Burnout - recovery advice please

Hi so sorry about your issues last year around July I had a mini breakdown and my anxiety was off the scale I was even nervous to go out for a coffee and read my book.My GP got me on medication but most importantly  therapy.I still feel exhausted and do a lot of daytime sleeping but my anxiety is stable at least.Just get yourself as much help as you can and be gentle on your self

What an incredibly powerful video! Thank you.

Definitely think there's something in that theory about it being a cycle and it changing us each time. Sometimes I learn from what caused it and thats a positive change as I can avoid it happening again for the same reason, other times I've felt like I'm a bit numb or more negative after. Especially the last big one that I had last year which I'm still only really just feeling ok after now.

Hi Birdie,

Thanks for posting this. I'm a relative newcomer to this space too and I find that posting and reading other posts is very helpful. I often take great comfort in reading how others suffer similarly to me, and I also often find that articles are quite instructive, such as yours.

I'm starting to realise that my own history is probably similar to yours: I've had periods of great difficulty which I am now beginning to realise were probably spells of burnout. I would agree with what others have said in that the more burnouts one suffers, the more difficult it seems to be to recover from the next one. I don't think the degree of burnout matters. I think it's just the repetition: each time a burnout occurs we lose a bit of something somewhere, and it takes longer to recover. I think each of us gets to a point in this cycle where we start to not fully recover - we end up with lasting conditions or ailments that either never go away or won't go away until we do something drastic and completely stop the cycle. As we get older, we eventually run out of "coping ability" and until we stop hurting ourselves, we leave lasting problems.

Luckily for me, I have a plan for early retirement and I'm getting close to the target date. I am already starting to plan for reducing my working days and I hope that this will give me the space to stop the cycle. Retirement will of course stop it. But can I make it? I'm also starting to realise that even though it's only a couple of years away, I might need to act more drastically before that wonderful day when I hang up my keyboard.

Hello Birdie and everyone else in this conversation. I hope you're all well.

I've just encountered this conversation and am finding it very helpful, being in a state of burnout myself at the age of 57 and having only realised recently that I'm autistic.

I wondered how things are going for you now.

out_of_step said:

You can't drive at maximum speed in the outside lane all your life - it damages the car and you run out of fuel or crash. The question on whether the car can be repaired enough to drive like that again - I don't know. But for now I'm happy I've got off the hard shoulder and am staying  on the inside lane for a bit!

I love this! 

I think I need to park up in a lay by for a while! 

I think a bit of both but everyone's different. it might depend how much you masked before etc. My burnout is/was mixed in with a chronic health condition which was triggered during the pandemic so I don't know where one starts and the other begins. But on reflection it was definitely there before the pandemic, I didn't know it was burnout. It's taken a lot of work to decipher.

You can't drive at maximum speed in the outside lane all your life - it damages the car and you run out of fuel or crash. The question on whether the car can be repaired enough to drive like that again - I don't know. But for now I'm happy I've got off the hard shoulder and am staying  on the inside lane for a bit!

Birdie I've heard this too before about hormones etc.

This is very much along the lines of what I’ve been hearing from the autistic community, Crow Lady. With the knowledge that I have (and much more to learn) I feel like I really need to prioritise my health at this point as this burnout feels much more entrenched and debilitating than previous ones.

I’m currently in perimenopause and have heard from many women that they no longer had the capacity to mask when they hit perimenopause and estrogen levels dropped. I’ve heard several times about a hormonal connection with estrogen and the expression of autistic & ADHD traits. I need to look into this more to fully understand it. I agree, masking is exhausting and depletes our energy that could be better directed elsewhere. I also agree that good things do come out of tough experiences if we pay attention to the lessons that they bring us. I need to start listening more carefully to what my body is telling me that it needs.

Thank you so much again for the useful information, support and validation. It really helps to know that I’m not alone. Even though I wouldn’t wish burnout on anyone! Thank you Crow Lady

This a good question! 

This worries me. I’ve been in a chronic state of burnout since the end of 2020, precipitated by a series of adverse life events.

But I managed a 20+ year career before that. Not saying it was easy but I managed it.

Now I’m considering asking for a 4 day week and if that doesn’t work a 3 or 6 month sabbatical.

Do you think our ability to deal with this lessens with age, or is it more a case of being it being cause by life events and then it’s difficult to recover?

Birdie there are so many people who this kind of thing happens to buit it isn't commonly known or understood until you start delving into autistic circles and hear others' experiences.

