Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am in a long term realtionship married for over 10 years. Communication (mine) has always been as issue. I don't communicate much with my wife and have been through different therapies, first for a diagnosis of social anxiety, and a second for strategies in relationship communication. Both of these I felt helped but my wife doesn't think so.
She believes I have high functioning autism, and we have looked at some online quick assessments which would suggest this too, I am waiting for an assessment referral through my GP. However, things in our relationship have become increasingly strained during Covid, as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
I have been working on telling her more but often when I say something she feels I am saying something else and I am not explaining things well, Is this something that people with autism can relate to, and be a suggestion that I am on the spectrum.
I am struggling to find any help and advice, there is a lot for what other people can do to help someone with autism but I am struggling to find what I can do to help myself.
Can anyone relate or give advice?
Hi HappyRambling,
I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing these kind of issues. It's good that you've been able to reach out on this forum.
HappyRambling said:as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
Sometimes, there is nothing to talk about. I don't know if you are the same as me, but I find it very uncomfortable talking for the sake of talking. If I have to, I usually preface it with: I'm going to talk for the sake of taking right now. This lets the other person know that I am not invested in anything I am saying or anything I am hearing from them. My family and friends really appreciate the heads up. Slowly, they have come to accept that the problem is not with me, but with them. By making explicit my attempts at talking to them without a valid reason, they have come to see how ridiculous their expectations were. They stopped expecting me change my communication style to match theirs, and may of them started to engage in less idle chit-chat of their own.
How we communicate, how often, and on what topics is not (in my opinion) an autistic problem.
HappyRambling said:I am waiting for an assessment referral through my GP
This is good news. I think a positive diagnosis will give you a much better understanding of your communication style and your communication preferences. Good luck! x