Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I have a nearly five year old son. He is bright and lively and we would never have even considered he had aspergers until his nursery teacher mentioned something and I have been concerned ever since and am almost waiting for the school he has just started to call me in for a 'chat'.
My son is very outgoing and has no problem with social interaction - but I sometimes wonder if this is appropriate. He is very excitable with people and gives them huge hugs, invading their space. He also loves washing machines - asking about them when we go to peoples houses. This is something the nursery teacher was concerned about. He tends to have other attachments to other subjects as well, although these tend to be 'phases' that he has grown out of - except the washing machine one. He told his school teacher that his daddy had two new washing machines put in in his work, he tells everyone this, and often mentions it several times to the same person. This appears to have faded at the moment. But he is now interested in who has school lunches and who has dinners at school. He does have other interests however.
He has very good speech and appears to have no trouble reading, but poorly developed fine motor skills - he doesnt hold a pencil correctly and does not draw. He is beginning to write numbers though and can write his name. He appears to be good at maths. He was also quite late in processing information. Up to the age of about four if someone asked him a question I knew he didnt understand them. He likes rules but doesnt get upset at change, although can be bossy when others break the rules. Generally he does not have meltdowns or get anxious in stressful situations.
I think it is the washing machine issue I am particularly worried about. He does make friends easily although sometimes he is the one willing to do something 'silly' for a laugh while everyone else shrinks back- at the end of nursery term he started weeing near a tree to make all the boys laugh for example and they all knew that this wasnt appropriate.
The nursery knew I was upset about what the manager had said and said there was no need for an assessment and got a glowing report at the end of term but I cant help but wonder.
Im sorry if these issue seem mild, I just dont ever want to be unprepared for a conversation like that again and am just worried the school will say something. I spoke to my health visitor but she was pretty useless, just said they could do an assessment - but this may mean labelling and be an unneccessary process when it seems he may have some traits but not enough to have intervention?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Many thanks.
I know it's now many years after this post, but I'm adding this rely just in case it helps someone.
My son was diagnosed with asperger's at the age of 5. Even though he was very social, confident, energetic and empathic, he has several quirky little interests that worried me. Over the years before his diagnosis he developed obsessive interests in the following objects - vacuum cleaners, fan heaters, washing machines, fridges, hoses and pipes.
I would get him assessed he has a lot of traits that may be signs of being on the spectrum, and even if he doesn't have ASC, he seems to have some kind of behavioural issues and I think both you and the school would benefit from identifying what his issues are and how you can best support him. I am always concerned that unless you get an assessment that identifies his particular strengths and weaknesses, there's otherwise a risk that he'll be labelled as "naughty" or "disruptive". As another commenter has said, whether or not the school want him assessed is utterly irrelevant - he's your child! And by the way, if they honestly think he shows no signs of an autistic spectrum condition, you might consider whether he would be better in another school where they have actually HEARD of ASC, as many of his symptoms are absolutely classic ASC behaviours! Good luck.
Julia - I have a son with asd and he has had similar obsessions to your boy re microwaves, toilets, fans and various parts of the car which he likes to talk about and question us about quite repetitively. The repetitive speech around the interest rather than the interest itself can certainly be a trait of asd. As can inappropriate over affection in some children. I can see why the nursery teacher has raised concerns with you but whether or not your son would fully fit the diagnostic criteria can only be found out through having him assessed. Purely giving my opinion if he is doing well at school, making friends easily, is happy and you have no issues with him at home then I wouldn't see the need for any assessment (I also have daughter with tons of traits but none which get in the way of her having friends, doing well at school and being extremely happy). That is just my opinion though and whether you choose to go down the assessment route is something you have to decide for yourself.
Jmhirvine - There are some possible indicators of asd in your post too. My advice would be to get your son assessed as your son is having issues at school and you are concerned. If you want to have him assessed you don't need the school to agree with you. In my experience it is rare for staff in mainstream schools to know much about asd.
