To routine or not to routine?

So us folks with Autism are supposed to be sticklers for routine. I found this a hard subject to discuss when I was being assessed because having no idea that I was autistic I never viewed my life as being made up of routines. For instance I don’t clean my teeth at the same time every day or have to puff up the cushions before I go to bed. However, what I do notice is that if something familiar in my life stops or changes then I find it hard to maintain my day to day activity. As an example, during the pandemic the religious meetings which I had been attending in person since childhood, and attended because I wanted to, was moved to Zoom. Initially I was good at attending via Zoom but this gradually dropped off. Now I have the opportunity to go back to these in person meetings and I am really struggling. I sometimes wonder if inactivity can of itself become a routine. Another example, on a cold night I hop into bed with all my clothes on but then I have a job to break that routine so my new routine becomes clothes left on for weeks until they begin to look grimy and I start to smell. This is not agreeable to me at all but this inactivity seems to become my new routine.

would anyone else say that they experience no routine as their new routine. It upsets and frustrates me that I seem incapable of breaking these negative and self destructive habits. I would appreciate input and if possible advice on this problem.

Parents
  • I always thought I was quite organised before I got diagnosed, but when I think about it now I’m not!  I just make lists and lists and lists.  So my routine is to start the day by making a list and then work through it.  I found this really helpful when I was furloughed and I had to do certain things by a certain time.

    When I don’t have enough to do I wander to the fridge!!

  • I'm also a big fan of lists. It's like writing things down makes it easier to do them somehow. I've never used them on a daily basis though, I wonder if it would help me be more productive... I may investigate this idea

  • It's remembering to look at the lists though and stick to it. That's why I've found writing down a timed daily plan helpful so I can see what's coming up next. 

  • I think I tend to be more organised in situations that involve other people because I don't want to cause them problems. When I was with my last partner, I was definitely more organised and motivated in general. I'm much better at doing things for others it seems, doing things for me tends to involve baths and sleeping lol

  • People think I am quite organised. I am but it takes effort. Yo Samdy Sam youtube had some good tricks but they didn't work for me. A lady I worked with had everything between her and partner synced on phone so she knew exactly what was happening and ran her family like clockwork. I prefer old fashioned pen and paper.  I also keep a bullet journal which is handy but the amount of stuff I carry over from one week to the next....I might as well not bother!

  • Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

    Oh my god same! Mine's on my fridge because it's one of the first places I go in the morning. I haven't updated my list in months and have learnt to just not see it. I wonder if the stress of all the things I want to/should be doing is unpalatable to my brain and therefore it refuses to see the whiteboard in a similar way to the way it deals with unexpected social situations - mind goes away on holiday whilst threat to sanity does it's thing and goes away.

    Needless to say diaries and agendas are the same, I use them for a couple of weeks and then conveniently forget that they exist for sanity purposes. I wonder what my life would be like if I were organised... 

  • Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

    I've bought my own notepad...I like the feel of it....get yourself some nice pens. It's things like that which might add to motivation...the tactile nature of it. I keep mine in one place where there's high traffic so it's there to remind me. It does take effort and it takes a while to form new habits bit ive surprised myself. It's kind of unravelled this past week but the benefits from doing it previously is enough motivation to get back on track. I also try to alternate between choice and demand tasks to keep motivated. It does require effort and its different ways for different people.

  • Someone bought me a Filofax-type thing, but I keep forgetting to make daily entries to help me to remember things.

Reply Children
  • I think I tend to be more organised in situations that involve other people because I don't want to cause them problems. When I was with my last partner, I was definitely more organised and motivated in general. I'm much better at doing things for others it seems, doing things for me tends to involve baths and sleeping lol

  • People think I am quite organised. I am but it takes effort. Yo Samdy Sam youtube had some good tricks but they didn't work for me. A lady I worked with had everything between her and partner synced on phone so she knew exactly what was happening and ran her family like clockwork. I prefer old fashioned pen and paper.  I also keep a bullet journal which is handy but the amount of stuff I carry over from one week to the next....I might as well not bother!

  • Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

    Oh my god same! Mine's on my fridge because it's one of the first places I go in the morning. I haven't updated my list in months and have learnt to just not see it. I wonder if the stress of all the things I want to/should be doing is unpalatable to my brain and therefore it refuses to see the whiteboard in a similar way to the way it deals with unexpected social situations - mind goes away on holiday whilst threat to sanity does it's thing and goes away.

    Needless to say diaries and agendas are the same, I use them for a couple of weeks and then conveniently forget that they exist for sanity purposes. I wonder what my life would be like if I were organised... 

  • Story of my life! I also got a whiteboard and kept forgetting to check it.

    I've bought my own notepad...I like the feel of it....get yourself some nice pens. It's things like that which might add to motivation...the tactile nature of it. I keep mine in one place where there's high traffic so it's there to remind me. It does take effort and it takes a while to form new habits bit ive surprised myself. It's kind of unravelled this past week but the benefits from doing it previously is enough motivation to get back on track. I also try to alternate between choice and demand tasks to keep motivated. It does require effort and its different ways for different people.