Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am in a long term realtionship married for over 10 years. Communication (mine) has always been as issue. I don't communicate much with my wife and have been through different therapies, first for a diagnosis of social anxiety, and a second for strategies in relationship communication. Both of these I felt helped but my wife doesn't think so.
She believes I have high functioning autism, and we have looked at some online quick assessments which would suggest this too, I am waiting for an assessment referral through my GP. However, things in our relationship have become increasingly strained during Covid, as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
I have been working on telling her more but often when I say something she feels I am saying something else and I am not explaining things well, Is this something that people with autism can relate to, and be a suggestion that I am on the spectrum.
I am struggling to find any help and advice, there is a lot for what other people can do to help someone with autism but I am struggling to find what I can do to help myself.
Can anyone relate or give advice?
Thank you everyone for your replies I have been reading them and taking on board what you have all said. My wife has made a lot of changes in how she communicates with me. Slowing down conversations, giving me time to process what she has said before looking for a response. She is also noticing when I am struggling to tell her something, its like she can see me psyching myself up and structuring what I want to say in my head before saying it.
Steps I have put in place and things that I want to change see to only work for a few weeks then I drop back into previous habits. Is this an autism thing or just me being lazy and unfocussed? I start with good intentions, simple things like putting my schedule in the kitchen calendar, I will do for a few weeks, then slowly begin to forget to put things in.
This follows through we will get on great and be really happy, then something happens, we have an argument and go back to square one, and I become "huffy" as she puts it, I close down, and take myself off to another room, and don't want to talk to anyone, just sit and mope for a few hours.