To routine or not to routine?

This is sadly, always a bit misunderstood: 

AlterEgo said:

So us folks with Autism are supposed to be sticklers for routine.

We know how to navigate when things are DEPENDABLE. That might mean exacting routine, like the hours in a day or that might mean someone has made the effort to always come through regardless of how long it takes them. Routine is merely a subset of dependability which creates Trust. 

And I believe the reason for this is due to how our brains work: continually processing, connecting, or blending everything together. Anything can be anything, absolutely certain that anything could go wrong, due to always calculating probability. It is that our internal self is in constant chaos, so one simply operates with more fluidity in a trusted state of some kind of order, and I'd suggest creating principles which one depends on above external behaviours. Committing to things adheres to the process of commitment rather than the thing itself. But these also need to be realistic. 

Transition is REALLY hard. I once heard someone say that 'feeling follow actions'. We can create new habits without thinking which might be harmful or have negative consequences or with a little diligence and frustration at the process of creating ones which produce useful responses. But once the new habit is intentionally formed, it's natural to eventually feel quite pleased. There's a great deal of neuro-science to back this up, as these sort of connexions in the brain which work with the reward centre can be intentionally tended like a garden with the bad habits left to vine and wither. 

But it does take effort at first, which is why it's called 'discipline'. 

One small recommendation of mine would be to buy an electric blanket and put it on 30 mins before bed. I got one for Christmas and it’s been a revelation. I now get into bed in shorts rather than thicker clothes which meant I used to wake up in the night boiling hot. 

Oh, avoidance is definitely a skill of mine, or maybe procrastination would be a more accurate term, or maybe both. Again, I wonder if I'm just lazy lol

I sometimes wonder if I'm lazy...

I think I tend to be more organised in situations that involve other people because I don't want to cause them problems. When I was with my last partner, I was definitely more organised and motivated in general. I'm much better at doing things for others it seems, doing things for me tends to involve baths and sleeping lol

This is why I don't think getting a dishwasher would be good. It'd get to the stage where nothing is clean to use and its all stacked up dirty waiting to be switched on. I do think there's an element of demand avoidance  / interest based focus to how we do tasks as well.

People think I am quite organised. I am but it takes effort. Yo Samdy Sam youtube had some good tricks but they didn't work for me. A lady I worked with had everything between her and partner synced on phone so she knew exactly what was happening and ran her family like clockwork. I prefer old fashioned pen and paper.  I also keep a bullet journal which is handy but the amount of stuff I carry over from one week to the next....I might as well not bother!

I've often wondered if 'laziness' is symptomatic of depression.

Naturally, I couldn't be bothered to look it up.

I have a similar thing with washing up. I hate washing dishes, the activity gives me no satisfaction and allows my brain to wander which is risky to say the least. I let things pile up and make my life harder and harder as I try to work around the mess until I finally give in and deal with it. What makes this even more ridiculous is the fact that I now own a dishwasher, which takes all of 30 seconds to stack, but I still choose to allow the piles to accumulate. I really do feel like an idiot/crazy person sometimes...

Unknown said:

Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

Oh my god same! Mine's on my fridge because it's one of the first places I go in the morning. I haven't updated my list in months and have learnt to just not see it. I wonder if the stress of all the things I want to/should be doing is unpalatable to my brain and therefore it refuses to see the whiteboard in a similar way to the way it deals with unexpected social situations - mind goes away on holiday whilst threat to sanity does it's thing and goes away.

Needless to say diaries and agendas are the same, I use them for a couple of weeks and then conveniently forget that they exist for sanity purposes. I wonder what my life would be like if I were organised... 

Sparkly appears: ‘Did someone say microwave? Let’s gooooo’ 

I was thinking of starting an adjacent topic but this seems a reasonable place to add my thoughts. The thread was going to be ‘Things that would be easy to sort and would help but habit is stopping you’ or similar. An example: for a while I was slightly melting cheese in rice crackers in the microwave. Over about a fortnight wee melted bits accumulated. Every day I’d think ‘that needs to come out and be cleaned’ then simply not do it. Then one day I made myself do it. That was about a week ago. The glass plate thing is in the drainer for all that time. About two feet away from the microwave. All I need to do is lift it and place it back in there. But instead I’ve been precariously balancing things (eg. reheating a tea or warming soya milk for cereal)  on the wee tiny round thing and then turning it on. That’s my new normal and it’s so stupid. But it’s a habit now. One that when I finally reverse I’ll think ‘well that didn’t hurt did it?’ Strange. 

Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

I've bought my own notepad...I like the feel of it....get yourself some nice pens. It's things like that which might add to motivation...the tactile nature of it. I keep mine in one place where there's high traffic so it's there to remind me. It does take effort and it takes a while to form new habits bit ive surprised myself. It's kind of unravelled this past week but the benefits from doing it previously is enough motivation to get back on track. I also try to alternate between choice and demand tasks to keep motivated. It does require effort and its different ways for different people.

Someone bought me a Filofax-type thing, but I keep forgetting to make daily entries to help me to remember things.

It's remembering to look at the lists though and stick to it. That's why I've found writing down a timed daily plan helpful so I can see what's coming up next. 

I think I take it too far sometimes.  But I worry that if I don’t have all my lists I will forget something important!

I'm also a big fan of lists. It's like writing things down makes it easier to do them somehow. I've never used them on a daily basis though, I wonder if it would help me be more productive... I may investigate this idea

I always thought I was quite organised before I got diagnosed, but when I think about it now I’m not!  I just make lists and lists and lists.  So my routine is to start the day by making a list and then work through it.  I found this really helpful when I was furloughed and I had to do certain things by a certain time.

When I don’t have enough to do I wander to the fridge!!

I'm with you here. Without places to be, I tend towards doing nothing. My work routine changes somewhat but I don't mind with prior warning. If I find myself at a loose end however, my go to is bed rather than productive tasks that I could do instead. Quarantine was a test of survival for me, I achieved absolutely nothing useful during the whole experience. Other than surviving. I'm glad I did that 

I struggle when there's lack of routine. I need externally imposed structure (ie work/appointments) to work around. I do experience autistic inertia in both senses. The difficulty I have is if something is different to how I'd usually do it..like if there are mini set backs or a disruption to the plan I have in my head. That's what throws me. I have started to build in routine....I write it down and give myself a "window" in which to do it and time to switch tasks in between each one.  This gives me notice of what is coming up next.