his diagnosis to or whether he does or not, but it will entitle him to reasonable adjustments in college/university and the workplace if he requires them.

Remember that in an assessment, you will be asked for a lot of information about him and his history from birth upwards, so that will be the time to give the information that will help them decide whether (and what) to diagnose or not.  As a child's assessment is multi-disciplinary, the EP opinion is only part of it and it wouldn't surprise me if the school tried to influence what s/he puts because it benefits them.  Other professionals will be involved, such as speech and language and if your son does not show features of ASC then this will all come out.

You are in control however, the school can't diagnose him and cannot push you to get him diagnosed.  However, if your son becomes too disruptive they may make it very difficult for him to remain in their school and may even exclude him.

Hi Cat

This is a difficult one. I believe you do have a choice though.

Most situations I know of are where parents are trying to get a diagnosis but school say there is no problem, so it's interesting that you have it the other way round.

My son was not diagnosed until 12 yrs old, no teachers mentioned any suspicions of ASD at primary school, I would sometimes look at the basics of ASD and then shake my head because I couldn't tick all of the boxes with my son so it didn't make sense. However now that he is diagnosed and I know more about ASD, when I look back over time, it was glaringly obvious he had ASD and I really think the teachers should have noticed!

It is often the case that teachers don't really understand ASD, so maybe they have got it wrong and it's ADHD In your son's case. It is probably worth going down the diagnosis route though, if your son does not meet criteria for ASD then I am sure they would also look at ADHD. In theory, it shouldn't involve too many intrusive appointments for you son. You will only get an ASD diagnosis if your son really does have ASD, it is not that easy to get a diagnosis.

if your son is diagnosed with ASD then it will help you to understand the way he thinks and why he might act in certain ways etc. and it will also help school to support him effectively. Your son is only 6 at the moment, so it may not seem that ASD (if he has it) is  having too much of an effect on him, but over time things can change, particularly with regards to social interaction, anxiety etc.

You say your son has friends, does he interact in exactly the same way as other 6 year olds, joining in with pretend play etc. or does he tend to mostly play things he likes and talk about things that he likes? How is his sleeping, does he fall asleep and stay asleep quite normally? I don't know whether he gets homework yet, but if he does, does he seem happy to do it at home? Does he have any sensitivities - e.g. Fussy with food, or fussy about clothes and their textures?

Are school able to say what specific behaviour they think points towards ASD, rather than ADHD?