Sometimes it's like one step forward two steps back. I have come to the conclusion I don't think I'll ever be at the level I was a few years ago ever again in terms of activity because it just isn't sustainable. 

Birdie said:

I’m still operating and judging myself by neurotypical standards of functioning

This is what I learned of myself so I've stopped doing it (or am trying to!). It isn't even neurotypical standards but what I perceived to be neurotypical standards. We are operating on a different level and coming from a different angle in how we interpret and process the world. It makes sense to me now, knowing what I do, the sheer brain power needed to get through "normal" situations. 

It sounds like you have got some strategies in place. I lost a good friend due to her not willing to understand (this is no ones fault, its just the situation) but see this as a positive thing. She wasn't that good friend after all. Although we had fun, she required too much upkeep and it was all one sided. I also have a friend who can be a bit demanding of me regarding her mental health - I know I'm like a sponge so have to be mindful of this. At the end of the day she is her own responsibility and I will help her with what resources I have available at the time.

I don't have the bandwidth to mask like I used to. In a way I'm glad this has all happened because I know myself more now and previously it wasn't sustainable. Good things do come out of the *** times but you have to look for it!

You are DEFINITELY not alone!!

I hope that you’re doing as well as you can be. Take good care of yourself Crow Lady

Hi out of step,

Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to reply. I really appreciate it!

Our situations sound very similar. I could have wrote so much of what you did.

I’ve also developed a chronic health condition as a consequence of living in a state of prolonged chronic stress.

I left a full time career in social care almost 15 years ago as I was no longer able to push through / sustain this. My body stopped me after prolonged stress accompanied by several life events. My recovery (only partial in hindsight) required several years off work. Complete rest and lots of sleep for the first 18 months. Then slowly building a simple, manageable routine.

I set up my own business so that I could work part time from home to allow me to pace myself and better accommodate my health needs. At this point, even working part time hours is more than I can manage to keep up with.

I agree that I need to come to terms with what being autistic really means for me and my life. In spite of the knowledge that I’ve gained in the past year that has helped me to understand myself, I’m still operating and judging myself by neurotypical standards of functioning.

Boundaries are something that I’ve been working on in the past few years too. More so recently because my ability to mask has become almost impossible. I can’t tolerate unhealthy / one sided friendships as I did in the past that weren’t mutually reciprocal. There needs to be give and take on both sides. As a result, I have let go of several friendships that weren’t serving me well over the past year.

I’ve discussed at length with my friend who has weekly meltdowns and angry outbursts in my presence that these impact my nervous system and health and cause tremendous damage. If they are unable to take any responsibility for self regulating, managing their anger and considering my needs, I can’t be around them anymore at the expense of my own health. It’s too high a cost and one I’m no longer willing to pay.

I’ll take a look at that video. He’s an autistic YouTuber that I hadn’t heard of before.

Thank you so much for the advice and validation. It was very helpful and made me feel not so alone in all of this. I hope that you’re doing as well as you can be

I'm a bit younger but can identify with all the "symptoms" you describe and my period of burnout was resulting from lifelong undiagnosed autism related stress coupled with several life events in a short space of time. I don't think I've ever fully recovered and its likely been a contributing factor in the physical health situation I now find myself in. 

I had several months off work and am now part time. Before this I tried to go back on slightly less than full time and had taken around a month off. It was nowhere near enough. I was still pushing through because I didn't understand what was going on. Then my body stopped for me. The several months I had off included a lot of doing nothing at all. Complete rest (this means without low level activity because I wasnt able to read or watch tv). No expectation from myself or others and taking help when it was offered. I was fortunate I could use my physical health situation as a bit of a mask to explain (I don't think anyone would understand autistic burnout).

If you have been in a constant heightened state for so long, you need time to allow this to come back down to a more manageable base level. You also need time to get your head around the fact you are autistic and what this REALLY means for you. In your life and your environment. What your boundaries can be with yourself and others. I can't see any other way to do this other than to rest rest rest.

This might be useful m.youtube.com/watch

No problem at all, I hope there is something there which can help.

Thank you so much Crow Lady. I really appreciate this. That’s very kind of you. I’ll take a look.

Hey Birdie, welcome to the forum!

I am a fellow late realised autistic person and I was misdiagnosed with BPD before they realised that I am autistic.

I posted regarding burnout yesterday and the thread received a lot of really good advice so I will drop the link below which should take you to it and you can have a look at what some of the users have suggested.

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/adults-on-the-autistic-spectrum/34327/burnout