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To routine or not to routine?

AlterEgo

So us folks with Autism are supposed to be sticklers for routine. I found this a hard subject to discuss when I was being assessed because having no idea that I was autistic I never viewed my life as being made up of routines. For instance I don’t clean my teeth at the same time every day or have to puff up the cushions before I go to bed. However, what I do notice is that if something familiar in my life stops or changes then I find it hard to maintain my day to day activity. As an example, during the pandemic the religious meetings which I had been attending in person since childhood, and attended because I wanted to, was moved to Zoom. Initially I was good at attending via Zoom but this gradually dropped off. Now I have the opportunity to go back to these in person meetings and I am really struggling. I sometimes wonder if inactivity can of itself become a routine. Another example, on a cold night I hop into bed with all my clothes on but then I have a job to break that routine so my new routine becomes clothes left on for weeks until they begin to look grimy and I start to smell. This is not agreeable to me at all but this inactivity seems to become my new routine.

would anyone else say that they experience no routine as their new routine. It upsets and frustrates me that I seem incapable of breaking these negative and self destructive habits. I would appreciate input and if possible advice on this problem.

Parents

  • This is sadly, always a bit misunderstood: 

    AlterEgo said:
    So us folks with Autism are supposed to be sticklers for routine.

    We know how to navigate when things are DEPENDABLE. That might mean exacting routine, like the hours in a day or that might mean someone has made the effort to always come through regardless of how long it takes them. Routine is merely a subset of dependability which creates Trust. 

    And I believe the reason for this is due to how our brains work: continually processing, connecting, or blending everything together. Anything can be anything, absolutely certain that anything could go wrong, due to always calculating probability. It is that our internal self is in constant chaos, so one simply operates with more fluidity in a trusted state of some kind of order, and I'd suggest creating principles which one depends on above external behaviours. Committing to things adheres to the process of commitment rather than the thing itself. But these also need to be realistic. 

    Transition is REALLY hard. I once heard someone say that 'feeling follow actions'. We can create new habits without thinking which might be harmful or have negative consequences or with a little diligence and frustration at the process of creating ones which produce useful responses. But once the new habit is intentionally formed, it's natural to eventually feel quite pleased. There's a great deal of neuro-science to back this up, as these sort of connexions in the brain which work with the reward centre can be intentionally tended like a garden with the bad habits left to vine and wither. 

    But it does take effort at first, which is why it's called 'discipline'. 

Reply

  • This is sadly, always a bit misunderstood: 

    AlterEgo said:
    So us folks with Autism are supposed to be sticklers for routine.

    We know how to navigate when things are DEPENDABLE. That might mean exacting routine, like the hours in a day or that might mean someone has made the effort to always come through regardless of how long it takes them. Routine is merely a subset of dependability which creates Trust. 

    And I believe the reason for this is due to how our brains work: continually processing, connecting, or blending everything together. Anything can be anything, absolutely certain that anything could go wrong, due to always calculating probability. It is that our internal self is in constant chaos, so one simply operates with more fluidity in a trusted state of some kind of order, and I'd suggest creating principles which one depends on above external behaviours. Committing to things adheres to the process of commitment rather than the thing itself. But these also need to be realistic. 

    Transition is REALLY hard. I once heard someone say that 'feeling follow actions'. We can create new habits without thinking which might be harmful or have negative consequences or with a little diligence and frustration at the process of creating ones which produce useful responses. But once the new habit is intentionally formed, it's natural to eventually feel quite pleased. There's a great deal of neuro-science to back this up, as these sort of connexions in the brain which work with the reward centre can be intentionally tended like a garden with the bad habits left to vine and wither. 

    But it does take effort at first, which is why it's called 'discipline'. 

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    And people are often very random and don't say what they mean. So this isn't consistency. This is why people can be tricky. 

    I felt quite reassured when I watched the footballer lad on Chris Packham.  It was something along the lines of actually being able to deal with change if notice is given. 

    The element of transition can percolate into many areas of life. From a state of inactivity to activity. From a state of being in a car to being in a house of people. From living in one area to living in another. From a state of I was expecting Y to happen but now it's Z. Now I realise this about myself ....I like to say "I just need time to adjust/acclimatise/digest/settle in".  This helps me be kind to myself instead of going into a tailspin and helps others around know what's going on.

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    I am definitely not lazy, I’m busy helping people left right and centre. There are so many things I’m disciplined in. I’m brilliant with money, I won’t let my environment get messy or dirty, etc. But when it comes to things that will benefit me as a person I struggle.

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey
    JuniperFromGallifrey said:
    discipline

    I definitely don't have any of this. It definitely looks like lazy is the description that fits... Joy