I guys,
I have a five year old son also who has just gone into P1 he has a twin sister who has settled well. He on the other hand has no he runs away from other children except she he wants to play lashes out for reasons he can always explain thoroughly - athough the reason is never good enough for unacceptable hitting.
he refuses to listen and pay attention in school and he has been placed in a focus group for language but I always thought these skills were good.
he is obsessed with volcanos and knows pretty much all there is to know about them, he has klioptomanic tendencies but doesn't see it as stealing just sharing. He has a particular interest in money and not even for the value he likes to play with it and feels it and line in up in a certain way and no one is allowed to touch it.
he can busy himself with what he calls smash work which is him rhyme ally smashing small stones inot fine sand type texture with a larger rock and you can't go near him during this time as he is so engrossed in what he has to complete.
He has recently been complaining about the sound of colouring pencils on paper and it is hard to get him to engage in these sort of activities.
if he gets frustrated he will growl rather than speak although will never lash out at me he will sort of go into himself and make growling sounds to indicate he is not happy.
he is very affectionate but it's always on his terms not mine, if you ask for a hug he might give you a kiss instead or vice versa but rarely both, he knows his phonics for school and has excellent recall of books and stories even if he has not read them in a long time and seems to have a good imagination in that he drifts off into his own world Ina regular basis and can tell a long protracted story about what he was thinking.
we had an incident recently with the volcano thing were he worked himself up due to believing clouds were volcanic ash and he was going to die! He is very sensitive and dwells on negativity
I met with the school today and they have him on a behaviour management plan and do not agree with me that he exhibits any thing which could be seen as autism or aspergers yet I'm starting to think I'm crazy! Could this be autism or am I just mad?
The trouble is, they say that if you meet one person with autism/ASC/Aspergers, you've met ONE person with ASC. It's not called a spectrum for nothing... I would be interested to look at the obsession with washing machines a bit more - has he had previous obsessions, for example? The fact that he likes people and is friendly and engaging doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't have ASC - our son is 6 and is incredibly friendly and affectionate, but he has a diagnosis of ASC (probably Aspergers, but the paediatric team said it was felt unhelpful to give a narrow diagnosis, so it's "ASC").
You certainly shouldn't wait to be called in - take the initiative and ask for a meeting. To be fair, they will see him in a different environment, and in direct comparison with his peers, and they might be seeing something you're not, and should welcome the chance to talk to you about it.
Not all children on the spectrum have meltdowns, not all obviously cope badly when things change, though many prefer things to be predictable. Lots of children do have obsessions, but you need to judge whether it's a passing thing or a way of life. I wouldn't bother with the HV at all for a child his age, but we got a referral from the GP for Speech and Language Therapy and Occupational Therapy (had to push for both, but they have been invaluable with helping his language skills and fine motor skills - especially writing). The school nurse might be helpful for referrals as well.
There is a lot of information out there, including on this site, but none of us can be nearly as informed as you are, of course. In terms of "labelling", parents are divided: some feel it badges their child as one who will never acheive what other ("normal") children will; others see it as a gateway to better understanding of their child's needs, additional help and support and a starting point on the journey to learn more about their child's individual strengths and how they can support them. We went down the diagnosis route and it's been invaluable: he gets DLA, he has a statement and we - and the rest of the people in his life - have a better understanding of him. But if you do get a diagnosis, you need to understand that you may find it upsetting - some parents even describe it as like a bereavement, as they are forced to reassess what and who their child will be in life.
Very best wishes for the future for you and your son. He's very lucky to have an thoughtful, interested, engaged parent - that alone will massively improve his chances of success, whatever success looks like for him, and whether or not he's on the spectrum or just going through a childhood phase!
Does it sound like Asperger's? Not particularly. Lots of children behave in the way you describe, and it could be that he will grow out of it, or move on to another phase.
It used to be that professionals were reluctant to diagnose children as young as your son unless their symptoms were very obvious, but now there seems to be a trend towards more and more early diagnosis.
Having said this I am not qualified to make a judgement and haven't met your little boy. If you are worried you can request an assessment, but you might find it inconclusive at this stage. (My son was diagnosed at 12, but had had IEPs since Nursery because of concerns about his behaviour).
Both my sons had obsessions with things. I think it is the intensity and focus which sets apart the interests of children with AS. No 1 son is neurotypical, but moved from one interest to another throughout childhood. No 2 son has AS and his interests were all- consuming.
Why don't you read more about AS? Tony Attwood's Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome is good. You can probably order it from the library, and it is available from NAS books. There are lots of books on the NAS booklist.
If you are really worried you could ask to see the teacher instead of waiting for her/him to call you in.