Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I have a nearly five year old son. He is bright and lively and we would never have even considered he had aspergers until his nursery teacher mentioned something and I have been concerned ever since and am almost waiting for the school he has just started to call me in for a 'chat'.
My son is very outgoing and has no problem with social interaction - but I sometimes wonder if this is appropriate. He is very excitable with people and gives them huge hugs, invading their space. He also loves washing machines - asking about them when we go to peoples houses. This is something the nursery teacher was concerned about. He tends to have other attachments to other subjects as well, although these tend to be 'phases' that he has grown out of - except the washing machine one. He told his school teacher that his daddy had two new washing machines put in in his work, he tells everyone this, and often mentions it several times to the same person. This appears to have faded at the moment. But he is now interested in who has school lunches and who has dinners at school. He does have other interests however.
He has very good speech and appears to have no trouble reading, but poorly developed fine motor skills - he doesnt hold a pencil correctly and does not draw. He is beginning to write numbers though and can write his name. He appears to be good at maths. He was also quite late in processing information. Up to the age of about four if someone asked him a question I knew he didnt understand them. He likes rules but doesnt get upset at change, although can be bossy when others break the rules. Generally he does not have meltdowns or get anxious in stressful situations.
I think it is the washing machine issue I am particularly worried about. He does make friends easily although sometimes he is the one willing to do something 'silly' for a laugh while everyone else shrinks back- at the end of nursery term he started weeing near a tree to make all the boys laugh for example and they all knew that this wasnt appropriate.
The nursery knew I was upset about what the manager had said and said there was no need for an assessment and got a glowing report at the end of term but I cant help but wonder.
Im sorry if these issue seem mild, I just dont ever want to be unprepared for a conversation like that again and am just worried the school will say something. I spoke to my health visitor but she was pretty useless, just said they could do an assessment - but this may mean labelling and be an unneccessary process when it seems he may have some traits but not enough to have intervention?
Any advice would be appreciated.
Many thanks.
The trouble is, they say that if you meet one person with autism/ASC/Aspergers, you've met ONE person with ASC. It's not called a spectrum for nothing... I would be interested to look at the obsession with washing machines a bit more - has he had previous obsessions, for example? The fact that he likes people and is friendly and engaging doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't have ASC - our son is 6 and is incredibly friendly and affectionate, but he has a diagnosis of ASC (probably Aspergers, but the paediatric team said it was felt unhelpful to give a narrow diagnosis, so it's "ASC").
You certainly shouldn't wait to be called in - take the initiative and ask for a meeting. To be fair, they will see him in a different environment, and in direct comparison with his peers, and they might be seeing something you're not, and should welcome the chance to talk to you about it.
Not all children on the spectrum have meltdowns, not all obviously cope badly when things change, though many prefer things to be predictable. Lots of children do have obsessions, but you need to judge whether it's a passing thing or a way of life. I wouldn't bother with the HV at all for a child his age, but we got a referral from the GP for Speech and Language Therapy and Occupational Therapy (had to push for both, but they have been invaluable with helping his language skills and fine motor skills - especially writing). The school nurse might be helpful for referrals as well.
There is a lot of information out there, including on this site, but none of us can be nearly as informed as you are, of course. In terms of "labelling", parents are divided: some feel it badges their child as one who will never acheive what other ("normal") children will; others see it as a gateway to better understanding of their child's needs, additional help and support and a starting point on the journey to learn more about their child's individual strengths and how they can support them. We went down the diagnosis route and it's been invaluable: he gets DLA, he has a statement and we - and the rest of the people in his life - have a better understanding of him. But if you do get a diagnosis, you need to understand that you may find it upsetting - some parents even describe it as like a bereavement, as they are forced to reassess what and who their child will be in life.
Very best wishes for the future for you and your son. He's very lucky to have an thoughtful, interested, engaged parent - that alone will massively improve his chances of success, whatever success looks like for him, and whether or not he's on the spectrum or just going through a childhood phase!