Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I am in a long term realtionship married for over 10 years. Communication (mine) has always been as issue. I don't communicate much with my wife and have been through different therapies, first for a diagnosis of social anxiety, and a second for strategies in relationship communication. Both of these I felt helped but my wife doesn't think so.
She believes I have high functioning autism, and we have looked at some online quick assessments which would suggest this too, I am waiting for an assessment referral through my GP. However, things in our relationship have become increasingly strained during Covid, as we dont get time away from each other and so I struggle to find things to talk about.
I have been working on telling her more but often when I say something she feels I am saying something else and I am not explaining things well, Is this something that people with autism can relate to, and be a suggestion that I am on the spectrum.
I am struggling to find any help and advice, there is a lot for what other people can do to help someone with autism but I am struggling to find what I can do to help myself.
Can anyone relate or give advice?
Doing an activity together, like watching something funny or playing a game together can lead to some social interactions, without all the focus solely on you (or just your wife). You should communicate as much as you are comfortable with. My partner is patient enough to wait for me to think and explain my perspective, even if I'm tripping over my words and slow to respond (because I think before I say anything, due to anxiety. I also lack eye contact but he's used to it). But most people in regular conversations talk over each other, and conversations move on to another topic so fast, I end up just quietly nodding and smiling, barely saying a thing.
I agree about communicating as much as you are comfortable with - or otherwise, isn't that masking? I'm new to understanding all this though and haven't been diagnosed yet.
yes i spent most of my life so far masking without realising it to "fit in" and "be normal" i'm 21. but it's just not worth it i completely "lost" my true self and got nasty anxiety now i realised i'm slowly dropping the mask and yes it's anxiety provoking but feels amazing..... i'm lucky to be in a place where i have almost zero social pressure and in mostly accepting environments which makes it all much easier . but basically despite the social pressure people get it's best to accept yourself and look for accepting environments